Paths of Faith: Honoring the Husband is Our Primary Duty

Honoring the husband is our primary duty, and we must invest in it to avoid missing the main purpose of life.<\/p>

A nice parable illustrates this:<\/p>

The mixer was already on the counter, ready to start its first round. Etti checked the product list again: eggs, flour, sugar, and margarine. A wonderful yeast dough was about to rise here!<\/em><\/p>

Hey. Yeast! She slapped her confused forehead. A search in the cupboard and freezer revealed that the yeast was all out. And how could she make fragrant yeast sticks without yeast?<\/em><\/p>

"Chaya'le!" she called urgently to her obedient eldest from across the house. "I urgently need yeast! It's holding up all the dough here! Go sweetie to the grocery store, but quickly..."<\/em><\/p>

Chaya'le loves going to the grocery store, and she happily agrees.<\/em><\/p>

"And while you're going," Etti rummages in the fridge, "I just discovered we're also out of milk, buy eggs too, and... dishwashing liquid. Run!"<\/em><\/p>

And Chaya'le runs, like an obedient and good girl, and returns after an hour and ten minutes, panting, after the uphill on the hot street and the "traffic jam" at the store's checkout, drops the bags on the kitchen table, and collapses herself on the couch.<\/em><\/p>

Mom opens the bags. Takes out three bottles of dishwashing liquid ('three for the price of two – how could I miss?), three bags of milk ('so we don't run out every moment'), a carton of eggs, and the yeast granules – where are they? She asks anxiously.<\/em><\/p>

"I forgot!" now it's Chaya'le's turn to slap her confused forehead...<\/em><\/p>

"Then run back quickly and buy me yeast! Have pity on the dough!" She glances at what was supposed to be yeast dough.<\/em><\/p>

"I'm too tired..." Chaya'le's voice pleads. "But you forgot the main thing. That's why I sent you to the store!"<\/em><\/p>

If we do everything but do not honor the husband – it is as if we have done nothing. Because we did not fulfill the main duty.<\/p>

Honor for the Husband – A Woman's Privilege for Correction<\/strong><\/u><\/h3>

One of the corrections Chava received after the first sin was: "And your desire shall be to your husband, and he shall rule over you" (Genesis 3:16).<\/p>

A woman is born with deficiencies. She cannot complete these by herself but only through her husband. And "Or HaChaim" explains that even the husband cannot entirely fulfill the woman's needs; she will always yearn for him, as the verse states "And your desire shall be to your husband." A good relationship with the husband without forgetting the connection with the Creator and doing Hashem's will will fulfill her greatly. This longing, which sometimes causes a feeling of lack, is also to remind us to include the third partner, Hashem. We should not forget to build a strong relationship with Him too! He is omnipotent and has given us good through the husband. Just as all of Chava's corrections aim to connect her to Hashem, such as the pain in childbirth, etc.<\/p>

The woman needs her husband and cannot fulfill her longing through anyone else. Moreover, if she does not direct this longing to her husband, she will feel very lacking because Hashem ingrained in her the inability to complete her yearning, only through her husband.<\/p>

"Or HaChaim" elaborates that "and he shall rule over you" serves as the woman's correction for the sin: since she wanted to fulfill her desire and lust, her correction is the longing for her husband and doing her husband's will (based on "Or HaChaim" Genesis 3:16), and as we will see later, he will also consider her opinion. Thus, she will correct this and will also live in peace of mind through honoring the husband.<\/p>

Chava's correction is to be subordinate to her husband, not, God forbid, the negation of her personality and that she has no right to speak – absolutely not. A woman must express her feelings but respectfully while giving authority to her husband. The immediate result will be his desire to be good to her, feel her, and draw very close to her. She will be strengthened thanks to the right and healthy connection that developed between them.<\/p>

As Rebbetzin Kanievsky, of blessed memory, said: "It is written in the Torah, so this is the best way and this is how it's done, and only in this way will we earn respect and blessing!"<\/p>

And this is the essence of our work in this world: not to grow over our husbands. It is written in the books that a man whose wife grows over him – his life is not a real life. This point is very sensitive for the husband, and the harm in it – is unbearable.<\/p>

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