The Essence of Education - Educate Each Child According to Their Nature

Many are puzzled by the verse: “Educate the child according to his way” (Proverbs 22:6). Should a child actually be educated according to his own immature way? Would it not make more sense to educate him based on the experienced, principled ways of his parents and teachers?

Picture two children in the same household. One shows signs of miserliness- hoarding what he receives and unwilling to share with siblings or friends- while the other is overly generous, giving away everything and never considering the future. It would not be effective to speak to both children the same way about generosity or frugality because each child must receive guidance that strengthens their weaker trait. Both must learn about the dangers of extremes, but each needs targeted encouragement based on their individual tendencies.

Additionally, one child may be so sensitive that a simple look of disappointment is enough to motivate change, while another might need explicit and direct guidance. A hint will not help the latter, and a sharp rebuke may emotionally harm the former.

Now the wisdom of the verse becomes clear: "Educate the child according to his way”- according to his unique path, his nature, and his disposition. This applies both to the content of what we teach and the manner in which we teach it. Only then will the second half of the verse be true: “Even when he grows old, he will not depart from it.”

Channeling, Not Erasing, a Child’s Nature

The Vilna Gaon, drawing on the Talmud, offers an even deeper insight. The Talmud (Shabbat 156a) teaches that one born under the influence of Mars (a symbol of bloodshed) will be a “shedder of blood”- but this could be positive or negative: a surgeon, mohel, butcher, or a murderer.

The Gaon explains this as a profound principle in education: the goal is not to change a child's nature, but to channel it. A child with a strong temperament or attraction to danger cannot simply become gentle, but they can be guided to use their tendencies for healing, mitzvot, or constructive purposes. Every trait can serve a positive role when used correctly.

For this reason our sages don't speak of “good” or “bad” personalities, but of good traits and bad traits, based on how they are used. A bold child can be a leader, or a bully. A cautious child can be wise, or paralyzed by fear. The trait itself is neutral- the key is its direction and measure.

“Educate the child according to his way” therefore means: understand who he is, and help him fulfill his unique potential.

Support Without Overcontrol

A foundational principle in education is support with space for independent effort. Too much independence severs the child from parental guidance, but too much control turns the child into a robot who acts without understanding or ownership.

If a child struggles with homework, the parent should guide, but not provide the answers. Help the child locate the material, offer hints, but let the child do the thinking. If a child makes a mess that overwhelms them, don’t clean it for them, but assist and encourage them to do it themselves. Transportation? Don’t always drive the child to the destination, but help them figure out how to get there when appropriate.

Developing Independent Thought

We must support intellectual development from an early age. In the book Ohel Yaakov v’Leah we are told: “Answer a child’s questions. Don’t dismiss them with ‘You’ll understand when you’re older.’ Curiosity is the seed of adult wisdom. A child who grows up in a confusing, unexplained world may lose interest in learning altogether.”

Even life’s joyful or painful events should be shared with the child in age-appropriate ways. Honest conversations build trust, connection, and a sense of security.

Teaching Values Through Real-Life Encounters

Exposure to improper behavior in public can become an educational opportunity. If a child hears inappropriate language on the street, use the moment to express clear disapproval and highlight how “in our family, we speak with a clean and respectful mouth.” If they notice immodest clothing, explain the dignity of the human being and how modesty reflects inner honor. Teach them that “clothing” (לבוש) is linked to the word “not ashamed” (לא בוש)- we cover ourselves because we are elevated beings, not animals.

It can be helpful to point out that powerful non-Jewish women, like world leaders, avoid immodest clothing out of respect for their roles- how much more so a Jewish girl, described in Psalms as “All the glory of the king’s daughter is within.”