Self-Love Through Knowledge: Rambam’s Path to True Happiness

To truly love ourselves, we must know ourselves. As Maimonides (the Rambam) teaches in Laws of Repentance, love is not merely an emotion but it can be acquired: 

"It is well known and clear that the love of God cannot be bound in a person’s heart until he constantly thinks about it as is fitting, abandoning everything else for it, as it is written: ‘With all your heart and with all your soul.’ One can only love God through knowledge of Him, and to the degree of knowledge will be the degree of love — whether a little or much. Therefore, one must devote himself to understanding and wisdom that will make him aware of his Creator, as much as human capacity allows." (Rambam, Hilchot Teshuva, ch. 10)

Maimonides is teaching us that love of God is acquired through knowing Him and understanding His ways. Likewise, by knowing and understanding ourselves, we can come to love ourselves.

Knowledge leads to love. The greater the knowledge, the greater the love. For example, someone who knows how to play music loves to play music, and someone who understands the art of commerce enjoys business. A person tends to love what he understands. If we want to cultivate self-love which is the foundation for personal growth and for loving others, we must know ourselves deeply. To the extent of knowledge, so too will be the extent of love.

Isn’t self-love instinctive? Sadly, in our generation this is far from true. Broken homes, bitterness, and depression, all too often stem from the lack of true self-knowledge and self-worth.

Rabbi Tauber explains that most people do not really love themselves because they do not really know themselves. We’ve become accustomed to defining ourselves by external roles: I’m a believer. I’m a student. I’m against this. I’m for that. I’m someone’s sister or daughter. But who am I in essence? That, we rarely know.

Self-knowledge is therefore critical and without it, we lose our life’s direction. Without clarity about who we are and what powers we hold, we cannot fulfill our purpose or achieve genuine joy, because only clear knowledge of oneself brings true happiness.

In practical terms, no one would open a factory without a detailed plan of what it will produce, how it will profit, who will staff it. In every area of life, people act with a clear purpose. How, then, can we live seventy, eighty, or a hundred and twenty years — the very passageway to eternity, without knowing the purpose of our existence? To live without such clarity is to invest in life without thought.

Self-knowledge is what allows us to use our true potential. Without it, our inner powers remain dormant. If someone from centuries ago suddenly comes alive today and sees a smartphone, he would never imagine that this tiny device could connect to the far ends of the world without wires. Only once he is told what it can do can he use it properly. So too, a person who does not know his soul and its vast powers may live his entire life without using them.

It is our duty to know ourselves and to discover the immense spiritual power within us. That results in true self-love which is the foundation of the entire Torah, and which brings true unconditional joy that leads to growth and progress.