Who Is Truly Honorable? Surprising Wisdom from Our Sages

It seems reasonable to assume that an upholstered chair is one that has been upholstered, an organized table is one that has been tidied, and a renovated home is one that has been renewed.

It therefore seems logical to say that an honored person is someone who has been honored by others.

Is that the case according to the perspective of our Sages? We might be surprised to discover their definition: “Who is honored? One who honors others.” (Pirkei Avot 4:1)

Let’s unpack this profound teaching:

1. What Is True Self-Respect?

Self-respect is the value a person places on themselves- on their character traits, personality, intellect, past, future, and all aspects of their life.

2. The Root of Respecting Others

A person who truly respects themselves also understands that just as they have emotions, intellect, purpose, and uniqueness, so does every other person. In that light, the ability to respect others stems from a healthy and conscious sense of self-worth.

3. And the Reverse?

Yes, it works both ways. A person who routinely disrespects others is usually someone struggling with low self-worth. Disrespect stems from a lack of internal value. The very word disrespect (zilzul in Hebrew) is rooted in the word for cheapness (zolel). Someone who devalues others often does so because they themselves feel “cheap” inside.

4. What Should We Do with Disrespect?

Don’t take it personally. When someone disrespects you or behaves poorly, it usually reveals more about them than about you.

Some people are like clouds, when they drift away, the sun comes out. When a person constantly interprets reality through their own emotional filters, they often feel hurt or insulted. However, when we allow ourselves to move forward, rather than staying stuck in blame and self-pity, we don't allow questions such as “Why did they say that to me?” or “Why did they treat me that way?” dominate our inner world.

A Powerful Standard: Never to Harm Another

The great Rabbi Avraham Yeshaya Karelitz, known as the Chazon Ish, once said: “The highest level a person can reach in this world is to live seventy years without hurting another Jew.”

The Chazon Ish was once invited to a brit milah (circumcision ceremony). The event was delayed, and during the wait, an elderly man stood up and began delivering a sermon on the weekly Torah portion. The room was noisy. People were talking, and it seemed as if the speaker was addressing no one.

The Chazon Ish sat quietly and listened attentively. He even nodded in agreement. When the elderly man finished with warm blessings, the Chazon Ish responded with a heartfelt “Amen,” all to make the man feel seen, valued, and respected.

The True Measure of Honor

Honor isn’t something we receive- it is something we give.
A truly honorable person lifts others up, not by demanding respect, but by offering it.

In the eyes of our tradition, the greatest badge of honor is to honor others.