Building Life Around What Matters

Human beings are flexible beings. Once they create a system of habits, they begin to adjust and align themselves with the new routine.

When someone wants to make a meaningful change, the mistake is often trying to find time in their day for an activity they view as important. The correct approach is in fact to set that activity as a non-negotiable, and build the rest of the day around it. For example, if someone commits to dedicating 30 minutes a day to learning, they will naturally structure their schedule around that half-hour. The mind will then instinctively look to cut down on less essential tasks, allowing them to stay focused on what matters most.

If however the person looks for an extra 30 minutes during their day, they are unlikely to find it, and will conclude that they simply don't have time for anything new.

This concept traces back to Mount Sinai, where the Jewish people said “We will do and we will hear,” - first we act and then we figure out how. The secret to real productivity is to commit to action, and trust that the “how” will follow. The way to create space in our lives for something new is by deciding, committing, and allowing life to adjust around that commitment.

The Time Trap: We Have More Than We Think

Statistics show that the average person worldwide spends about 28 hours a week on various forms of media- more than a full day each week lost to meaningless activity. Most people don’t even realize this, because it has become such an ingrained part of daily life, going unchecked and unexamined.

Do we truly not have time? We actually do, but not within our current system. Our life framework feels full, but it’s not unchangeable. Time is not just an objective measurement, but also deeply subjective.

By a way of analogy, a person may want to save money but never seems to have anything at the end of the month. If they rely on what remains after expenses, they’ll likely save nothing. But if they commit to saving a set amount at the start of the month, they will adapt, and the rest of the budget will follow.

Rabbi Dessler referred to it as “burning the bridges", because when we commit fully, we remove the option to retreat. Lasting change is not made by "fitting it in", but by prioritizing the decision from the beginning.

The same is true for time. If you commit to learning or personal growth in the morning, you'll find that there is still time for everything else that must get done in the day. Often, we underestimate our capacity. For instance, someone who hasn't eaten in hours may feel like they're “about to die”- but they could actually manage longer without food. Reality doesn't set the limit, but our perception does.

Discipline Over Willpower

In most cases, failure doesn’t stem from actual limitations, but from a lack of self-discipline. As long as we allow ourselves to “opt out,” we will- but if we hold ourselves to our commitments, we begin to uncover how much we’re really capable of.

When people say, “I can’t” or “I’m not capable,” this is based on the way they feel. And yet, feelings don’t always reflect reality. The heart can give us a sense of 100% certainty that we're at our limit, even when we’re not.

Our goals must be clearly defined and scheduled. It's easier to adjust to real-world circumstances than to the emotional barriers we create in our minds.

Words Shape Reality

The words we sat matter, and the internal language we use in our minds holds immense power. It's important that we choose words such as “I can do this", I will succeed" and “I will overcome".

These words will eventually fulfill themselves.

In contrast, phrases such as “I have no chance", “I’m not good enough", or “This isn’t for me”, chip away at our confidence and lower the chances of real progress.

Empowering words lead to empowering actions. Choose them wisely.