The Secret to Joy, Resilience, and Lasting Peace

Just as a person who chooses to see the bad will find bad, a person who chooses to see the good will also find good, even in situations that seem less than ideal.

At her golden wedding anniversary celebration, surrounded by children and grandchildren, a grandmother revealed the secret to her fifty years of happy marriage: "On my wedding day," she said, "I decided I would overlook three flaws in my husband."

One curious grandchild asked, "Would you be willing to tell us what those three flaws were?"

To everyone’s surprise, the wise grandmother replied, "Truthfully, I never bothered to write them down. But whenever Grandpa did something that upset me, I told myself, ‘This must be one of those three flaws I promised to ignore.’ Again and again, I reminded myself that no one is without shortcomings, that he is a good man overall, and nothing is worth disturbing the unity and peace of the home we built together."

When we choose to focus on the good and positive in others, we notice their flaws less, we think about them less, and they bother us less. The same applies to life’s events — if we focus on the good that can come from them, the difficulties feel lighter.

One day, a man met someone deeply depressed, ready to take his own life. He asked, "Why are you about to do something so drastic?" The man replied, "I have no joy in life — no wife, no children, nothing good." The first man asked, "If you were blind and about to jump, and suddenly your sight was restored, what would happen?" The man answered, "Of course, I wouldn’t kill myself!" To which the first man said, "Then what’s the difference?"

Only someone who has lost something truly understands its value. Only the deaf appreciate the gift of hearing and only the sick understand the blessing of health. We must train ourselves to appreciate what we have before loss teaches us the lesson.

Focusing on the Good Lightens the Burden

Choosing to see the good makes facing life’s trials easier because it reduces suffering and sorrow. When a person is tuned in to the positive, life feels lighter. Even in the midst of challenges, focusing on the good helps us cope with more strength and calm.

Focusing on the Good Attracts More Good

The Talmudic Sages taught (Moed Katan 27b): "Whoever follows after sorrow, sorrow will follow after him." Dwelling on negativity invites more of it, while focusing on the good invites more blessings into our lives.

If a person tells God, "My life is bad," God might answer, "You think this is bad? Let me show you what ‘bad’ really means." If however a person says, "My life is good," God responds, "You think this is good? Let Me show you what ‘good’ really is!"

The story is told of the daughter of the Rebbe of Ruzhin, who sighed one day. The Rebbe cautioned her against sighing, saying: "A sigh brings another sigh; gratitude brings more to be grateful for."

He shared the tale of a wealthy man who lost his fortune and had to beg for food. One day, he sighed over his pitiful state. In Heaven, they said, "You think this is bad? We’ll show you worse." He was struck with leprosy, and people refused to even open their doors to him. He sighed again, and they gave him a severe digestive illness.

Finally, in his suffering, he began to thank God for simply being alive despite his pain. In Heaven, they said, "You think this is good? We’ll show you what good really is!" and he was healed from the digestive illness. He thanked God for his recovery, and soon was healed from the leprosy as well.

Again he expressed gratitude, and suddenly an old friend remembered him and offered him a loan to restart his life. He returned to business, prospered once more, and became wealthy again.