Keys to Life: Strengthen Your Marriage Through the Power of Peace

Couples who have been married a long time often say: "I know it’s right. I know I should give in for the sake of peace. But where will I find the strength to keep doing it?"

The more entrenched the issue and the harder it is to face, the more emotional resilience is required to withstand the ongoing tests, until peace and harmony are finally restored.

Beyond the strength we can draw from considering the enormous reward that comes with achieving peace- the joy, serenity, and fulfillment it brings- we can also find deep inspiration in the degree to which G-d values peace, how far He Himself goes for the sake of peace between a husband and wife, and the immense reward promised to those who make peace.

How Much Does G-d Value Peace?

The verse says: “Its ways are ways of pleasantness, and all its paths are peace” (Proverbs 3:17). The Torah contains many paths and commandments, but every single one of them leads to peace. Peace is not just a value in Torah, but the outcome and essence of every mitzvah.

Our sages also taught: “The Holy One, Blessed Be He, found no vessel that could contain blessing except for peace.” Blessing refers to abundance and goodness in all areas of life. And here the Creator of the universe tells us: The only true vessel that can hold all of that blessing is peace. Without peace there is no vessel and therefore no blessing. From this we can understand the great importance of peace, not only in our homes but in all human relationships.

To What Extent Should We Sacrifice for Peace?

The Talmud says: “Great is peace between a man and his wife, for the Torah commanded that the name of G-d- which was written in holiness- should be erased in water.” This refers to the ceremony of the Sotah (a woman suspected of infidelity). Whether or not the suspicion is justified, the couple cannot live peacefully. The Torah commands a priest to write the Sotah passage on parchment, which includes G-d’s name, and dissolve it in water that the woman must drink. If she sinned, there are consequences. But if she is innocent, she is rewarded with children or enhanced blessings in her children.

The goal is to clear the doubt, restore trust, and bring peace back to their home.

G-d could have commanded a different ritual that didn’t involve erasing His holy name, but He chose this path to teach us how far we must go for peace.

Next time you're in a conflict, ask yourself: Is what I’m being asked to give up more than G-d’s holy name being erased? That reflection alone can give you the strength to go far beyond what you imagined possible, for the sake of peace in your home.

The Great Reward for Bringing Peace

The Mishnah teaches: “These are the things a person enjoys the fruits of in this world, and the principal remains for him in the World to Come: honoring father and mother, acts of kindness, bringing peace between people- and Torah study outweighs them all.” (Peah 1:1)

If someone who helps bring peace between others receives such reward, how much more so a spouse who makes peace by letting go, even when it’s difficult.

We put so much effort into achieving health, happiness, success, and livelihood in this world. A much simpler and more powerful path to all of that is to choose peace. “G-d will give strength to His people; G-d will bless His people with peace.” (Psalms 29:11)