How to Rebuild Self-Worth and Heal Emotionally Through Faith and Inner Strength

If you didn’t receive enough appreciation in life, it's important not to get stuck in blame. Rather, we need to take action, to leave the negative cycle, and face the future with hope. It’s always possible to heal! If Heaven placed us in a family that didn’t support us, God will help us and send us the right messengers along the way, and provide us with the strength and opportunities to grow anew. If we truly desire it, and choose life, that very desire will empower us to face life’s trials.

From any starting point, it’s possible to keep going and to grow. It’s worthwhile to invest in building more levels of self-worth, because the soul is infinite.

How can we learn to value ourselves and rebuild our inner world?

1. Find someone who believes in you

We need to find someone positive who sees our good, who values us, who believes in us. Even one such person can help rebuild our inner world.

We can rebuild our lives by investing in the three core circles of spiritual growth, beginning with the inner circle of self-worth. Once we feel good about ourselves, we can naturally expand outward to relationships with others and with God.

Every bit of effort is worth it so that we can function better, grow through challenges, and reach spiritual strength. Even a person who feels like parts of their potential are dormant due to lack of validation should know that there is hope. On the words in the prayer “You are faithful to revive the dead,” the righteous explain that it doesn't only refer to the future resurrection, but to anyone whose inner strengths have been buried alive.

The Talmud tells of Emperor Antoninus who secretly studied with Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi. To stay hidden, he supposedly killed the guards at his palace gate. Rabbi Yehuda said even his lesser students could “revive the dead”, and indeed, one soldier was revived (Avodah Zarah 10b).

Rav Reisman explains: Antoninus didn’t literally kill the guards, but “erased” their dignity until they lost their identity. Erasing someone’s worth is like killing them, because such a person won’t speak up. Rabbi Yehuda showed him that it’s possible to bring someone back to life by restoring their lost honor.

2. Sometimes emotional therapy is necessary

When the wound is deep, emotional therapy may be needed to release the past and refill what is missing inside. It’s worth doing whatever it takes to receive that inner foundation, without which our entire structure remains shaky. Seek out someone trustworthy, both professionally and spiritually, and begin the healing process. Mental health is priceless.

3. Instill in yourself unconditional worth

To value and believe in yourself, you must correct a common and damaging misconception: self-worth is not conditional. You are not only valuable if you accomplish X or behave like Y.

The Sages teach: “A person must say: for me the world was created” (Sanhedrin, ch. 4). Every Jew has infinite value that is not based on achievements or spiritual level.

4. Every Jew is inherently good

Rabbi Gedaliah Schorr writes in Or Gedaliah that if we see something bad in a Jew, we must remember that bad is not their essence — it’s only a concealment of the good. Like someone under a blanket who thinks the room is dark, when you remove the cover, the light is revealed.

Our forefather Yaakov is described as “a smooth man”, meaning the Jewish soul is smooth and pure. Esav, by contrast, is described as “a hairy man” — coarse and easily stained. A Jew remains smooth, because he is a portion of God. Even if he sins, the sin is only external. With teshuvah, all is cleansed.

5. Know that the Jewish soul is immensely powerful

To believe in your power, you must know that every Jew has enormous spiritual strength, beyond imagination. The Talmudic Sages teach: “A person must say: When will my deeds reach those of my ancestors?” Even a “simple Jew” is spiritually connected to our holy forefathers.

The Rambam writes that every person can become righteous like Moshe Rabbeinu (Laws of Teshuvah). This is the untold greatness within every Jewish soul.

6. Discover what makes you unique

The Jewish soul is built for uniqueness. Each person has their own strengths and purpose. Don’t try to be someone else — you were given the exact tools for your unique mission in life. Don’t compare, instead, identify your special strengths and invest in them.

Rav Dessler in Michtav Me’Eliyahu (vol. 2, p. 133) advises: “Every person should find some unique excellence in himself that isn’t found in others. That power is his strongest force.”

7. God believes in you

Every morning we say: “I thank You, living and eternal King, for returning my soul to me in compassion — great is Your faithfulness.”

The righteous explain: Why did You return my soul? Because great is Your faith in me. Every day I wake up is proof that God trusts me. If I opened my eyes today, it means that I still have a mission to fulfill.

8. Speak positively to yourself

You can uplift your soul by speaking positively to yourself, your children, and your spouse. The good within us will begin to come forth. Speak words of affirmation daily. These “positive brainwashings” eventually sink in and change our thinking.

Large corporations spend millions on repeated ads because repetition affects the subconscious. Use this power for good. Praise your children and spouse out loud. Speak your value and theirs. When you can praise yourself, you’ll naturally be able to praise others.

9. Prayer

Pray that God lifts your soul from emotional exile and from feelings of being trapped in sadness or smallness. The sages say that the “birth pangs of Mashiach” may include emotional anguish and confusion. Ask for strength to do your spiritual work, to release yourself and help others shine.