A Teenage Girl’s Brave Battle with Leukemia and the Journey to Embrace Inner Beauty

When the daughter of Chabad emissary Rabbi Zalmen Wishedski of Switzerland was diagnosed with leukemiaת the family knew they were about to embark on what they called their “journey toward healing.”

As part of her emotional and spiritual coping process, 17-year-old Mussy chose to share her experience in an article published in Chabad’s girls’ magazine “LeBanot.” In it, she opens a window into her inner world. “I can’t,” she writes. “I take a deep breath, but I just can’t. I can’t look. I can’t think. I can barely speak, let alone write about this. I run. I’m always trying to run away from it. But I’ll write- because they say writing is freeing...so I’ll try.”

"My Hair Was Me" – The Loss of Outer Beauty

Mussy describes how much value she always placed on her appearance- something that began at a young age and grew stronger over the years. “Anyone who knows me knows how much it matters to me to look good. I have my own unique style- my bold colors, my accessories. Scarves, cool sunglasses, funky watches... Everything I wear is ‘Mussy.’ It’s just me. And my hair- a high, long ponytail was perfection. A braided side pony with a little lift at the front, cascading over my shoulder- that was my signature. It was stunning.”

But now, she writes with raw honesty, she has been left with only her inner beauty. “My outer beauty has been taken from me, for a time that feels like forever. My long, beautiful flowing hair is gone. My thick dark eyebrows are barely there. My long black lashes have mostly fallen out. I’ve been left with just me and myself, and myself with me.”

“It Was Like a Slap in the Face- But a Painful One”

Though young in age, Mussy expresses herself with depth, emotion, and profound authenticity. “It felt like a slap in the face—but a painful one”, she writes.

It wasn’t the treatments or even the days she felt physically unwell that stole her joy, but the changed image in the mirror. “That’s harder for me than the illness itself”, she confesses.

“It’s Time to Focus on My Inner Beauty”

At first, she felt ugly, even though everyone told her she was still beautiful. But with time, and with the support of her loved ones, she began to see how destructive those thoughts were. “I realized I was just causing myself unnecessary suffering. Isn’t the illness and the treatments enough? Why should I add more pain? I need to learn to love myself as I am. Maybe I also shouldn’t be ashamed. Is it my fault that I got sick? This is how I look now, so this is how I’ll be.”

And then something shifted. Amid the internal noise of “what will people think?”, Mussy experienced a powerful moment of clarity. 

“Until now, I gave so much weight to my outer beauty”, she writes.
“But maybe now it’s time to focus more on my inner beauty. After all, I have something to give there, too.”

And then she names it: “Courage. Yes, I think it’s called courage- to tell the whole world about something that’s hard for you, something you’d rather hide.”

A brave and beautiful reflection from a young soul who is discovering a deeper kind of strength- one that no illness can ever take away.