When the Windshield Isn’t Perfect: How Our Mood Colors Our World

"How’s it going?" someone asks you. 

"We’re managing… uphill," you reply.

Does this sound familiar? Sometimes in life, we find ourselves overwhelmed by difficulties and negative thoughts. It's natural- we all have better and worse moments. When we feel bad, it’s hard to accept it, and we don't always succeed in improving our mood.

Even when we feel just a little bit off, we tend to see everything through a negative lens. For example, if someone has a rough day at work, they might come home and suddenly notice more problems in their life.

On the other hand, when we're in a really good mood, we can even warmly embrace someone we usually dislike.

Recently, I saw a man who didn’t look religious. He bought an elaborate and expensive mezuza case. He approached the cashier with visible excitement, sharing his joy: "I bought the fanciest one! It’s really beautiful!" and other similar comments. It was a bit awkward to see him so thrilled while the cashier politely smiled, clearly a bit embarrassed. But he didn’t care- he was genuinely joyful and in his own world.

Later, I walked behind him and saw him notice a beggar. He pulled out a generous sum of money, gave it to the man with a warm smile and kind words- almost hugging him in his excitement.

It was clear he was overwhelmed with happiness from doing a mitzvah (good deed). For him, this wasn't a habitual religious duty; it was alive and real. In that moment, the whole world was rosy.

It’s important to recognize that when we’re happy, the world seems bright; when we’re upset or angry, everything seems dark. This highlights how easily our perspective can be skewed by emotion. Aaron Beck, the cognitive theorist and a pioneer of CBT, referred to this a “negative frame.”

Consider what happens when we drive and mud splashes on the windshield. We try to wash it off with water and wipers, but some marks remain. We spray, wipe, spray again, but those stubborn spots won’t go away.

The more we try to remove them, the more they bother us! If we could just accept that a few spots remain and not be bothered, we’d quickly realize the windshield is 99% clean. But we keep focusing on the spots.

The same is true for our emotions. The more we dislike and resist uncomfortable feelings, the more they bother us.

You’ve probably noticed there are days when we feel tired and it crushes us, and other days we feel just as tired but keep going, even energetically. What’s the difference?

When we’re busy and not focused on uncomfortable feelings, we function at full steam. But when we fixate on them, they hold us back.

So it is with emotions: the more we can accept feeling off, the more we can internalize that life on earth includes failure, hurt, and hardship. If we can meet this with equanimity, the discomfort won't control us.

The key is to recognize that I don’t feel great right now, and that’s okay, because this is life. I won’t let unpleasant emotions defeat or stop me. I’ll keep moving forward with full energy!

When it’s okay that there’s a little mud on the windshield, you’ll appreciate that the rest is clear, and you can keep driving to your destination without a hitch.

Hagai Tzadok is engaged in psychotherapy and marriage counseling. To contact the "Nafshi B'shealati" department: 073-33-33-331, or anat@htv.co.il