Fold the Sails, Not the Dream

Once upon a time, long, long ago (way before you were even thinking of being born), there was a big, big ship. And on this ship were big, big sails. Then one gloomy day, a great and mighty wind came howling through.

The sailors ran back and forth, panicked and frightened, because the sails were about to tear. They were completely at a loss. They didn’t know how to beat the wind.

But on the ship (the big, big one...) there was one little, little sailor. He ran to the captain and said in a quiet, quiet voice: “We may not be able to control the strength of the wind, but we can fold the sails!”

Now let’s jump to the 21st century...

In our lives, there are hardships beyond our control. For one person, it may be “If only my wife/husband were more understanding, things would be easier.” For another: “I want to move forward, but I’m stuck with anxiety.” And for many others: “I want to be great, successful, happy- but I just can’t seem to make it happen!”

You don’t have to be a big sailor. You can succeed, if you simply direct your energy to the right place. If you try to change the wind’s strength- your spouse, the people around you, your anxieties and struggles- you’ll often find it’s stronger than you.

But you can take responsibility for your part- you can fold or redirect the sails. You can look for ways to move forward with the challenges, using the reality you do have. Instead of blaming the wind- blaming others- fold and adjust your sails. Move forward with what you do have. Don’t waste energy on what you can’t control- channel it toward what actually can help you grow.

Our common mistake is that we instinctively try to eliminate uncomfortable feelings, because we assume that if we have anxiety, depression, or relationship difficulties, life must be bad. But often, that’s like trying to control the force of the wind!

I often sit with people suffering from anxiety or obsessive thoughts and ask them: which sentence feels less overwhelming- 
“I want to succeed, but I have anxiety,”
or
“I want to succeed, and I have anxiety”?

Of course, the second one feels calmer.

Then I ask: which one is actually more accurate? People always say: the second!
(This is based on ACT- Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.)

Look closely at our limiting mindset. One word- “but”- which we’ve become accustomed to living with, preserves the belief that if there’s a serious problem, we can’t move forward unless we first remove it. This is simply not true.

The sailors ran around the ship helplessly because they believed, “We want to survive, but there’s a storm”. Then came the little, little sailor, and drew their attention to a flawed belief: “We want to survive, and there’s a storm.”

Suddenly, they became open to a new thought: What can we do alongside the storm? They realized they could simply fold the sails and keep going.

We, too can not only survive the storms in our lives, we can even move forward through them. When there’s a storm in your life, you won’t survive unless you move forward. It’s that simple.

Haggai Zadok is involved in psychotherapy and marriage counseling.