The Solution to Anger Is Humility

The true solution to anger is to acquire humility in our hearts, because it brings a person to patience. As Rashi explained (Numbers 12:3) the word 'humble' as lowly and patient. In other words, Moses's humility led him to be patient, and as I mentioned in the chapter "The Path to Humility," if we feel in our hearts that we are no better than others, rather the opposite, it might be that he is better than us, then we won't be angry with him, since we might have behaved worse than him if we were in his place.

A person who feels like dust, as we mention in prayer "and my soul is like dust to everyone," never comes to anger. "I don't deserve anything," he tells himself, and if someone yelled at him, "it probably was deserved," and if his request wasn't fulfilled, "it seems I'm not worthy," and so even if he didn't receive the food he asked from his wife, he knows that the food he did get is a free gift from the Creator, and his wife decided to prepare his meal at His will.

"In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth" (Genesis 1:1) -

Initially, Hashem created the world with the attribute of judgment (the name "Elohim" symbolizes judgment), until He saw that the world couldn't sustain itself on judgment alone and combined mercy with it.

Of Hashem it is said (Exodus 34:6) "a God merciful and gracious," because Hashem knows human limitations, and thus combined mercy. No one is free from mistakes, and therefore Hashem is patient so we may repent. If, Heaven forbid, Hashem punished immediately for every mistake, the world couldn't endure.

Expectations of Perfection

Anger often stems from the demand for perfection from oneself and others. When he sees his or his friends' actions are not as he expected, he immediately gets angry, and if only he would realize we all make mistakes, and if Hashem, who gives us life, deals with us patiently, why wouldn't we act with patience? And if we see someone making a mistake, we should instantly remember that we also have made mistakes, and such is the human condition to err.

A man who expects his wife to be perfect is likely in for a big disappointment and dissatisfaction with his marriage, while a wise man understands there is no perfect person. Even if he sees his wife made a mistake, even a big one, he will remember well that if the Creator of the world forgave him for past errors, he should follow Hashem's ways and forgive.

The same applies to our children. There are those who demand perfection from them and get angry at every small mistake, forgetting they also erred often in their childhood, maybe even more than their children.

I recall that in my youth, I removed stones from the yard and threw them over the fence. Unfortunately, I broke a passing taxi's window, and my father had to pay substantially for the damage I caused. Today, when the children break something at home, I remember my actions and tell myself:

"They haven't reached my level of mischief yet" - and thus, the anger doesn't take over me.

The demand for perfection can destroy a person - as I mentioned in the previous chapter - so let's lower our expectations of ourselves and others, and even if we made a mistake, remember that if Hashem forgives serious transgressions, we too can forgive ourselves and others.

Hashem doesn't demand perfection; He merely asks us to try. And if we really tried and still didn't succeed, then we fulfilled the will of Hashem, and we shouldn't demand more from ourselves than what our Creator demands.

Even if a person, Heaven forbid, sinned and seeks forgiveness from the Creator, the evil inclination still tries to make him sad, saying, "How evil you are! You've done something terrible, there's no hope for you..."

In truth, Hashem is merciful and gracious, He understands the human soul and its ailments. Therefore, He gave us the commandment of repentance, which completely erases the sin, and, Heaven forbid, there is no reason to be sad because it is the counsel of the evil inclination. Rather, rejoice in your heart and say - the Rambam already decreed: "In the place where penitents stand, even the perfectly righteous cannot stand."

Burden on the Soul

One of the causes for a person to be angry, such as on Friday afternoon, an hour before the entrance of Shabbat, it is a very tense time at home. Everyone is trying to finish last preparations before Shabbat, and naturally, the soul is very pressured, causing a person to get angry easily.

Therefore, it is highly advisable to prepare oneself not to react immediately during times of stress, but to wait a few moments until he collects his thoughts, and then respond calmly.

Similarly, a woman in the evening hours, when getting the children ready for bed, should know it is a time prone to anger. If she prepares properly and understands there's no need to stress, eventually the children will go to sleep. It only depends on her if they go to bed with kind words and love or, Heaven forbid, the opposite.

Some people are very pressured in their souls and don't understand why they're always angry, why they don't feel internal joy, why every phone call stresses them, why every small mistake others or they make boils their blood, why every little noise startles them?

The reason is very simple - they are "not calm," and don't feel peace in their soul!

If you want to check if my words are true, see how they feel when they are on vacation in a cabin in the north, amidst breathtaking green landscapes, with their phone off, hearing only birds chirping, you'll find they don't feel fear or stress, and it's very difficult to make them angry, with the future looking brighter than ever, and even small joys start to bud in their hearts.

I would dare to say that a person at peace with himself is far from anger, and to be angry, one must first lose inner peace. My intention is to say that if we train ourselves to be calm (as I will explain later, ways to achieve this) and not get stressed about everything, anxiety will vanish from our hearts, and inner anger will completely fade.

Even if someone hurt us with harsh words, we won't feel it while we are calm. And if we see our child doing something inappropriate, we will remain calm. We will correct them to educate them, but we won't feel anger in our hearts.

The book 'Yagil Libi B'Yeshuatecha' can be found in select stores and at Hadabroot Shops.<\/a><\/em><\/strong><\/p>