Rewiring Fear: How the Brain Can Learn to Let Go

Amazing things happen in the brain. Take a moment to appreciate the incredible power we have to change- especially when it comes to life’s difficulties, fears, low self-esteem, or any painful experience.

Assaf came to therapy feeling completely broken. For nearly fifteen years, he had lived every single day consumed by fears that he was going to die a painful death soon. Joy no longer felt like joy, pleasure was dulled, and his life was wrapped in anxiety. He was skilled at hiding it, but his inner world was filled with torment. When he described what he was going through during our first session, he broke down in tears. It was impossible not to feel compassion.

Assaf was suffering from severe OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). The treatment used in his case was a combination of CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy), both of which are evidence-based approaches. A central component of treating OCD and other anxiety-related disorders is exposure and response prevention- a technique that many therapists are familiar with and that has been shown to be highly effective in numerous studies.

In exposure therapy, the person gradually and repeatedly faces the feared situation or object, within their limits, sometimes with the therapist present. Over time, repeated exposure helps the brain “get used to” the fear. Like a piece of gum that loses its flavor the more it’s chewed, the feared situation gradually loses its power.

Naturally, this sounds terrifying to someone dealing with anxiety. “Expose myself to the thing I’m afraid of? That’s what I’ve been running from! How can that reduce the fear? That doesn’t make sense!”

I often explain it with this metaphor: 

“Have you ever jumped into a cold pool?”

“Yes.”

“I imagine the water was freezing- did you jump right back out?”

“No, I stayed in. I knew that if I stayed, I’d adjust.”

“Interesting. But the water didn’t get warmer, did it?”

“No. I guess my body just got used to it.”

“Exactly. But what does ‘getting used to it’ really mean?”

I go on to explain that when you jump into cold water, your brain registers a potential threat because of the sudden temperature change. It sends out an “alert” in the form of discomfort. But if you stay in the water, you’re signaling to your brain that there’s no real danger, and eventually, it stops sending that alert.

The same is true for anxiety. When a situation is scary, the brain triggers fear responses- hormones like adrenaline increase stress levels, creating a snowball effect of panic. But when you voluntarily face the fear and stop fearing the fear, you signal to the brain: “It’s okay now.” And through repeated exposure, your mind starts to accept that the situation isn’t so dangerous after all.

Research shows that every fear we experience is encoded in our brain. Simply remembering a frightening event can bring back the same fear- it’s literally wired into our neural pathways. The brain doesn’t always distinguish between imagination and reality, which is why recalling a fear can feel as real as reliving it.

However, here’s the breakthrough: When we revisit a memory from a place of readiness- when we’re prepared to feel fear without running from it- we weaken the emotional intensity. A big part of fear is the fear of fear. When we accept and allow ourselves to feel the emotion, we take away some of its power.

What’s more, the brain re-encodes the memory with this new, reduced level of fear. So the next time we encounter the same situation, our brain will remember that it wasn’t as terrifying. With each exposure, the fear level decreases, and confidence increases.

The same principle applies to the cognitive aspect of CBT. When we consistently train ourselves in healthier thought patterns, the brain registers and adopts those new mental habits, giving us stronger emotional resilience over time.

Truly, as the psalm says: “How great are Your works, O G-d; You made them all with wisdom.”

Chagai Tzadok specializes in psychotherapy and marriage counseling.