When Emotions Speak: Listening to the Voice Within

Every day, in conversations and meetings, I encounter people struggling with negative emotions. We all experience them and each with our own method of coping.

Sometimes a person feels stressed. The stress might show up through a rapid heartbeat, sweating, or anxious thoughts. These are physical sensations of stress. But there are also emotions that don’t always show outwardly.

Consider for example, someone under pressure who doesn’t let any external signs appear. To others- and maybe even to himself- he appears calm and composed. But in truth, he’s simply out of touch with the pressure he’s under- even if the feeling isn’t obvious, it’s still a hidden emotion. You can compare it to a “safe” in the soul, locking away and storing all that tension. That pressure may not show up immediately, but it can lead to serious consequences. It might manifest in physical ailments like ulcers, irritable bowel syndrome, breathing issues, high blood pressure, or emotional exhaustion, burnout, and even depression. Often, there’s no clear event to explain it, but the long-term result of neglected negative emotions that have piled up while the person convinced themselves, “I’m not the type to take offense or get stressed…”. Meanwhile, the pressure quietly slipped in backstage, grew in silence, and eventually erupted destructively.

How can we deal with negative emotions?

Negative emotions are not our enemies. We shouldn’t try to fight or eliminate them entirely- because we can’t. In fact, suppressing or ignoring them usually makes them worse.

Let’s take an example of a person who knows that public speaking would help them advance in their career or personal goals, but they avoid it because it triggers fear. Avoiding the fear by avoiding public speaking might bring short-term relief, but it also cements their self-image as “someone who doesn’t speak publicly.” That identity becomes ingrained, ultimately limiting their future progress.

The key to working with negative emotions is to treat them as signals. They guide us toward understanding where we’ve stepped away from our values. If someone deeply values helping others for example, but skipped a volunteer opportunity, they may feel frustrated or disappointed in themselves. This is because they acted against a core value. The discomfort they feel is a message, nudging them back toward the values they hold dear.

Instead of fearing negative emotions, we can use them as indicators- they tell us something about our values, our identity, and how we see ourselves.

Sometimes, rather than facing those feelings, we escape them. One classic example is emotional eating. The most popular therapist at home is often the refrigerator, and the kitchen becomes our coping space.

The healthier approach is not to panic when negative emotions arise. It can be good to pause and sit with them. Think of a small child seeking attention- that’s how negative emotions behave. Give them a little attention, and they calm down. If you react impulsively out of fear, you'll often regret it.

Allow yourself to feel and ask: What am I feeling? What may this feeling be trying to tell me? Sometimes the negative emotion points to a mismatch between your expectations and reality. Perhaps you expected too much from yourself. Maybe you misjudged how long a task would take or set goals that were too big for your current situation. In those moments, the negative feeling teaches you to be more realistic, patient, and kind to yourself.

Negative emotions are not a sign that something is “wrong” with you, but are your soul’s alerts that something in your path may need to be adjusted. The goal is not to avoid feeling bad, but about believing that a negative feeling carries a message worth listening to.

Ultimately, “negative” emotions are in fact a positive tool G-d gave us to help us live with more meaning, and to grow into who we are destined to be.