How to Empower Your Children for Life Success: Lessons from Passover

Passover, also known as the Festival of Education, is entirely centered around the mitzvah of "And you shall tell your child." During these days, everything we do is directed toward the next generation. It’s the ideal time to reflect on the fact that we all want to give our children good lives- not only in the present, but also by equipping them with tools that will help them in the future, when they are grown and no longer under our care. Despite our good intentions, we often struggle with knowing which are the right tools, and how we can prepare our children to succeed in life.

Our good intentions often clash with reality, and more than once, the result is emotional toxicity and a negative atmosphere. The core reason for this is that we tend to focus on our children’s flaws and shortcomings, thereby crushing their potential. We tell them how bad they are for teasing a sibling, how indifferent they are for not doing homework, or how lazy they are for not completing their responsibilities. All this does is weaken and discourage them and drains their joy and motivation.

Contrast that with toddlers- research shows they make about 10,000 attempts between their first efforts to walk and their first successful steps. Adults, by comparison, are often broken by a single failure. Why is this? The toddler is naturally filled with curiosity, energy, and a desire to grow. They are too young to compare themselves to others or to internalize shame. As they grow, repeated criticism, comparisons, and discouragements teach them a dangerous belief: “I’m not capable.” From there, despair and further failure are just around the corner.

Even the Talmud (Bava Kama 92b) hints at this, quoting Rava: “When we were young, we were considered men; now that we’re older, we’re considered like children.” The little ones achieve incredible developmental milestones, while adults often stagnate despite their full intellectual capabilities.

To truly equip our children for a better life, we must focus on their strengths and encourage them to use them. In order to do that, we must first reeducate ourselves.

The Power of Positive Reinforcement

True strength doesn’t lie in identifying flaws and especially not in taking pride in noticing the weaknesses of others. On the contrary, our real problem is that we focus too much on the negative both in ourselves and in others. We may even boast about how "realistic" or "critical" we are. What if we chose instead to focus on the good?

In practice, for someone to reach their potential, they first must believe in it. This requires shifting from thoughts like “How bad I (or others) am,” to “How good I (or others) can become.” What’s surprising is that working to strengthen our positive traits is often easier, more effective, and more uplifting than obsessing over our failures.

Focusing on our strengths can be a life-changing move. Instead of spending 80% of our energy analyzing our problems and only 20% solving them, why not reverse it? Identify the issue quickly, then devote the bulk of our energy to building up what does work, and what we’re already good at.

We may not succeed right away, and in fact, our first attempt might fail. That doesn't mean that we can’t grow, but that we need persistence and positive effort. Perhaps we'll take two steps forward and one step back, but that still means we’ve advanced one step. That is progress! Real self-confidence is not a result of compliments or regrets, but from repeated, personal experience of growth and success. “If I am not for myself, who will be for me?”

We do need to prevent harm and minimize mistakes, but that’s just the starting point- it’s not the goal. The goal of life is to grow and flourish.

Identifying Strengths: A Path Forward

To live a meaningful life, let’s begin identifying our strengths today. Simply recognizing our good qualities already feels energizing. We may have not even taken action yet, but naming those strengths already fills us with hope and direction.

Passover is the season of new beginnings. We are commanded to “observe the month of spring”, a time of renewal. Let’s preserve and nurture our own fresh, life-giving strengths:

• If we can learn- let’s learn at the highest level we can.

• If we’re socially gifted- let’s deepen those relationships.

• If we can sing- let’s sing with full voice and heart.

• If we know how to listen- let’s become truly present listeners.

That kind of spirit will not only influence us, but our children and grandchildren as well. “So that you may tell it to your children and to your children’s children.”