10 Golden Rules for Building Strong Friendships That Last

Don’t Criticize Your Friends

It’s not your role to correct your friends, unless they explicitly ask for it, and only if you're certain that your comments won’t create distance or discomfort. Criticism comes at a cost, and you may not be ready to pay it.

Don’t Speak Behind Their Back

Speaking behind a friend’s back is absolutely forbidden. It causes others to distrust you because if you gossip about one friend today, what’s stopping you from gossiping about another tomorrow? Not to mention the high likelihood that your words will get back to the person you talked about, and you’ll lose their trust or earn their resentment.

Stand By Your Opinions

If you share your opinion and others disagree or even mock it, try not to be swayed. Experience shows that people who base their views on public opinion are rarely respected, whereas someone who stands firm despite peer pressure earns admiration.

Don’t Be Stubborn

This doesn’t apply to people who always take the opposite stance just to argue. Such people aren’t seen as principled, but as irritatingly stubborn. If you always feel the need to take a contrarian view, it’s best to keep it to yourself.

Don’t Cling to People

If you sense a friend is distancing themselves, don’t chase after them. Don’t ask, “Why are you pulling away?” because often that only pushes them further. Instead, resist the urge to pursue them, take a step back for a few days, don’t send messages or ask others to intervene, and don’t create conflict. Most likely, they’ll come back on their own, and may even inquire why you’ve been distant.

Don’t Listen to Gossip About Yourself

Never allow anyone to share gossip about you under any circumstance. If someone wants to give you direct, honest feedback, they should speak for themselves and be upfront. Never accept “I’m not the only one who feels this way.” Even if you're dying to hear what was said about you, resist. Gossip is harmful to your emotional health and distances you from others. A person who learns to avoid listening to such things becomes stronger, more confident, and ultimately more successful.

Give Generously Of Yourself

Giving is essential in every relationship, especially in friendships. A person who gives, shares, and considers others earns genuine respect. If you’re emotionally grounded, independent, and respectful, your giving will be seen as a strength, not a weakness.

Giving isn’t only about chocolates and candies, but also a smile, a compliment, and a kind face.

Be Emotionally Stable

Emotional stability is crucial for healthy relationships. Instability, mood swings, and unpredictability are relationship killers. A person with a volatile temper may build up friendships, only to ruin them with one angry outburst. In a single moment of emotional chaos, they can lose the trust of an entire group.

Exploding in rage or completely losing control are never acceptable. Such behavior can destroy your reputation in a day and even ruin your home life.

Be Loyal

This rule is the most important. We often use the phrase “a loyal friend.” Why not “a smart friend” or “a funny friend”? Loyalty is one of the most critical traits people look for when choosing their friends. People are willing to accept many flaws in a friend, but disloyalty is a dealbreaker. Even if they stay in touch, they’ll never see that person as a true friend.

We seek friends because, as the Torah says, “It is not good for man to be alone”. What good is a friend who deserts you in hard times? Be completely loyal to your friends. Refuse to listen to gossip about them, and certainly never speak badly about them. Defend them even if it puts you in an uncomfortable position and sacrifice for them without expecting a reward. Never measure who’s “more loyal”. Just be loyal.

Loyalty goes both ways. When a disloyal person finds themselves in trouble, no one rushes to help, because that’s what they taught people to expect. Allow your friends to feel secure with you, and you’ll feel secure in return.