Why Words Matter More Than Money: The True Power of Emotional Giving

Even greater than providing someone with their material needs, is giving them emotional support. We learn this from the Talmud (Bava Batra 9b): “Rabbi Yitzchak said: Whoever gives a coin to a poor person is blessed with six blessings, but one who encourages them with kind words is blessed with eleven.”

Much has been said about the greatness of tzedakah (charity). It can destroy a harsh decree, save a person from death, protect from Gehenna (purgatory), help one's prayers be accepted, and more. The power of giving tzedakah lies in two major elements:

1. Helping the one in need – financially and emotionally.

2. Improving the giver – parting with money, which we are emotionally attached to, refines the soul and lifts us spiritually.

Even if one lacks money to give, they can still fulfill the mitzvah of kindness by offering support and empathy, and this is greater than giving charity. Kindness with words is done with one’s self- their presence, heart, and soul. As the Maharsha writes: “Acts of kindness are greater than charity, because charity is with one's money, while kindness is with one’s body.”

People often prefer to give money rather than time or emotional energy. A husband might tell his wife to hire extra help rather than offer his personal assistance at home. This emotional distance isn't limited to marriage- the principles about giving to the poor apply across all relationships. Often, emotional support is needed to a greater degree than practical help.

Jewish teachings show that giving can happen on three levels:

1. Through money.

2. Through physical help.

3. Through emotional support- encouraging words and kindness.

Surprisingly, this last one is often the hardest. Giving money or effort is external, but offering praise, warmth, and validation requires sharing the soul.

Speech is the voice of the soul. As the Torah says in Genesis (2:7), G-d formed man from the earth, breathed into him a soul, and “man became a living being.” The Aramaic translation explains: “He became a speaking spirit.” Speech expresses the inner self and when a person uplifts another with heartfelt words, they’re giving part of their very soul.

Even a poor person would prefer encouragement over money, because although groceries can’t be bought with compliments, emotional hunger runs deeper. 

This is especially true in marriage. Husbands and wives devote themselves physically, emotionally, and financially to one another- yet often become “stingy” with their words. Despite how easy it is to say something kind, many hold back with excuses such as:

• “That’s not my personality.”

• “I won’t say what I don’t feel.”

• “Why should I praise them if they don’t praise me?”

• “They’re just doing what any spouse should do- what’s special about that?”

These aren’t signs of integrity, but they reveal an unwillingness to share the soul, the deepest and most personal part of oneself.

If you truly want to give to someone- whether it’s a spouse, a child, a friend, or a stranger in need- don’t stop at money or favors. Give your heart, your voice and your soul. A single word of kindness may be more nourishing than anything money can buy.