From Self-Doubt to Self-Worth: A Journey of Inner Strength

Hi Henia,

I'm a young mother, and I struggle with low self-esteem and feelings of inferiority. These feelings have always accompanied me and greatly affect my daily functioning. I experience a lot of stress in public places, social gatherings and celebrations. Even at work I am unable to express myself because of my insecurities.

Is there a way out of this- and how?

With much hope,
Libi

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Dear Libi,

Let’s begin with your question: Is it possible to get out of this?

The key word is hope- and with hope, you can achieve so much. You say you have much hope which is a great starting point. The second condition is effort- real, lasting change requires hard work.

The third is self-acceptance- true transformation begins when you can accept yourself as you are, even with your feelings of inferiority and imperfection. Tell yourself: This is who I am, and that’s okay. There are valid reasons why I am this way. Self-acceptance is a foundational step in building a stronger self-image and inner confidence. It means embracing even the parts of ourselves we’d rather do without such as our weaknesses and flaws. When we learn to love and value the whole package, we open the door to real growth and change.

Dear Libi, take it to heart: love yourself as you are. Tell yourself: I’m okay, even if I’m not totally okay. This mindset will give you the strength to begin with gentle small changes. Our inner world resists harsh “battles,” and often fights back, causing us to stay stuck. As the verse says, “With clever strategies wage your war”- not head-on combat, but careful, strategic inner work.

When working on something as deep as self-worth, you do not need dramatic gestures to prove yourself, but small, realistic steps that align with who you are.

What is self-worth?

Self-worth is the part of our personality that tells us: Who am I? Do I see myself in a positive light? Do I value myself?

If the answers are positive, you have healthy self-esteem, and from that, confidence flows. If you hold a negative opinion of yourself, your self-image is low, and subsequently your confidence suffers.

We all have different strengths and weaknesses in various areas. But our overall self-image is about how we see ourselves as a whole- do we generally feel good enough or not good enough?

People with high self-esteem are aware of their flaws, but they still love and value the full picture. They can handle criticism because they’re not shattered by it. On the other hand, those with low self-esteem are often crushed by criticism, drowning in guilt and self-blame, which paralyzes them and keeps them stuck.

How do we build confidence?

Is it just a matter of luck? Were some people simply born confident?

Indeed, we are born with different tendencies. Some are extroverted and outgoing, while others are introverted and inward-focused. But even introverts can be confident, and there are extroverts who lack confidence.

Personal development expert Gael Lindenfield explains that we’re all born with similar innate basic building blocks for confidence, and we each have the potential to grow. Confidence is not determined by what we’re born with, but the type of emotional environment we grow up in.

The primary place this sense of confidence is shaped is in the family, as this is where we first learn if we can feel secure. Parents with low self-confidence are more likely to raise children with similar struggles.

Interestingly, research shows that it’s not the amount of money or time parents invest that determines a child’s confidence, but how the parents live, how they feel about themselves, their ability to be a stable presence, and the emotional space they give their child to grow and thrive.

A baby learns about their worth through the messages they receive from their surroundings. For the first 5–6 years, the family is almost solely responsible for shaping this sense of worth. Later, school and peers add influence, but even then, family remains the strongest influence.

Children who are affirmed and encouraged at home can bounce back from challenges, whereas those who didn’t receive that support may still doubt themselves. even in the face of success.

Is it too late?

Absolutely not. With hope, effort, and self-acceptance, real change is possible- even if slower with age. It’s hard, but worthwhile. 

Following are some practical ideas for personal growth:

1. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

When you compare yourself and come up short, your confidence shrinks. Instead, remind yourself: we’re all different. Some people are tall, some short, some rich, some struggling. Regardless, we are all human and equal in inherent worth. Just like two trees- a mighty oak and a small pine growing through a crack in the rock- each has its place. Neither is better, they are simply different.

Discover what is unique in you- a quality or talent that only you bring to the world and focus on that to develop yourself.

2. Affirm Your Uniqueness

Even if your parents didn’t affirm your individuality, you can do that now. There is only one Libi in the world. Accept her as she is. What does she do well? What does she love? Write it down. It doesn’t need to be impressive- just genuine.

3. Use Visualization and Relaxation

Close your eyes and imagine yourself successfully doing something you want to improve at. In a relaxed state, your brain is more open to suggestion. Visualize yourself doing it better and with more confidence. Then go try it in real life. One small success leads to another- nothing boosts confidence like real-world wins.

4. Work on Specific Confidence Components

Gael Lindenfield identifies key components of confidence. When you break it down into small parts, it’s easier to work on each one:

Inner Confidence Includes:

A. Self-Love
Confident people respect both their physical and emotional needs. They can receive praise without guilt, focus on their strengths, and don’t obsess over their flaws.

B. Self-Awareness
They know their strengths and weaknesses, have a sense of identity, don't follow the herd, and are open to learning from feedback.

C. Clear Goals
They have a sense of direction, set realistic goals, and take ownership of their growth, even with small steps.

D. Positive Thinking
They are optimistic, believe in solutions, and stay focused on growth, even through setbacks.

External Confidence Includes:

A. Communication
The ability to listen, empathize, connect, read body language, and speak clearly, even in public.

B. Assertiveness
Expressing your needs respectfully, standing up for yourself, giving and receiving compliments, and negotiating effectively.

C. Emotional Regulation
Staying calm under pressure, managing emotions like jealousy or anger, and allowing yourself to enjoy happiness without guilt.

D. Presentation
How you carry yourself- your appearance, posture, and overall impression.

Libi, these are just some of the markers that lead to real self-confidence. You can begin working on them by yourself, one step at a time. If possible, I highly recommend joining a support group or workshop focused on self-esteem and personal growth. This will provide encouragement, structure, and new strategies for building your self-worth.

Wishing you strength and success on your journey!

Henia Luberbaum is a clinical social worker and therapist, director of Magen.