The Life-Changing Power of Judging Others Favorably

The sages teach in Pirkei Avot (Ethics of Our Fathers): “Judge every person favorably.” When you see someone who is assumed to be an upstanding person, do something that outwardly appears wrong, the Torah commands: “With righteousness shall you judge your fellow.” The Talmud explains that this mitzvah isn't only for a judge (as in the verse “Justice, justice shall you pursue”), but for every person. We are obligated to give others the benefit of the doubt and to actively look for a positive interpretation of what seems to be a negative action.

If a person sees his friend in a field picking and eating something that looks like it's not his. Many people would instinctively assume that he's stealing. We are however commanded to assume that perhaps he already got permission from the owner. Beyond the mitzvah itself, there's a deep life principle here: someone who habitually judges others favorably trains their mind to see the world positively and will eventually learn to view themselves more compassionately as well.

In Kiddushin, the Talmud says: “One who disqualifies others, reveals their own flaw.” If someone is always criticizing others, especially about a certain weakness or failure, it's often a sign that they themselves struggle with that same flaw.

Why is that? A great ethical thinker explains: if you are truly clean of a specific fault, you’ll likely respond to someone else's failure with empathy or indifference, rather than judgment. If however that same issue is something you wrestle with, you’ll be more inclined to notice and condemn it in others.

Oftentimes, we judge others without knowing the full story. Rabbi Aryeh Levin, known as the "Tzaddik of Jerusalem," once lost a lifelong study partner. He attended the funeral in deep sorrow, and someone observing him noticed that, partway through the funeral procession, Rabbi Levin quietly slipped away and entered a flower shop. He emerged with a small ceramic pot. The observer was deeply troubled by this- how could he go shopping during such a solemn moment? But he said nothing.

A few days later, the curiosity got the better of him, and he gently asked the rabbi about it. Rabbi Levin explained that earlier that day, he had visited a hospital for people with contagious diseases. He noticed an empty bed and was told the patient had passed away. Rabbi Levin asked what had become of the man’s tefillin. The staff said they had to burn them, due to the risk of infection. Shocked, he pleaded for an alternative. They agreed, on the condition that he would immediately bring a sealed clay pot to store the tefillin safely. They gave him a strict deadline. That was the reason he left the funeral to buy the pot.

This story is a powerful lesson on judging favorably- we never know the full picture. We must think, how would I want others to judge me, if they saw me in a confusing or compromising situation without context?

Judging favorably is not only a mitzvah, but also a key to peaceful relationships, especially in marriage. Sometimes a spouse may say, “I know my partner well- there’s no way I can give them the benefit of the doubt on this.” However, by imagining the other person’s life, their childhood, their temperament, their emotional background and everything that shaped who they are, we may realize that if we were born with their personality, raised in their home, perhaps we'd act the same, or even worse.

If a husband is upset that his wife is always on the phone, he might judge her harshly. But he can also recall the teaching of the sages: “Out of ten portions of speech that descended into the world, nine were given to women.” This wasn’t said to belittle women, but to explain their natural gift of communication- especially essential in raising children, which requires constant, thoughtful conversation.

Men, by contrast, often have a more externally focused nature- what the sages refer to as “the foreign minister” of the home- dealing with challenges, protection, and provision. For this reason they were given stronger traits such as assertiveness and external leadership. Women, being more present with children, were gifted with greater verbal ability.

Modern science supports this too. Speech is centered in the left hemisphere of the brain. In women, that hemisphere tends to be more active, even from early childhood as girls often start speaking earlier than boys. It's rare to find women with speech difficulties for this reason.

Kabbalah teaches the same: the female soul stems from the left side (the realm of Gevurah- strength and judgment), while the male soul stems from the right side (the realm of Chesed- kindness and expansion).

By understanding others more deeply- whether a stranger, a spouse, or a child- we create space for compassion, peace, and more loving relationships. It all begins with one small yet powerful practice of judging favorably.