"I Bought Clothes He Didn't Like, and He Beat Me Without Mercy"

Bat-Chen (28) came from a religious family in a large southern city. She was a naive girl. "I didn’t know much about life," she says. "At home, they didn’t always understand me, and I didn’t always get proper attention to my emotions. Even at school, I wasn’t understood, and slowly a rebellion developed that escalated to the extreme. Today, I realize you can’t fill that lack of attention with such a destructive relationship. This is my message to young girls."

One day, when Bat-Chen was 14, a girl from the neighborhood, who was already involved in questionable relationships, invited her to relieve boredom by going out for a walk. A car with guys from a nearby village stopped beside them. The friend who was with her knew the guys and convinced her to take a short ride. This is how she met the man who would later abuse her, leave her with lifelong scars, and father her children.

"I Felt Like I was Defying My Parents"

"I was a minor, and he was much older than me. He courted me and initially gave me everything I wanted. Before that, I didn’t know what it meant to have a boyfriend."

Bat-Chen didn’t understand the danger of this relationship or its deep significance, both according to Jewish law and Israeli law.

Didn’t you feel you were doing something wrong, crossing boundaries?

"I didn’t have judgment. Adolescents test boundaries. I felt satisfied with the extremity, like I was doing something intentional against my parents, but I didn’t understand that I was acting mainly against myself. At first, he gave me special attention. He always offered me drinks, said nice things, and gave compliments. I thought it was 'love,' and that it was nice to receive attention and listening from someone. Later the relationship broke, but I discovered I was pregnant. I didn’t understand the consequences, nor did I know what I was getting into. My dear parents supported me greatly and helped me through this period. I gave birth, and after the birth, I experienced depression. I was a very young girl and felt like my life was being taken from me all at once. Suddenly, I was a mom. And who was the father? Someone who was a threat and danger to me and my child. I didn’t know what to do with it."

The man tried to reconnect with Bat-Chen, and she, confused and sad, agreed to renew the contact. They met in secret, and eventually, she moved to live with him in his village.

"Although I received support from my parents, I was still emotionally dependent on this connection. The man from the village was afraid to introduce me to his parents because having a relationship with a Jewish girl wasn’t acceptable in their community, just as intermarriage isn’t accepted in ours. But eventually, his relative convinced him that I should move to live with him in the village."

No Beds and Kitchen. No Job or Friends

The living conditions were tough. They lived there with his parents and the whole clan around, without a kitchen and without beds. "We slept on mattresses. I had to wait for his mother, who was hostile to me from the start, to bring me food. He would come home from work, and I had to wait for him to bring me lunch. I spent most of the day alone. I didn’t understand Arabic, and they didn’t speak Hebrew. I didn’t work. I stayed home. Also, I wasn’t in touch with friends or family. I was completely alone. Suddenly all connections were cut. During that time, I had no dreams or hopes. I just lived in this kind of bubble, and I thought those were my life."

When did he show his true colors?

"Once, I bought clothes he didn’t like. He wanted me to try them on immediately, but I was tired and refused. He beat me mercilessly, and his face showed rage and hate just because I refused to try them on. I felt immense fear and hostility, as if I was near death, and didn’t know what to do. Afterward, he apologized. Said he 'loved me,' and used the typical words violent and hostile men say after an assault. You could say I learned to live with it."

(Photo: shutterstock)

"All the Hatred Comes Out of Him at That Moment"

What kind of violence did you experience?

"Regarding physical violence, it was with no regard and no mercy towards me. All the hatred came out of him at that moment. Additionally, there was also verbal and emotional abuse. I had to be quiet or else I’d get beaten. If I didn’t do what he wanted... I’d get beaten. The whole day felt like a marathon. I felt like I was walking on eggshells and couldn’t say what I thought."

How do you explain situations where a guy acts charming at first, but the moment the girl moves in with him, his behavior flips?

"I have no idea, but when you get to his village and environment, he becomes someone else. Outside, he can be the nicest person, but when you get to his place, he turns into an animal."

(Photo: shutterstock)

"They Mocked and Humiliated Me for My Judaism"

What was the attitude towards you during times of security tension? Did they mock your Judaism?

"For sure, they mocked and humiliated me for my Judaism all the time, even without war or security tensions."

Life continued in suffering. There were times Bat-Chen was beaten; she would call the police and flee back to her parents. The parents, heartbroken, constantly tried every opportunity and every way to convince her to stay at home.

"What could they do? They asked me to stay home, but I thought that this was love. He would convince me with words, always promise it wouldn’t happen again, and I would go back, leave, and come back again. I wanted to leave him completely and understood I didn’t want to experience this relationship anymore."

"She Said to Me: 'We Will Be with You and Help You,' and She Kept Her Promise"

When her child turned 3, Bat-Chen contacted Kalina Schwartz, the manager of the Department of Captive Women at Hidabroot.

"Kalina is an extraordinary woman. She gave me confidence, and I felt like I could truly trust her. She said, 'We will be with you and help you,' and she truly kept her promise. From the moment I left the village - within two days, I had a passport ready, and I flew abroad for several months to completely disconnect. They provided me with everything I needed and more. I felt I was in a place where I wanted to start my life anew and erase all the mistakes. But, quite shortly, I discovered I was pregnant again by him. He tried to contact me. I didn’t respond. I blocked him. Something in me changed. I realized I didn’t want this anymore."

Bat-Chen returned to Israel to give birth to her second child and struggled hard with the imagined feelings she had for the man who heavily abused her. The process wasn’t easy, but with Hashem’s help, she succeeded. Bat-Chen continues to receive help from Hidabroot, and her message to girls is not to seek warmth and affection on the streets and not to fall into the honeytrap of courtship and good treatment. Keep away from it as if it were fire. Whoever is already in such a dangerous relationship should listen to reason and not fall into deep emotional delusions.

"You can trust Hidabroot. There's someone who will help you, and they fear no situation or circumstance. They are with you every step of the way like a fortified wall that provides comprehensive and long-term support. You can get out of it, and more precisely, you must get out of it, and most importantly - carefully avoid getting into it altogether."

Captives – Department for Preventing Assimilation, for inquiries and reports: Tel' 073-2221333 or 052-9551591. Email kalina@htv.co.il