The Hidden Power of a Mother's Thoughts: Transforming Your Family from Within

How careful we, the women and mothers of Israel, must be with our thoughts, about ourselves, our husbands, our children, and our homes. A mother is the heart of the home, and her thoughts carry immense power. Through them, she can build her household and herself, or, God forbid, the opposite. If she thinks positively about her husband, he will have the space to grow and thrive, whereas if she thinks, “What could ever come of him?”, that thought becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. The same is true for her children and even in the way she views herself.

Our thoughts have a significant impact on peace in the home. I once heard of a woman who had become so distant from her husband that they hadn’t spoken in fifteen years. She came to a Rebbetzin for advice and the Rebbetzin suggested she look again at her engagement and wedding photos. As she sat flipping through the albums, her original love and appreciation for her husband began to stir within her. She recalled the goodness she once saw in him and realized how little she had valued it. Perhaps, she thought, because he was quiet and more sensitive, he withdrew into himself, and that’s how the disconnect happened. With these thoughts, she returned home. Before she could say a word, her husband turned to her and asked if she had eaten. When she said no, they sat down and had breakfast together, for the first time in fifteen years. That moment was the beginning of a change. With guidance and effort from both of them, their relationship improved, and the Divine Presence returned to their home.

We can also influence our children positively through thought. A mother who thinks good thoughts about her children will instill in them belief in themselves and a desire to grow and follow a good path. The love she radiates will lead them to return that love and be open to her guidance.

A mother who believes in her children and thinks positively about them will help them succeed, with God’s help. A mother who believes in her sons’ abilities — in their learning and in their character, will help bring those qualities out into the open.

The Talmudic Sages tell us that before the prophet Samuel was born, a heavenly voice announced that a righteous child named Shmuel would be born and would become a prophet. All the mothers of that generation who heard the voice yearned for such a great child and gave their sons the name Shmuel. Ultimately, only Chana gave birth to the actual Samuel the Prophet, but many of those other boys also merited prophecy. The thoughts of those mothers, believing their children could be prophets, elevated their souls and made them worthy of such greatness.

A woman whose son had strayed from the path once shared her story with a friend. Her friend assumed she must be broken or angry at her son, but to her surprise, she saw that this wasn’t the case. She asked, “How can you still be so happy despite this difficult test with your son?” The righteous woman answered, “It says that when someone repents out of love, his intentional sins are transformed into merits. I’m sure my son will return in repentance, and I imagine all the merits he’ll then have. All his serious sins will become merits! He’ll have a level of merit that he never could have reached had he never gone astray.” Time passed, and indeed, her son returned to Torah and became a highly respected scholar. There is no doubt that his mother’s positive thoughts played a great role in his transformation.

When we think positively about a child, we help them grow and succeed. This is supported by a well-known study: a teacher was told that certain girls in her class — marked with stars next to their names, had high potential. This wasn’t actually true as the girls were selected at random. However, the teacher adjusted her expectations accordingly, and by the end of the year, those girls, who had previously been underachievers, made a significant leap in performance and showed impressive academic progress. The faith in them paid off.

To foster positive thoughts about our husbands and children, it’s helpful to write down their positive traits. Every day, we can add more to the list as we notice new things. Our focus on their goodness will prove to be immensely powerful.