The Long Short Road: Rethinking Success, Meaning, and Expectations

The need for meaning is a central part of the human personality and deeply influences many areas of life. When someone chooses to become a doctor for example, their decision often goes beyond financial considerations and is also about the meaning they associate with the profession including saving lives, helping others, and contributing to humanity. While the perceived meaning of a particular profession may differ from one person to another, there is always some type of personal significance attached to it. A sense of meaning is often a key motivator in career choice.

People often begin their professional journeys as idealists, filled with passion, values, and enthusiasm. They see the positive sides of their chosen field and envision themselves as successful, impactful, and full of purpose.

Over time, with the accumulation of small failures, pressures, and disappointments, that initial spark begins to fade. Ideals start to erode, replaced by negative emotions, eventually leading to burnout.

Consider for instance a person who studied medicine, dreaming of saving countless lives and earning widespread appreciation. In practice, the reality turns out quite different. Yes, they save lives- but far less often than imagined- and the appreciation they expected is often overshadowed by criticism. They are faced with impossible challenges, and the frustration of patients they couldn’t help, leaves them with a recurring sense of failure as their dreams crash into the wall of reality.

In a previous discussion, we addressed the issue of burnout. A major element of preventing burnout is overcoming the mental hurdle that assumes reality must always match the ideal. If a person can internalize that the path to success, values, and meaning is often a “long short road” requiring patience, they are more likely to endure. They’ll come to see setbacks as temporary and not defining, understanding that the journey may be long, but is still the surest path to fulfillment.

Indeed, one must aim high, as the sages taught: "A person must say: When will my actions reach the level of the actions of my forefathers, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob?" (Tanna Devei Eliyahu). Yet alongside those lofty goals, mental flexibility is crucial. One must accept that the pace of life and the rate of achieving dreams may be slower than expected. The long road may actually be the shortest way- and the only guaranteed way- to reach those goals.

Without this mindset, a person is on the fast track to disappointment and repeated frustration. They interpret setbacks as proof that they are incapable of success, when in reality those difficulties can refine and strengthen them. As the Talmud teaches: "A person cannot truly grasp the words of Torah unless they first stumble over them" (Gittin 43a).

Disappointment doesn’t come from reality, but from our expectations of reality. If we expect quick results, we set ourselves up for frustration. But if we embrace the process, we preserve our energy and avoid unnecessary emotional exhaustion.

Expectations as a Driver of Growth

A life without expectations is a life without passion, drive, and progress.  The solution therefore isn’t to eliminate expectations, but to manage them wisely. When people expect instant results and don’t get them, they become discouraged. But with patience and the willingness to adjust expectations to fit reality, they can avoid much of the emotional pain and live better lives.

Success that appears “overnight” is almost always the product of twenty years of effort behind the scenes.

In fact, it’s helpful to set multiple expectations in different life areas such as spiritual growth, family, community and character development. Goals must be realistic because if they are too distant and offer no short-term rewards, this can lead to disappointment and ultimately to giving up.

Manage expectations by setting both long-term goals and short-term rewards. As the saying goes, “It’s not only about the journey to happiness, but the happiness in the journey.”

The Lesson of Korach

In this week’s Torah portion, we encounter Korach, who was jealous of the leadership position given to Elitzafan ben Uziel- a role Korach thought rightfully belonged to him. The sons of Kehat (Korach’s family) were four: Amram, Yitzhar, Chevron, and Uziel. Since Moses and Aaron (sons of Amram) were already leaders, Korach assumed the next in line was himself, as the son of Yitzhar. Instead, the role went to Elitzafan, the son of Uziel, the youngest.

The Zohar teaches that Korach was destined to become the “great Levite”- akin to a High Priest for the Levites- if only he had accepted his own role joyfully and without jealousy.

Small-minded people are impressed by grand acts, whereas great people are inspired by doing even small tasks with devotion. They don’t chase applause, but they find fulfillment in carrying out their own mission in life. When a person focuses on their unique role, rather than comparing themselves to others, they live with greater passion and joy.

People often compare themselves to others and criticize themselves for not measuring up. But it’s important to distinguish between learning from others and endlessly comparing oneself, which leads to self-blame. It's important to learn from others, without assuming that you’re supposed to be exactly like them. You have a different family, a different mission.

Korach’s lesson is the spiritual work of accepting one's unique path in life with gratitude, sincerity, and without resentment.