The Power of Respect: How a Husband’s Conduct Shapes His Home

"A man should always be careful with the honor of his wife, for blessing only enters his home because of her, as it says: 'And it was well with Abram because of her.’”

When a woman feels valued and respected by her husband, she becomes the channel through which blessing and abundance flow into the home. And the opposite, G-d forbid, is equally true. A wife who is cherished and honored by her husband becomes like a well-tended flower- vibrant, flourishing, and full of life. The one who benefits most from this is naturally, her husband.

The woman is called to "act according to his will and regard him like a prince or a king, going along with his desires and avoiding what displeases him." A man is naturally endowed with the emotional tools suited for facing the struggles of livelihood and protecting the home. These essential qualities, while positive and necessary for the family unit, also create a deep-seated emotional need in him to feel like the decision-maker.

A wise woman understands that there is no degradation or loss of status in guiding the home in line with his wishes and avoiding what he dislikes. This isn't an instruction for the man to act as though he’s royalty- but a directive that she offer him the feeling of authority. In practice, a surprising dynamic unfolds: a man who feels honored like a king by his wife often gives up the “role,” and in many cases, tells her to do as she wishes or even actively seeks her opinion and agrees with her. Rarely will such a man oppose her decisions outright without her agreement.

Couples who live this way find deep joy together. The woman is happy because she doesn’t crave authority over the home, and the man, who receives that sense of leadership from his wife, does not act against her will on things that are important to her. In this atmosphere of mutual respect, she too becomes more flexible. Women are emotionally adaptable, and ready to shift their perspective to support the man they love.

The husband must be extremely careful. As Maimonides writes, “He should not instill excessive fear in her. He should speak to her gently, not be sad or irritable.” As the emotional anchor of the household, his mood sets the tone. A calm, joyful, encouraging man brings vitality and strength into the home. Since the wife naturally looks to him for emotional support, his sadness sends a signal of disappointment with her or the household, even if the sadness stems from something entirely external like work stress or financial worry. He must not betray his role as protector and provider of emotional security.

A happy husband means a happy home but a sad or irritable one casts a shadow over the household. His demeanor can either elevate or depress the spirits of everyone under his roof.

Anger is even more damaging. A man who is quick to anger, raises his voice, or instills fear becomes a source of emotional pressure. His presence stops the cheerful activity of the home so that people withdraw, stop talking freely, and walk on eggshells. Even in matters of halacha, like informing him of a mistake that made a dish non-kosher, his wife may hide it out of fear of his reaction, possibly causing him to sin. As our sages said: “Anyone who instills excessive fear in his home will eventually cause transgressions of adultery, bloodshed, and Shabbat desecration.”

The Talmud even recounts a case of a prominent man whose excessive intimidation almost caused him to eat forbidden food. These are just examples of the vital information that can be concealed in a household where fear reigns.

Such a husband should not be surprised if his children avoid confiding in him as they grow older, and seek others- sometimes harmful influences- for guidance.

Interestingly, Maimonides emphasizes that a man must not be “sad or irritable,” but he doesn’t include a similar expectation in his list of demands for the wife. Why? Because these are not just ideals; they are essential. A man, as the one generally more outwardly active and engaged with the world, can function even when his wife is occasionally upset. But a woman, especially if she is primarily home-based, draws her emotional energy directly from her husband. If he is sad, it dims her inner light- like a moon that has lost the sun’s illumination.

Likewise with anger: a woman’s softer nature makes her more vulnerable to emotional harm from an angry spouse- especially when the very qualities meant to protect her are turned against her. In such a relationship, she either becomes emotionally crushed and unable to function or, alternatively, puts up a fight to defend herself.

Either way, both lose out. The greatest loser is the man who brought all this about with his unchecked anger.