Self-Fulfillment – A Path to Inner Wholeness

I’d like to raise a topic that, in my opinion, weighs heavily on many people’s hearts: the issue of self-fulfillment, or the question of “How can I find myself?”

I understand these terms may sound vague, yet many people feel a deep desire to do something meaningful with their lives- something that brings them joy and a sense of purpose. Daily routines don’t always provide that satisfaction, and while that may reflect the spiritual smallness of our generation, the result is clear: someone who doesn’t find joy within themselves doesn’t radiate joy to those around them. Their life becomes gray, heavy, and unmotivated.

I’d be very grateful if you could address this subject and share the Torah’s perspective.

Blessings,
Yitzchak B.

Self-Fulfillment: The Journey to Wholeness

Let’s bring some clarity to the concept of “self-fulfillment” through the lens of Torah. The modern notion of self-fulfillment originates in Western culture. In that worldview, the concept centers on freedom, pleasure, and self-liberation: “Let everyone do what they want, what they enjoy, what suits them.” The belief is that by doing so, people will reach happiness and fulfillment.

When fulfillment means casting off responsibility and chasing every whim, it leads to personal and societal collapse. Clearly, this is not the type of self-fulfillment Judaism endorses.

As someone who interacts with many people, I can say that your question reflects a very real restlessness shared by many people. There are those who work but don’t enjoy what they do, and others don’t work and also aren't happy. Many feel they are missing a true sense of purpose and satisfaction- the kind that comes from doing something meaningful, from creating, building, contributing. This is the deeper yearning for self-fulfillment- not the Western version, but the authentic Jewish one.

True Fulfillment According to the Ramchal

The Ramchal (Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto) writes in Derech Hashem (Part 1, Chapter 3, Section 12): “Every created being achieves wholeness when it fulfills what its Creator inscribed for it to do- and remains incomplete so long as it does not do so.”

From the tiniest fish to the loftiest angel, every creation strives for completion. That wholeness is reached only when the being does what it was created to do- when it acts in alignment with its nature, its role, and its G-d-given traits.

Mosquitoes and angels don’t struggle to fulfill themselves because they naturally do what they were designed for. But they also don’t receive reward or punishment. Human beings, on the other hand, are endowed with free will. We can choose to chase illusions or to align with our soul’s purpose. That is our test. If we act according to our spiritual mission- if we “fulfill ourselves” by living what G-d inscribed within us- then we merit reward. If not, we suffer the consequences.

What Does “Self” Really Mean?

Here we encounter a deep divide between Jewish self-fulfillment and the secular version.

In Western thinking, “self” is whatever comes from within- any desire, impulse, or emotion. Whatever brings me joy is seen as right and good, even if it hurts others. The self is priority, and its desires must be fulfilled.

In Judaism, the true self is the soul- a divine spark from above. Our wants and whims are not the self, but rather the distractions of the body. The body is merely a tool that serves the soul, but the soul is the core. It doesn’t want indulgence or chaos- it desires peace, meaning, and connection to the divine.

Our soul yearns for honest, healthy expression in all areas: family, work, daily life, mitzvot, and spiritual growth. True fulfillment is not the gratification of ego, but the blossoming of the soul’s unique potential in this world.

Sometimes we don’t know exactly how to get there. But if we listen closely, we’ll hear inner signals telling us when something needs to change, when our soul is longing to fulfill its purpose.

"Good Pain" vs. "Bad Pain"

All of us experience moments of tension, discomfort, or dissatisfaction. That’s normal. Life isn’t always smooth. However, chronic dissatisfaction in work, marriage, parenting, or spiritual life is a red flag. It often signals that part of the self- part of the soul- isn’t being expressed or fulfilled.

Some people ignore those signals due to upbringing or habit, and just keep going. But this can be dangerous. Judaism does not glorify suffering for its own sake. Suffering, like physical pain, is a warning system. If something constantly hurts, you must address it.

That said, there’s a difference between “bad pain” and “good pain.”

• Good pain is the discomfort that comes from growth- like childbirth. It’s hard, but rewarding. “I worked, I pushed myself, and now I feel the joy of what I’ve done.”

• Bad pain is the exhausting, empty kind- doing something you don’t love over and over, without purpose or choice. That kind of suffering can lead to burnout, depression, and even physical illness.

When a person loses their zest for life- when their spirit feels crushed or stuck- it’s time for healing through true self-fulfillment. It’s time to ask: What’s missing? What’s buried? What part of my soul is longing to be seen, used, and expressed?

True self-fulfillment doesn’t mean chasing every desire. It means listening to your soul’s voice and aligning your work, relationships, and routine with the unique purpose G-d placed inside you.

That is Jewish self-fulfillment. And that’s a journey worth pursuing.