When Prayers Seem Unanswered: A Test of Faith and Divine Purpose

In a previous article we discussed the verse “The Lord tests the righteous” (Psalms 11:5), explaining that it is precisely because G-d loves the righteous that He tests them, in order to elevate them. As the verse says, “You have given those who fear You a banner to be raised high” (Psalms 60:6). The word nes (banner) also shares a root with the word for test (nisayon). G-d gives tests to those who fear Him in order to uplift and magnify them—just like a test reveals a student’s level and distinction.

In the time of ikveta d’meshicha (the generation before the coming of the Messiah), the primary measure of righteousness will be faith, which becomes the minimal yet essential criteria. This is the meaning behind the teaching in the Talmud that “Habakkuk came and established all of Torah on one principle: ‘The righteous shall live by his faith’” (Habakkuk 2:4). Meaning, in order to be called righteous in our times, one must live with faith that is constant, and inseparable from every event of life, from the smallest daily detail to the deepest matters of the soul.

A Disappointing Match

I want to share a true story I was personally involved in. A young man from the United States left his secular home and family in order to grow spiritually and study Torah in a yeshiva in Israel. He believed that by escaping the “trap” of his environment back home, he’d be safe here. He quickly realized that even in the Holy Land, there are challenges, albeit different ones.

He decided that the way to anchor himself and stay committed was to marry a G-d-fearing woman. We tried arranging several matches for him, but nothing seemed to work. Eventually, he became heartbroken and confided in me, asking, “What do I do now?”

I told him, “Go to the Kotel (Western Wall). Pour your heart out in prayer. You’re broken inside and G-d does not ignore the prayer of a broken heart. Pour your soul out like water before Him.”

He took my advice and went to the Kotel and prayed for hours, with deep emotion and tears. He finished his prayer around 7:00 PM. Just as he finished, he got a phone call from a matchmaker: “There’s a match for you, tonight at 8:00 PM.” He immediately called me, overwhelmed, and told me about the incredible timing. It seemed like divine providence—that the moment his heartfelt prayer ended, the phone rang with a potential match.

I told him, “This really does sound like a sign that your prayer was accepted. What a blessing.” I asked him to call me after the meeting to let me know how it went.

At 9 or 10 PM, I received his call. He was clearly emotional. I asked, “Well? Any good news?” He answered, “Rabbi, you know what I’ve been looking for in a match—certain qualities that really suit me. This woman didn’t have even one of them. Neither in personality nor appearance. It was the complete opposite of what I imagined.”

I was stunned for a moment, then said, “Well, maybe this just wasn’t your match.” He agreed, but then he asked: “What I don’t understand is, why did G-d show me this right after such an emotional, heartfelt prayer? If it had happened after I sinned or did something wrong, I could understand that maybe it was a kind of punishment. But this? After such deep prayer? Why would Heaven send me such a clear disappointment as if it were a divine response to my tears?”

I answered him, “My dear friend, “The Lord tests the righteous.” This was your test: Will you go again tomorrow to the Kotel to pray? Or will you back away and say, ‘Why bother praying again? I poured my soul out and was met with disappointment.’ Will you say to G-d, ‘I’m done. I don’t want this anymore’?”

This is precisely the kind of test of faith that G-d gives to those who believe in Him. When a person prays with a broken heart, full of longing, and still ends up disappointed, your faith is tested most in that moment. Do you choose to walk away or continue trusting to still see G-d as a compassionate Father who desires your true good?

Faith in Disappointment

King Solomon wrote: “The spirit of a person can sustain their illness, but who can bear a crushed spirit?” (Proverbs 18:14). Rabbeinu Yonah explains: A person’s spirit can endure even physical illness—as it says elsewhere, “A joyful heart is good medicine” (Proverbs 17:22). However, when a person’s spirit is crushed, and worry and despair take over, who can lift them up? The body can bear pain if the soul is strong, but the body cannot soothe a troubled spirit.

King Solomon’s message is clear: Beware of worry and despair and don’t let them rule over your soul. Instead, strengthen your faith, trust in G-d, and lean on Him.