The Test of Faith: Struggling with a Difficult Spouse?

The Gemara in Yevamot (63b) says: "Behold, I am bringing a calamity that they cannot escape" (Jeremiah 11)—this refers to a bad wife whose marriage contract is substantial.

What greater consolation can there be for this person than the words of the Gemara (Eruvin 41b) that he will not see the face of Gehinnom. However, he must understand that this merit applies only if she is inherently difficult and troublesome, but if he provokes the fight in the home, causing her to be angry with him, curse him, and disparage him, then it is not the case at all. This is explained in the book "Shomer Emunim."

Therefore, he should strive with all his ability to fulfill his obligations and daily reflect on the ethical works, because if he does not strengthen himself, who will strengthen him through these harsh and bitter trials? But if he sits with himself every day and reads the ethical teachings about the value of suffering, and the virtue of silence when one is being disparaged, he prepares wisely for the evil inclination, as explained by the Chida.

A Woman Who Is Endowed with a Bad Husband

Conversely, a woman who is given a bad husband is also considered one who will not see the face of Gehinnom. She must strive with great patience to endure him and honor him, and they will merit what is said: "When the Lord is pleased with a man's ways, he makes even his enemies be at peace with him." And who are his enemies? "A man's enemies are the members of his household."

And they should know that everything is due to their own errors, and this is their rectification through divine providence. And when Hashem is pleased with their actions through repentance and good deeds, hearts will transform to love and peace.

Everything is under divine care, including how much a person will suffer from their spouse, how many humiliations and conflicts, and when they accept this with faith and silence, they fulfill their life's purpose in the world.

And even if you think: If only I had a good wife, I would be more righteous and so forth--this too is a mistaken thought, because who told you that Hashem wants the service that appears desirable to you? Perhaps, and indeed certainly, He desires your service as it is, amidst the intensity of your trials.

Whoever Hashem desires, He oppresses with suffering, as it is said (Isaiah 53:10): "Yet it pleased the Lord to oppress him." (Berachot 5)

This article is taken from the book "Living with Faith." To purchase Rabbi Yaakov Yisrael Lugasi's book, click here.