Every Time I Got Angry, I Thought It Was Something I Decided to Ignore

Just as a person who chooses to see the bad will see bad, so a person who chooses to see the good will see good, even where it seems less apparent.

At her "Golden Wedding Anniversary" celebration organized by her descendants, a grandmother revealed the secret to her happy and enduring marriage of fifty years:

"On my wedding day," she recounted, "I resolved to ignore three faults I might find in my husband."

"Would you agree to tell us what those three faults were?" asked one of the grandchildren.

To everyone's surprise, the wise grandmother replied: "Honestly, I never bothered to list them, but every time Grandpa did something that got me angry, I told myself that this must be one of those three faults I promised myself to ignore and not comment on... time and again, I reminded myself that no one is without faults, and after all, he is a good man overall, and nothing justifies breaking the unity and peace in the home we've built."

When a person chooses to focus on the good and positive aspects of others, they pay less attention to the faults, think less about them, and they bother them less. The same applies to what a person experiences – if they choose to see the good outcome of something, they perceive the difficulties less.

One man met a sad man who was about to commit suicide, and asked him: Why are you about to do such a drastic act? He replied that he had no joy in life, no wife, no children, nothing bringing him happiness. The man asked: If you were blind and decided to jump, and suddenly your eyes opened and you could see, what would happen? The man answered: Obviously, I wouldn't commit suicide. The first man then said: In that case, what's the difference?...

Only those who lack truly appreciate the good; only the deaf appreciate the ability to hear, and only the sick realize how good it is to be healthy. We should learn to value the good within us before the lack reminds us of it.

Focusing on the Good Eases Difficulty

Focusing on the good greatly helps in coping with challenges as it reduces suffering and sorrow. When a person is concentrated on the good in life, everything becomes easier. A person who successfully focuses on the good experiences well-being without being dependent on life circumstances. When the focus is on the good within a challenge, it becomes easier to handle.

Focusing on the Good Brings More Good

Focusing on the good even during trials can lessen the difficulty of the trial. A person who thinks negatively may attract more negativity, as our sages said (Moed Katan 27, b): "Whoever follows sorrow, sorrow follows him." A person who chooses to focus on sorrow and difficulties brings more sorrow upon themselves. In contrast, focusing on the good attracts more good.

When a person tells Hashem that they are suffering, Hashem asks: "This is suffering? I will show you what true suffering is." When a person tells Hashem that they are happy, Hashem tells them: "This is good? I will show you what true goodness is!..."

It is told of the rabbi of Ruzhin's daughter, who sighed, and the rabbi warned her to avoid sighing, saying: A sigh brings another sigh, gratitude brings gratitude. He told her a story about a rich man who lost his wealth gradually until he had to beg for alms. The rich man sighed about his lowly state. When this was heard in heaven, it was said to him: "Is it bad for you? We'll show you what bad really is!" and the former rich man became leprous, having to beg at doors while people feared contagion. The man sighed again, and heaven gave him a digestive disease. Then, at his lowest and hardest time, he came to his senses and began to thank for being alive despite the hardship, and in response, heaven said: "Is it good for you? We'll show you what good really is!" He was cured of the disease, thanked Hashem greatly for the healing, and was also cured of leprosy. He thanked again for everything, and suddenly a good friend remembered him and agreed to lend him money to try to restart, he got into trade and became wealthy again.

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