The Ramban’s Letter: A Timeless Path to Humility and Inner Peace

Rabbi Moshe ben Nachman, known as the Ramban, wrote a powerful letter to his son Nachman, whom he affectionately called “my loyal son.” In this letter, the Ramban shares a remarkable piece of advice that can help anyone develop the trait of humility.

He writes: “Make it a habit to always speak all your words gently—to every person, at all times. In doing so, you will be saved from anger, which is a bad trait. And once you are saved from anger, humility will settle in your heart, which is the finest of all traits, as it says: ‘The reward of humility is fear of G-d’ (Proverbs 22:4).”

In these words, the Ramban reveals his approach to personal growth: by letting go of internal anger, arrogance naturally begins to fade as well. External behaviors lead to internal transformation. When we get accustomed to speaking gently—not shouting, or using harsh or aggressive language, even with people of “lower” status—over time we train ourselves to overcome anger and think more calmly and clearly. From this gentle speech, humility takes root in the heart.

To explain this idea further, imagine a person walking down the street, head held high, chest puffed out, dressed in trendy designer brands, driving a luxury car. Even if, deep down, this person thinks of themselves as humble, over time, a negative trait of pride begins to develop. Eventually, they may start to feel superior to others, look down on people who seem less impressive, and their speech begins to reflect that—with impatience and condescension.

Contrast that with someone who internally may struggle with pride, but chooses to walk with modest posture, avoids eye contact as a gesture of humility, dresses with dignity but not extravagance, and speaks softly and respectfully to everyone. If someone calls their name, they don’t shout back, but answer gently, as if responding to a respected teacher. Slowly, their heart will soften. They will begin to feel genuine humility before G-d, which will reshape their inner world.

After giving a class one evening, a man offered to drive me home. As I got into the car, I noticed he was reading the Ramban’s famous letter. I asked him, “Why are you reading it?” He replied, “Because the Ramban promises that anyone who reads this letter will receive an answer from Heaven that very day.”

I asked, “Well, have you seen any miracles yet?”

He replied, “Miracles? Far from it. I’m in the middle of a divorce, and I just got fired from my job.” I answered softly, “Don’t give up. G-d will help.”

As we drove, he received a phone call from his wife. He immediately began shouting so loudly I thought my eardrums might burst. Then, in a moment of fury, he threw his phone, and shattered it.

At that point, it became painfully clear why he hadn’t received the Heavenly response the Ramban promised. Reading the letter alone isn’t enough. You can’t just recite it like a parrot. You must understand it, internalize it, and most importantly, practice it. That’s the only way to see real change.