"He Doesn't Understand My People's Pain": Women Share Their Interfaith Relationship Struggles

Dana McCader, who lives in London, heard about the horrific massacre in the southern settlements only at 12 noon on Simchat Torah. In an interview with 'LaIsha' magazine, she explains that she discovered the extent of the tragedy when hundreds of messages from family and friends awaited her on her mobile phone. She called her German partner, crying, hoping for some comfort – but received an indifferent response.

Although she tried to clarify that this was an unusual event, McCader felt her partner struggled to understand the seriousness of the situation. "He just cannot grasp my pain or that of my people," she describes.

"I Felt I Was Mourning Alone"

Even after a few days, Dana couldn't return to normalcy or function, and the difficulty with her partner grew: "I felt I was experiencing a sense of mourning and experiencing it alone," she recounts painfully. "Later, I felt I constantly had to provide him with explanations: why Israel does what it does, why it's not Israel's fault. This started to cause conflict between us."

Seeing she couldn't function and the difficulty weighed on her partner, Dana decided to fly to Israel to be with people who understand the pain.

"Sometimes the gaps are too deep, and you realize it under extreme circumstances," she concludes.

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"No Common Language"

Inbar shares similar feelings. Two days after arriving with her British partner for a visit to Israel, the war broke out. While she and her family were shocked by the reports and glued to the news with tears in their eyes, she explains that her partner was completely detached, and, despite explanations of the events, he wasn't interested.

"I realized that there is really no common language between my partner and me. True, he's not Israeli nor Jewish. But still, how can you remain so indifferent?"

Following the war and her partner's indifferent and disappointing behavior, Inbar saw the massive gap between them and understood there was no future for the relationship. Ultimately, she decided to end it.

"I understood that this situation made me think more clearly than ever and realize there wasn't a chance for us. It's clear to me that if he were Israeli, or even Jewish, he would have shared in my mourning feelings," stresses Inbar. "He specifically could not provide me with that support, and it extinguished all my love for him."

Miri Jacob feels similarly, especially when her French partner blames Israel for what happened.

When she tried to explain the gravity of the situation, she felt in the minority. If before the horrific massacre, she was uncertain whether to move abroad to be with him, now she is unsure if the relationship has a future. In her words, "It seems he will never understand Israel's side, and I honestly don't know if this can work in the long run."

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