How to Train Your Thoughts for a Better Life: Mastering Mental Focus and Emotional Clarity

One of the most important organs in our body is the brain, the seat of thought. While people invest heavily in their homes, cars, and physical health, it appears that one of the areas we should invest in the most is our thinking.

Many people waste time ruminating on regrets from the past or worries about the future- thoughts that stir negative emotions. Of course, it's important to learn from the past and plan for the future, but these activities must be done in balance, and not at the expense of focusing on functioning in the present.

Our sages teach us about Shabbat: on this day, a person should be in a mental state of "all your work is done" (Rashi, Shemot 20:8). Rabbi Chaim Friedlander, in Siftei Chaim, explains that Shabbat is a time when a person doesn't dwell on the past or worry about the future, but is entirely present. Being fully in the moment is the rest of the soul, so that Torah study, prayer, and family time are experienced in their most meaningful and effective way. Shabbat trains the soul to do this throughout the week, by achieving mental peace through focused thoughts and mindful presence in the now.

On an average day, a person has around 60,000 thoughts, and suprisingly, about 90% of today’s thoughts are similar to those from yesterday. For example, today Ron had a great conversation with Sam, but he accidentally said something inappropriate. Afterward, he kept replaying the mistake in his mind, filled with regret. While reflection is good, he fixated on the regret and despair rather than learning and hopeful growth.

The same happened yesterday, just in a different context. He made a mistake at work and again fell into repetitive thoughts of regret and worry. When he’s bored at home or at work, his thoughts follow the same pattern: life is dull, opportunities were missed, and so on. These are the same thought patterns applied to different events.

Day after day, thousands of routine, frustrating, and draining thoughts pass through a person's mind. If there were no alternative, we might accept it, but we do have a choice. We can choose to focus on the good in the present,, and even if the present is tough, we can focus on how to improve it. Once we learn to manage our thoughts, we begin to manage our lives. No wonder so many people say they feel they’re not living to their full potential, because their thoughts are stuck in helplessness rather than hope.

We can’t control the weather, the economy, or even our closest relationships, but we can choose how we think. The price of greatness is learning to manage your mind and this is why it is so important to adopt a mindset of vitality, focusing on your strengths and on what is within your control. The more we train our minds in this direction, the easier it becomes to extract the most out of life.

The quality of our lives is directly related to the quality of our thoughts. We must therefore stay focused on what we’re doing and what we want to achieve. From that place, we become a source of endless energy, drive, and motivation.

When functioning optimally, our brain is designed to think, reflect, and generate insights that significantly improve our quality of life. We don’t need scientific studies to prove we’re underusing it- we can simply look at our outcomes and realize how little respect we often give our own minds.

How can we better harness the power of thought? Rabbi Chaim Shmulevitz, in Sichot Mussar, points out that in the Passover Haggadah we ask questions because the brain achieves maximum activation through questioning.

Imagine someone asking, “Why is my neighbor’s lawn greener?” What answers will come up? “I never succeed,” “I’m just unlucky,” “No one believed in me when I was young,” etc. These are demoralizing answers that block growth.

Consider asking instead: “What can I do to make my lawn greener?” This question breathes hope and energy into action. It begins with the assumption that there is something I can do and it is a question of empowerment. “How can I be happy even without a green lawn?” is also a question that reorients focus toward emotional resilience.

These are different questions about the same situation, demonstrating that the questions we ask ourselves, determine what we focus on.

If you ask someone, “What frustrated you most today?” they will immediately focus on the most frustrating moment. If you ask them instead, “I know you had a rough day (empathy), but what lesson did you take from it?”- you’ve turned frustration into a growth opportunity. This is an empowering question.

The Baal Shem Tov taught: Where a person’s thoughts are, that’s where they are. We must remember that in every situation. You can focus on despair and worry and you’ll find endless reasons why things can’t improve. Or, you can focus on what can be done, with hope for change that is just as realisitic.

It’s all a matter of focus.