Honoring Your Husband: The Key to a Woman’s Fulfillment and Lasting Marriage

One of the rectifications Chava (Eve) received after the first sin was: “Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you” (Genesis 3:16).

A woman is born with certain needs and desires which she cannot complete by herself. The holy Or HaChaim writes that even the husband cannot fully satisfy all of a wife’s needs; she will always retain a yearning for him, as the verse says: “Your desire shall be for your husband.” A strong connection with her husband — without forgetting her connection to the Creator and doing His will, will fill her greatly.

This yearning, which sometimes creates a feeling of lack, is also intended to remind her not to forget the third partner in the marriage — God, who can do all things, and who gives us good through a husband. All of Chava’s rectifications, such as the pain of childbirth, were intended to draw her closer to Hashem.

A woman needs her husband and if she does not direct this yearning toward her husband, she will feel a deep emptiness, because God instilled in her the inability to fulfill this yearning except through him.

The Or HaChaim explains that “and he shall rule over you” serves as the woman’s rectification for her sin: since she sought to fulfill her own will and desire independently, her rectification is to direct her desire toward her husband and to do his will (Or HaChaim, Genesis 3:16). This is of course not one-sided, and he too must take her opinion into account. In this way, she repairs the sin and experiences peace of mind through honoring her husband.

This rectification does not imply that she erase her personality or silence her voice. A wife must express her feelings, but in a respectful manner, while granting her husband authority. The immediate result will be that he will want to do good for her, will feel her needs, and will draw closer to her. She, in turn, will be strengthened through the healthy bond formed between them.

As Rebbetzin Kanievsky, of blessed memory, said: “It’s written in the Torah, so this is the best way, and this is how we act — and only in this way will we merit honor and blessing!”

This, in essence, is our life’s work in this world. It is written that for a man whose wife rules over him, his life is no life. This point is deeply sensitive for a husband, it is therefore necessary to ensure that it is considered.