Paths of Faith: How to Help Your Husband Learn Torah More

How can we support the husband's learning?

• A wife's role is to be a helpmate

The duty of a wife is to provide for her husband's material needs for his spiritual growth. The Gemara (Yevamot 63a) recounts an interesting dialogue between Rabbi Yose and Elijah the Prophet: "Rabbi Yose met Elijah and asked, 'It is written, I will make for him a helpmate, how does a woman help man?'"

Elijah the Prophet replies, "A man brings wheat, does he chew the wheat? Flax, does he wear flax as it is grown in the field? Does she not enlighten his eyes and set him on his feet?" Elijah clarifies to Rabbi Yose: A person cannot eat raw wheat or wear flax as it is in the field. It must be transformed into nourishing bread and clothing. This is the wife's role (even though today it is in different ways and we aren't dealing with wheat and flax), to ensure the husband's material needs in every aspect, allowing him to grow and succeed in Torah and the service of Hashem.

A woman who is healthy in her soul, joyful, and eager to fulfill her role faithfully. It is a privilege for her with its reward, the joy of creation in meals, the compliments she receives from family, and most importantly – the reward she receives for study as if she learned herself, for she did everything for this holy purpose. The righteous say that when the husband learns, the wife's soul learns with him.

• A wife's support in her husband's Torah by not disturbing him

Seemingly when the husband studies at home, it may seem okay to interrupt him here and there, as he doesn't have a boss over his head... we must know that Torah study is no less important than the most profitable job. If he were in a business meeting yielding millions, would you interrupt him? This should be the standard.

Powerful words by Maharal: When a person learns, Hashem studies along with him. Therefore, when you disturb the husband while he studies, you disrupt the Divine Presence from studying.

Thus also when there is a question if he should be absent from the kollel for a certain reason, the finger should not be 'quick on the trigger'. Treat it as an absence from a job. As the words of an important Rosh Kollel: I can attest that when even one scholar is missing from the kollel, the entire kollel is lacking.

The severe transgression of Bitul Torah

When we realize how severe the transgression of neglecting Torah is, we will be more careful not to disturb him, Rabbeinu Yonah in Shaarei Teshuva (Gate 3, Section 14), brought evidence of the severity of neglecting Torah, as we find in the First Temple that Hashem pardoned idolatry, sexual immorality, and bloodshed, but not neglecting Torah, as it is said "For what was the land lost, Hashem said, it was because they abandoned My Torah". Likewise wrote in the Shulchan Aruch Harav (Laws of Torah Study Chapter 4, Section 7).

It is recommended and crucial to plan quality times for the marriage bond which is very important so there is Torah, peace, and joy in the home, but to do everything so it does not come at the expense of Torah study hours. A wife who cannot avoid disturbing her husband over small matters might be due to a lack of peace at home and a lack of confidence in the relationship, and sometimes due to emotional dependency, which requires counseling and treatment. Sometimes she might not know enough the value of Torah and its scholars as we will elaborate further.

Of course in emergency cases – childbirth, or illness of a family member – or another urgent matter, common sense should be used by both sides. The Torah is "and live by them".

When scholars wanted to initiate a study session on Friday evening before lighting the candles, Rabbi Steinman zt"l opposed, stating: "The time before lighting the candles is the busiest time of the week in the house, and it is cruelty to leave the woman alone. Whoever wants to study and his wife wants and is capable of him learning at this time – he shall be blessed. But to set a schedule for this by no means. Anyone who still wants, let him think in learning..."

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