Rabbi Yigal Cohen – Why Do We Get Angry?

Anger stems from several reasons, the main one being the trait of "pride." Therefore, I placed this chapter on the trait of anger right after the chapter on humility, as humility leads to patience.

I will try to present to you some events that cause a person to become angry, and with God's help, I will try to explain the reason for the anger.

When a person is hurt by harsh and demeaning words, anger immediately arises in the heart of the offended friend, and sometimes it comes out through shouting, insults, threats, or retaliatory insults. In some cases, the response is a loud silence, harboring resentment in the heart, and at times, waiting eagerly for revenge.

How Much Are We Worth

This anger stems from the thought that we are worth a lot, and how dare someone speak or think such things about us, after all, we are wise, successful, we help others.

The same feeling applies to a husband whose wife has hurt his feelings. "Me, that's what I deserve? After all, I have done so much for her. I'm the one who takes care of all her needs. And this is what I get in return?"

And vice versa, a wife whose husband spoke to her disrespectfully, immediately thinks of all the good things she has done, and concludes - this is not what I deserve...

If, God forbid, your son was cheeky to you, immediately ask yourself why we are angry. Most often, the real reason for the anger is, "You're talking to me like that? Me, who brought you into this world? Who took care of you and supported you? I'm your father? How are you talking to me?

This anger also comes from pride!

I don't mean that you shouldn’t put the child in his place for his words or raise your voice to educate him, but why get angry?

A rabbi who is teaching a lesson to his students, and during the lesson someone stands up and says, "Rabbi, what you're saying isn't true." Usually, a certain anger enters the heart of the rabbi. Am I wrong? I, who have studied the Torah so much? I, who is praised by everyone for my analytical skills? And who is saying this to me, a student who hasn't learned a tenth of what I have learned? He says I'm wrong?

This anger also stems from the trait of arrogance, whose remedy I mentioned in the previous chapter.

The "I"...

A woman known for her elegant and beautiful style of dress is approached by her friend who says to her: "What are those clothes? You have no taste in clothes!"

And then immediately a cry bursts within her: "Me, no taste? I who everyone comes to consult about clothing? I who have received so many compliments from friends about my style, and this very friend who herself doesn't know what good taste is, dares to criticize me?"

You surely understand the cause of the anger - "pride."

A wealthy man who regularly gives a lot of charity finds that when an important Rosh Yeshiva came to ask for help for his yeshiva, he gave him a check for five hundred dollars. On seeing the check, the rabbi said, "What will this suffice for? I have five hundred students!" Hinting at his stinginess, and left.

Immediately, the wealthy man thinks in his heart: "How is he not ashamed of me? I who distribute more than a million dollars to charity every year? My merits outweigh the Rosh Yeshiva many times over, and he talks to me like that?

If the wealthy man would only realize that he is merely the safe of the Creator to hold the money and distribute it to the needy, he would not be angry, as he would know his real worth.

You asked your wife to prepare your favorite dish for dinner, and throughout the day, you even thought about the dinner that awaits you. And behold, to your dismay, without prior preparation, it's nothing less than corn schnitzel (not to disparage corn)! That's what your wife prepared for you today, and not only did she not cook your heart's desires, but she also didn't stay to eat dinner with you, and in her "wisdom," she went shopping with her friends.

"I who work so hard to support her deserve to eat frozen food? And alone? Another woman would certainly appreciate me more after all I've done for her."

- This is how the proud man thinks.

On the other hand, the humble and patient man says to himself:

"Certainly something special happened, that my wife who is always faithful to me did not manage to prepare a tasty dish today, and even if nothing special happened, who says I deserve more than frozen food, and in general, the provision in my house is due to my wife, not me. Thank God she still accepts me with all my faults."

A talented and diligent businessman, who in a certain deal was "stung" by a pair of scammers for a large sum of money. After digesting the situation, he begins to internally blame himself:

"How did I give them so much money without taking any security? How was I so stupid to believe them? After all, I've been doing business for so many years?"

And he continues to torment himself. And why so? Because he thinks he is perfect and has no concept of making mistakes, hence his anger. But if only he would understand that he is just human, and when God decrees a loss of money, there is nothing he can do to prevent it.

In conclusion - know our shortcomings, and do not be angry for every mistake others made towards us or that we made ourselves.

The book 'Yagel Libi Biyeshuatecha' is available at select stores and at Hidabroot Shops.