The Root of Anger: How Pride Fuels Frustration and Humility Brings Peace

Anger shows up for many reasons, the main one being pride. In this article, we will explore situations that commonly cause people to become angry, and explain the deeper reasons behind them.

When Someone Insults You

If a person is hurt by another’s harsh or disrespectful words, anger often rises in their heart. In some instances it bursts out as shouting, curses, threats, or insults, but in others it shows up as cold silence, holding a grudge inside, or waiting eagerly for revenge.

We get angry because we think: How could they dare speak to me like that? Don’t they know who I am? I’m smart, I’m successful, I help others…

Spouses and Hurt Feelings

A husband might think: After all I do for her, after providing everything she needs, this is what I get in return? A wife might feel: After all the good I do, he speaks to me with disrespect? I don’t deserve this!

In both cases, the root is pride — I, me, what I deserve.

Parents and Children

When a child answers back or disrespects a parent, the parent thinks: How can you speak to me like that? I gave you life, raised you, supported you, and I’m your father (or mother)! 
Once again, the anger comes from pride.

Of course, this doesn’t mean a parent shouldn’t correct the child or do what is necessary to educate them. But why respond with anger?

Teachers and Students

Consider a rabbi giving a class, and suddenly a student interrupts: “Rabbi, you’re wrong about that!”
The rabbi may feel a flash of anger: Me? Wrong? After all I’ve studied? After all the respect I receive? And this student, who hasn’t learned a fraction of what I have, dares to correct me?
Here too, the anger is born of pride.

The “I” at the Center

A woman who takes pride in her elegant clothing is told by a friend: “Those clothes don’t look good. You have no taste.”
Her thoughts erupt: Me? No taste? I’m the one everyone consults about fashion! I’ve received countless compliments. And she, who doesn’t even know how to dress herself, dares to criticize me?
The anger here is clearly rooted in pride.

Wealth and Recognition

A wealthy man gives a $500 check to a rabbi raising funds for his yeshiva. The rabbi responds, “How far will that go? I have 500 students!” The donor fumes inside: Doesn’t he know I give over a million dollars to charity every year? I’ve done more than he could ever dream of. and he talks to me this way?

If the donor truly saw himself as nothing more than God’s safe deposit box — a guardian holding money to distribute to those in need, he would not be angry because he would realize his wealth isn’t really his own.

Everyday Frustrations at Home

A man craves his favorite dinner and even spends the day imagining it. When he comes home, he finds a frozen corn schnitzel on the table, and his wife has gone shopping with friends instead of dining with him.

The proud husband thinks: After all my hard work, I deserve better than this! Any other wife would appreciate me more.

A humble man responds differently: Something must have come up. My wife, who is usually so devoted, wasn’t able to prepare a nicer meal today. Even if nothing happened, who says I deserve more than this simple food? After all, our livelihood comes through her as much as through me. Thank God she still accepts me with all my faults.

Business Failures and Self-Blame

A skilled businessman gets cheated out of a large sum. His anger turns inward: How could I have been so stupid? I’ve been in business for years! How did I trust them without guarantees?

Why is he angry? Because he thinks he should be flawless, and incapable of mistakes. If he would only recognize that he is human, and that losses too are decreed by Heaven, his anger would dissolve.

Pride vs. Humility

The root of anger is pride — the “I” that demands recognition, honor, or perfection. The antidote is humility: recognizing our limitations, our humanity, and God’s role in everything.

Instead of asking, “How could they do this to me?”, we can learn to say: “I’m not perfect either. This mistake, theirs or mine, is part of life. I accept it.”

That shift from pride to humility turns anger into patience and frustration into peace.