Who Are You Trying to Impress?

I knew a young man who whenever he spoke to people, tilted his head slightly to the side. Why? Because someone once told him that from that angle, he looked like a famous actor. Most people didn’t agree, and some probably thought he was a bit off, but that didn’t matter to him.

It sounds funny, maybe even ridiculous, but  don’t we all do something similar whenever we let society's opinion shape our actions?

Our physical side loves the intoxicating illusion of “everyone thinks I’m someone important.” But our spiritual side longs for something real. The physical says, “Let’s be impressive for a moment.” The spiritual says, “Let’s live a meaningful life.”

We may identify with the spiritual side, but so often, we live out the physical one.

What's Driving You?

Ask yourself honestly: Are your choices really yours, or are they made to impress others?

If you’re planning an event, a career move, or a trip abroad, what’s your motivation? Are you genuinely drawn to the experience? Or are you chasing attention and approval?

Create two lists:

1. Things your friends use to impress you- such as appearance, intelligence, money, charm, achievements.

2. Things you do to impress others.

Now ask yourself: What is it about these things that makes me feel important? Why do I need that validation?

The Approval Addiction

The craving to be admired is deeply human, but it’s also a sign of something deeper. Often, it’s compensation. We’re searching for meaning, but since we haven’t fully found it, we settle for recognition.

Seeking honor is a clue that a person doesn’t truly value themselves. It’s like saying: “Maybe I’m not really worthy, but if I can convince others I am- maybe that’s enough.” Deep inside however, we know we’re chasing fool’s gold.

People who feel truly fulfilled don’t need applause. If you believe in your worth, you don’t depend on what others think.

Free Yourself from the Fear of Judgment

If your self-worth rises and falls based on the opinions of others, you’re at the mercy of every social breeze. You’re a leaf blowing in the wind of trends and expectations. If however you are grounded in your values and your sense of purpose, you can hold your course, no matter what the world thinks.

G-d called the Jewish people “a stiff-necked nation.” That trait can be a flaw, but it’s also our greatest strength. It’s what kept us alive through centuries of exile, surrounded by countless cultures, theories, and trends. Only a people with a strong inner backbone can survive without losing themselves.

The Illusion of Image

There are people who never stop boasting. They constantly announce: “Look at me- I’m somebody!” But the Zohar says that anyone who boasts about a mitzvah loses their merit for it, because they turned a sacred act into a self-promotion campaign.

The Jewish perspective says that when you do something good, the only two who need to know are you and G-d. Be generous and kind quietly. G-d knows exactly how to reward you.

Playing Roles – and Losing Yourself

One of the most destructive ways we try to impress is by constantly playing roles. We become someone different in every setting.

• Around the gym crowd? We act like athletes.

• With friends? The life of the party.

• At work? The serious professional.

We may be filling ten or twenty roles a day which is exhausting and dangerous. If you wear too many masks, it becomes easy to forget who you really are. Ask yourself: Who am I really? Who do I want to be- not who do I want to appear to be?

"Fake It" – For Growth

To be fair, not all role-playing is bad. In fact, it can be a tool for growth. The Sages taught: “External actions awaken internal change.” Act joyful, and joy will follow. Act kind, and kindness will grow within you.

Indeed “fake it till you make it” can be meaningful, as long as your goal is inner growth, and not outer applause. To know the difference, as yourself how you feel when it's over.

• If you feel fake and empty- you were trying to impress.

• If you feel aligned and uplifted- you were becoming your better self.

The need for validation holds us back from becoming our best selves. If your confidence depends on recognition, it's time to reassess and ask yourself: If I had the choice, would I rather be famous and miserable, or unknown and fulfilled?

Chasing respect kills your ability to be authentic. Every time you feel the urge to say “Look at me!”, stop and ask: “Who am I trying to impress, and why?”

You might convince the whole world you’re amazing. But can you convince yourself? At the end of the day, that’s the only voice that really matters.