The Strength and Success of Self-Control

1. What Is the Secret of the Persistent?

In 1969, Professor Walter Mischel of Stanford University conducted one of the most famous experiments in the history of psychology, known as the “Marshmallow Test.” This groundbreaking study explored the ability to delay gratification. It was held in Stanford’s preschool, where transparent walls allowed Mischel to observe the children in real time.

In a bare room sat a table and a chair. On the table was a bell and a plate with one marshmallow.

Each child who entered the room was told they could eat the marshmallow at any time by ringing the bell. However, if they could wait 15 minutes without eating it, they would receive a second marshmallow as a reward.

There were no toys, books, pictures, or anything to distract them which made the challenge harder.

Over two full years, Professor Mischel observed 653 children. Most held out for about a minute before giving in. Some ate the marshmallow the moment the door closed, without even bothering with the bell.

Only a few managed to wait the full fifteen minutes and earned the second marshmallow.

Twelve years later, in 1981, Professor Mischel followed up with those children to examine their academic and personal development. It turned out that the children who failed the test generally struggled more in school and exhibited behavioral issues. Meanwhile, those who succeeded scored an average of 210 points higher on college entrance exams and tended to succeed more in nearly every area of their lives.

We must lead our lives and raise our children and students to develop self-discipline and the ability to delay gratification. These are qualities that enable lasting success.

2. The Freedom to Build, the Freedom to Destroy

About seventy years ago, the “winds of freedom” began blowing through the Western world, especially from America. These winds argued that desires should not be repressed, that children should not be “burdened” with obligations, and that everyone should just follow their inner compass.

But a quick look around us shows the damage this ideology has wrought: impulsive spending, aggressive outbursts, failed diets, short-term efforts, even shallow relationships. A world increasingly ruled by unchecked urges, losing its ability to manage them.

The Torah teaches the opposite view- it tells us that true human strength lies in the ability to delay gratification.

The holy Zohar writes that the most dangerous creature in the world is the human being, because G-d implanted within us the traits of wild animals: brazenness, arrogance, cruelty, and more.

But on the flip side, the human being can be the crown of creation. The choice is ours.

3. “Better One Who Rules His Spirit Than One Who Conquers a City”

Our sages recount a fascinating meeting over 2,300 years ago between Alexander the Great- the famed spreader of Hellenistic culture and ruler of the known world, and the Sages of Israel during his brief visit to the Holy Land. “Who is truly mighty?” Alexander asked. No doubt, he saw himself as the answer. After all, he was the brilliant tactician behind the Battle of Gaugamela, where he defeated the mighty Persian Empire. He built the largest empire in ancient history with his own two hands, all by age thirty.

But the Jewish Sages had a different perspective: true strength is not external, but internal.

A quality life isn’t measured by pleasures or fulfilled desires but by how well one controls those desires. The real hero is therefore the one who masters his impulses.

In a world that has increasingly adopted Greek materialism, let’s strengthen our inner might, and learn to control, rather than be controlled.