How to Address the Phenomenon of Youth Drifting Away? Encouraging Words for Parents and Educators

Even the Deviation of Sons and Daughters from the Path of Hashem is Necessary for Their Rectification

Here, I will elaborate on the answer I gave to several parents whose sons and daughters have strayed from the path, asking, 'Master of the Universe, why has this happened to them? After they educated their children in Torah and fear of Heaven, how is it that they have strayed from the path?' Some even declare that they sacrificed greatly for their children's education. And so, their question is, why were their children snatched away by the forces of impurity to abandon their faith? After all, these boys and girls are snatched from sacredness at a tender age, lacking the strength to withstand complex temptations. They are only 15-16 years old, and who today is battle-hardened at such an age? Thus, who benefits from such a situation, and why does such apostasy happen among the young sheep?

And to this, I answered: This is a decree, and you have no permission to question it!!!

Many times, parents educate their children in an excellent environment, with educators that fear Heaven, investing much effort and finances for the child's success, and yet, 'He looked for it to produce grapes, but it yielded wild grapes' (Isaiah 5:2).

It is very often true that it does not arise from their negligence, and the fact is that many other parents invest less in their children, and yet they turn out exceedingly successful.

We need to understand: this is a decree!

Following the footsteps of the Messiah, there is a decree: insolence will flourish, a son will rise against his father, a daughter against her mother! And as we elaborated in our book 'Our Toil,' there are souls whose corruption is rooted in them, be it from the sin of the first man or sins in previous incarnations that were committed out of free choice, and it must express itself in their transgressions, and from there they will eventually come to their rectification. We explained there in detail that there are souls whose rectification is precisely this—to descend to the abyss and from there recognize the filth and abhorrence of impurity, disdain it, and return in teshuvah, so even this conduct is with divine supervision, from Hashem's love and desire for the rectification of all the souls of Israel.

And behold, the fact that you did not succeed in helping, despite not sparing your time from consulting the best advisors, for whom you paid well to diagnose their problems—all was in vain.

Moreover, we see that this phenomenon of bad culture occurs also with sons of Torah scholars and educators, and from homes of Torah and fear of Heaven, no less than among ordinary lay people, and perhaps even more. This is because it is not natural for such bad culture to emerge from a home that educates to Torah and fear of Heaven.

In many cases, this is necessary, it is a decree, and we must accept it in the ways one accepts any other decree.

With Him I Am in Trouble

Consider further, dear parent!

Are the children that Hashem blessed you with your children and not those of the Holy One, Blessed be He?! Do you not know that the holy souls of Israel are the children of the Holy One, Blessed be He, as it is said (Deuteronomy 14:1): 'You are children to Hashem your God,' and the sons and daughters you have are more His children than yours, as explained in the Gemara (Niddah 31a): Three partners are in man; the father provides the redness, and the mother the whiteness, while the Holy One, Blessed be He, breathes into man the soul of life, which includes sight, hearing, sense, intelligence, and understanding.

If so, who has greater share in the son, if not the Holy One, Blessed be He. And if so, is your disappointment not similarly the disappointment of the Holy One, Blessed be He?! And since your children are also His children, is it hidden from Him this pain that His son or daughter strays from His ways?! Does the Holy One, Blessed be He, feel less pain than you do?! Behold, the full script is: 'A voice is heard on high, lamentation bitter weeping—Rachel weeps for her children because they are not.' What is meant by 'they are not,' for they exist in abundance across the entire land? Rather 'they are not in Torah,' 'they are not in mitzvot,' 'they are not in the fear of Heaven.' On this primarily, the Shechinah's holy weeping is. If so, are you more compassionate than the Holy One, Blessed be He?!

If so, that comfort that the Holy One, Blessed be He, gives to the Shechinah, why should you not be comforted by it as well?

And what comfort does the Holy One, Blessed be He, offer the Shechinah: 'Restrain your voice from weeping, and your eyes from tears, for there is a reward for your work, says Hashem; they will return from the land of the enemy. There is hope for your future, declares Hashem, and your children shall return to their own border' (Jeremiah 31:15-16). If so, while this is the hardest decree, we can say, what have we to complain about the calculations of the Creator? Do we understand in such a painful proceeding?! If so, in the comfort that the Holy One, Blessed be He, provides the Shechinah, we also take comfort in it.

Therefore, see and understand that here the Satan intervenes in your anxiety over your children's fate, causing you stress and tension, and you must push him away, that stranger within you, and act for the sake of Heaven with wisdom and calm, not with rashness and stress.

Therefore, consider, all your anxiety and sorrow should be for the Shechinah's pain and not for your own interests and honor. A son or daughter is merely entrusted in your hands; they are not your 'property.' The souls are 'property' of the Holy One, Blessed be He. You are merely entrusted with them to educate them in Torah and mitzvot. Thus, you must only see the account in relation to your duty to your Creator, the owner of the deposit, and not concerning any friend or neighbor you may be embarrassed before, nor concerning yourself—to personally want a son who serves Hashem. Let all your actions be for the sake of Heaven, and in deep contemplation of this truth, come to address this issue with greater moderation because this is the way, as with all mitzvot of the Torah, to accomplish them with calm and a settled mind.

The article is taken from the book "Living in Faith." To purchase Rabbi Yaakov Yisrael Lugasi's book click here.