Finding Yourself Through Meaning: How Purpose Heals Depression and Fuels a Fulfilling Life

It's common to hear people say “I’m trying to find myself”. What does that really mean? What is it that the person is actually looking for?

The answer, is meaning. Something that provides a sense of vitality and satisfaction, a personal goal that comes from within, that motivates a person to take action, filling life with energy and purpose.

Meaning gives rise to the desire to pursue a goal, and that pursuit brings satisfaction and interest to one’s life. When I have a meaningful goal, I feel valuable and worthy- I’m not “nothing.” The more important the goal is to me, the more active and fulfilling my life will become. It works like a snowball effect: active living leads to satisfaction, which fuels more motivation for action, which again leads to fulfillment, and the cycle continues.

When a person comes in complaining of depression, one of the first things we do is try to add more meaningful activity into their life. In many cases, when we examine the schedule of a person suffering from depression, we’ll find blocks of time where they are either doing nothing or engaging in passive, unproductive behavior, such as endless screen time or just “passing time.” This passivity often reflects a deeper lack of meaning.

We must therefore reduce passive behaviors and increase meaningful activity in life. There are two types of activities that both play important roles:

1. Pleasure-based activities, like eating ice cream or going on a vacation.

2. Value-based activities, like investing in one’s marriage, raising children, completing long-postponed tasks, or studying something professionally beneficial. These may not be enjoyable in the moment, but they bring long-term fulfillment.

Balance between the two is essential. Pleasure recharges us, but value-based activity provides meaning. Without the former, a person burns out. Without the latter, life feels empty and meaningless.

At times we may encounter someone who is busy and enjoys life, but is still depressed. How is that possible? This brings us to a crucial distinction: internal meaning vs. external meaning.

• Internal meaning is when the goal aligns with personal values and identity and feels right from within.

• External meaning is based on social pressure or expectations.

For example, someone might pursue a career in law or accounting because that’s what everyone in the family does. Over time, they may feel unfulfilled, even depressed, despite success. This is because the goal never came from within. Maybe deep down they longed to be an artist, but they never gave voice to that desire. Living with an unexpressed inner purpose often leads to emotional burnout and loss of vitality.

When trying to shift a life path toward more meaningful goals, it must be done gradually. Even a shallow or externally driven goal might currently be the person’s only source of connection to life. Taking it away too quickly could be dangerous. This is where professional guidance is essential.

It's also important to have multiple meaningful goals, because life is unpredictable. If one path becomes blocked, another can still provide a sense of purpose- through family, career, or spiritual pursuits.

Interestingly, a person whose life revolves around Torah study is far less likely to lose that sense of meaning. It is accessible, deeply personal, and not dependent on external circumstances. Torah often comes with a set of meaningful values including community, family, and spiritual growth, which ensures that the person has multiple anchors of meaning. Hence, the ideal of "one who gives his life over to Torah" is so deeply fulfilling.

Why does a lack of meaning often result in depression? There are two common responses to the “I’m not worth anything” feeling:

1. Passive withdrawal – avoiding challenges and isolating oneself.

2. Escapism – addictions, overeating, excessive smoking, etc.

The first is an attempt to avoid painful feelings, and the second is an active search for fleeting highs to cover the inner emptiness. For instance, a person might use food or constant stimulation as a way to distract from their lack of inner purpose, but the moment the pleasure ends, the emptiness returns. Even traveling the world might become just another way to run from the inner void.

Maimonides points out that the pleasure from physical indulgence fades as soon as the act ends, proving that these desires are not the true goal of life. Their role is functional- to sustain life, but not to fulfill it. For this reason the Torah sets boundaries to direct desires toward healthy, meaningful expression.

People who lack deep inner meaning are more vulnerable to addiction. The addiction acts as a false substitute, a momentary thrill to distract from the deeper pain. True healing requires discovering a real, internal purpose. Without it, the addiction becomes the only “escape.”

The same applies to binge eating or excessive smoking which are often rooted in a desperate search for meaning. When an individual finds a powerful and fulfilling purpose, the grip of these behaviors weakens.

Having meaning in life is essential. According to Jewish wisdom, the most lasting and impactful form of meaning comes from Torah, because the One who created us knows what we need to truly thrive. The Torah isn’t distant; it’s right here, accessible, practical, and transformative. With it, a person doesn’t need a backpack and walking stick to “find themselves"- they’ll find themselves right here, right now.