To Speak is a Talent, to Listen is an Art

This article is intended for educators, professionals in counseling and emotional support, parents, and anyone seeking to improve communication and meaningful conversation.

Rabbi Moscato of blessed memory once wrote: "If a person were able to ascend to heaven and witness the celestial hosts in all their orderly perfection, he would not find true pleasure in the experience until he could return and tell a friend about the great vision he saw."
(Quoted from the introduction of Ketzot HaChoshen by Rabbi Yehuda Cohen)

This illustrates the deep joy a person feels in sharing their experiences with a friend- even after seeing the angels in heaven, true delight is only the result of recounting it to another.

That joy is multiplied when the person listening responds with encouragement and genuine attentiveness. There is great kindness in simply listening to someone, especially when they are in distress

And yet, despite knowing the value of listening, we often find it difficult. When someone begins to speak, we tend to want to jump in with a comment or prove that we're knowledgeable, especially if we have impulsive tendencies.

This article explores the art of listening, and how to create space for others to speak so we can truly hear them.

What Kind of Mindset Creates the Right Environment for Listening?

To foster a healthy space for conversation, we must approach it with a desire to help and benefit the other, through our presence and attention. Listening itself is already a great act of help, even without giving advice or solutions. This approach is built on the following principles:

A. Empathy – The willingness and ability to step into another's shoes and see the world through their eyes.

B. Patience – A genuine willingness to hear the other person out fully without interruption.

C. Openness and Acceptance – A readiness to accept the other’s world- their culture, personality, lifestyle, and thinking- even if it is different from your own.

D. Neutrality – Setting aside your ego to be fully present for the other person.

E. Recognizing Uniqueness – Seeing the other as an individual with their own identity and value.

F. Empowerment – Identifying and highlighting the speaker’s strengths and helping them see their positive qualities.

G. Faith in the Other – Offering them confidence in their own internal abilities and emotions; helping them believe they can handle their challenges, make decisions, and find solutions.

Beware of “Communication Blockers”

Certain behaviors and statements can block conversation and discourage someone from opening up. These are often unconscious, but they break trust and momentum. Examples include:

• Criticism – “You really messed up. You should apologize to your manager.”

• Overly Personal Questions – “Did your father ever hit you?”

• External Distractions – Phone ringing, fidgeting with papers, outside noise or music.

• Condescension – “Once you reach my age and experience life like I have, you’ll understand.”

• Interrupting or Finishing Sentences – Signals impatience and disinterest in hearing the person out.

• Blame – “You do realize this whole mess is your fault, right?”

• Moralizing – “That behavior is just childish.”

• Misdiagnosing – “Oh, your whole family is like that…”

• Unsolicited Advice – “You should transfer to a different school.”

• Sarcasm or Mockery – “Did you think you could throw a tantrum and your friend would just sit quietly?”

• Judgment – “Only people with no backbone would do something like that.”

• More Criticism – “If I were you, I’d say ‘no’ and just walk away from them…”

​In next week's installment, we’ll explore practical tools and techniques for listening that strengthen trust, deepen communication, and help people find their own solutions.

Dan Cohen-Certified is a diagnostic evaluator and senior in special education and remedial teaching