The Test of Faith: How Do I Know What Hashem Wants From Me?

Often, a person decides: 'Now I want to sleep for a few hours so that I will have the energy to study Torah later!' He gets into bed, falls asleep, but shortly after, his wife or someone in his household makes noise and disturbs his rest. It is very common and natural for this to cause anger and irritation, especially when one's reasoning seems valid: How could they not consider that they are hindering my Torah study?

Similarly, a person asks his family to prepare food on time, so as not to waste time or disrupt Torah study, and they do not do as he wishes, causing frustration.

It's also very common for a person to become angry when he wants to rest, but just then the neighbor decides to drill into the wall loudly, or the neighbors upstairs are making too much noise, or the neighborhood children are playing right outside his windows, and so on, and in this way, a person's rest is disturbed, especially since he is thus prevented from studying Torah and praying as he should.

We must recognize a great principle:

Not everything we understand and wish to do to give Hashem pleasure is what Hashem wants to receive from us. Many times, the pleasure He wants to receive from us is not what we want to give Him, but what He asks of us, and what can we do but honor His will?

Do you not understand that His will from you now is for you to contend with your trial of anger, due to being awakened from sleep, or because your food was not prepared on time? That this is the Creator's desire from you, and it is more important to Him that you restrain your anger with faith that there is nothing but Him, more than what you would achieve in your study after sleep or after eating this meal.

It is simple that Hashem would not want you to provoke Him with your anger so that afterward, you can excel in your studies. It is clear that His desire is for you to overcome the trial that stands before you right now.

Who is a believer? The one who knows Hashem's will from him now!

We cannot decide for Hashem what to demand from us, nor do we have the right to give Him what we want when He desires something else.

Indeed, there are the rules of the Torah about what Hashem wants from us, and we are obliged to strive for them. But if we see that something unexpected happens to us, despite our intention, it indicates what is currently His will from us.

How much delight does a person provide for his Creator when he thinks: “Master of the Universe, I wanted to give You pleasure by engaging in Torah after sleeping and after eating, and now that I see that Your will and pleasure are for me to be disturbed from sleep, or not to have my meal prepared on time, and nevertheless not to be angry, all the more so, I will do Your will as Your will and not as mine.”

This is a true path that can prevent a person from much anger and strife, and it is the general principle of "nullifying one's desire," as stated in "Avot" - "nullify your will before His will," to nullify our desire in cases that happen to us, and to see that they are all with individual divine providence, adjusting our service to Him, as per the will revealed to us in the surprising event, even if it does not align with our plans, but it is according to His ultimate plan, so that we should not be angry and rebel against the obstacles that block us, even in His service.

The esteemed Rabbi Chaim Ozer ZT"L, when his only daughter was in her youth and gravely ill, close to death, during her final hours, sat down to write a complex halachic responsa to a question pending in a community. His reasoning was: since he saw that her end was near, and then he would not be able to answer the question for the duration of the seven days of mourning, he hurried to write in those last hours so that the members of that community would not have to wait a full week. ("Lishkno Tidreshu")

The article is taken from the book "Living with Faith". To purchase Rabbi Yaakov Yisrael Lugasi's book, click here<\/a>.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>