Happiness Depends on Perspective, Not Objective Reality

The author of Chiddushei HaRim zt"l lost, heaven forbid, thirteen children. When he returned from the funeral of his last son and sat shiva, there was no visible sadness on him, as if he hadn't returned from such a shocking funeral. His wife asked him: How can you do it? He answered her: The bag of troubles Hashem gives, but the emotional anguish, a person takes on their own. I do not diminish at all the difficulty of such a great trial, yet here we have a tangible example of how the correct view of trials can ease the confrontation.

It is possible to turn trouble into a wish. We should strive to remember and experience that everything is from Him—we need to remember that life's song is composed of ups and downs. A song cannot be of a single tone. The notes rise and fall—so is the song of the soul.

It is said that in a Jewish town in Vilna, there was once a lad named Zelig who was a cobbler, a poor and kind man satisfied with what he had. One day, he received a large inheritance and became a millionaire overnight. Despite this, he did not lose his humility. He had an only daughter and longed to marry her to a Torah scholar. Thanks to his wealth, he married her to the rabbi's son. What a happy day for him! Then, while leading her to the chuppah, filled with joy, a man from the village's wealthy approached him, his sudden wealth was bothersome to him. He took off his shoe, waved it in the air, and mockingly asked: Zelig, how much to fix the shoe?... The man was so ashamed, he fainted, hit his head, and died on the spot.

Following this incident, Rabbi Yisrael Salanter founded the mussar movement to inform people of the severity of not rectifying character traits. Although the goal was for people to be careful not to harm others, the intention was also that people should not be so affected when insulted to the point of losing their composure.

Even if it hurts and is difficult—let us not fall. Let us be like oil that floats above water. Let us strive to rise above the difficulties and seek what Hashem demands from me in this trial, what I need to correct, and not add sorrow upon sorrow, nor distress the environment that is not to blame for our suffering.

Let us walk in the ways of the righteous who, even when things are hard, rise and strengthen. In two verses in the Tanach, the words "on the bed" appear: about Yaakov Avinu it is said "Israel strengthened himself and sat on the bed" (Genesis 48:2), and about Haman: "Haman fell on the bed" (Esther 7:8). The Ba'al HaTurim says: These verses teach us the difference between the righteous and the wicked. The righteous, even in their old age and weakness, show resilience and sit on the bed. But the wicked, even in their strength and vigor, fall—Haman fell on the bed.

The World is a Place of Work and Challenges

To confront suffering, we must first understand that everything depends on our perspective on the world and suffering. When examining how individuals handle suffering, we find that they fall into two categories: A. The Hotel Resident, B. The Training System Member.

The Hotel Resident is in the world merely for leisure and enjoyment, aiming to enjoy the eighty years of life while forgetting his purpose in the world. To him, any difficulty is redundant; he believes everything is owed to him, he dictates everything, thinks solely of himself, and everyone around him must serve and assist him to derive maximum enjoyment from this world. Everything must run according to his will, as if he manages the world.

For the Hotel Resident, suffering and difficulties are the antithesis of his existence. He is not ready to accept them because they undermine his worldview that everything should serve him for enjoyment. Generally, he is calm and not upset, but this is only when everything is fine. The moment something happens (and many things occur in this world...) he loses his temper and might require psychiatric care. When his opinion is not sought, it's a risk... His graph is in constant decline. This is an unavoidable result of his behavior and erroneous view.

In contrast, the Training System Member is an idealist who has not come to spend time but to advance. He is prepared to endure difficulties and suffering because he is in this world as preparation for something else: eternal life in the world to come. He views suffering correctly, seeing difficulties as a primary tool for advancement, an opportunity to work on oneself, as training for the main life in the world to come.

The Training System Member loves challenges; his graph is always on an uninterrupted upward trend, the righteous falls seven times and rises. His greatest pleasure is the challenge; he is ever-changing, works on himself, stands up to the challenges and trials that Hashem sends his way with perfect precision. He is like a soldier in training. In every army worldwide, soldiers face extremely difficult tasks, and not only do they stand up to them knowing this is the aim—to test and train them for battle—they are eager to undergo as many drills as possible to earn a place in a special unit.

In a similar matter, I heard a pleasant parable: A young man arrives at the recruitment base to join the army. He selects an elite unit, and senior commanders ask him: "Do you know what our unit requires?" He answers: "No, I do not know, but I want to." The commanders say: "You will undergo severe tortures," and he agrees. "You will need to lift very heavy loads," he agrees happily. They continue: "You will need to walk kilometers for hours without taking anything but some water; unfortunately, some have died on the way. You will need to navigate yourself alone at sea with a compass and reach safety." And he agrees. The more they list challenging tasks, the happier he is because he understands he will be accepted into a particularly elite unit.

Military exercises are tough. A member of the naval commando related how, during the month of Tevet, in freezing cold, he was outside with thin clothing while the commander in a thick coat told him "Jump into the water!" He jumped, lost heartbeat from the cold, and had to swim a kilometer. The commander monitored if he indeed swam through the thread of light marking his path. Additionally, he had to stay in the water for six hours without moving. When asked if he truly endured this difficult exercise, he answered in wonder: Of course, do you know what it's like to be in the naval commando?!

For missions involving life risk - such as landing in enemy territory and destroying terrorist headquarters - soldiers wish to be selected and even compete for it. The harder and riskier it is, they see it as a greater challenge.

Former Air Force pilot related that he was once sent on a certain mission and failed; as punishment, he was no longer sent on operational missions but sat in command and directed the aircraft. He said this inability to face difficult challenges and advance was his greatest punishment, causing him a nervous breakdown. Unable to remain in that state, he left the army.

In one of the secret agencies in the U.S., it is customary that before accepting someone for service, he undergoes various reliability tests. Then, in the middle of the night, they abduct him without him knowing who his captors are, place him in a warehouse, and torture him trying to extract secrets about different secret services. If he passes the test successfully, they reveal to him the reason for the tortures and inform him that he has been accepted into the agency.

Initially, that person is in profound sorrow due to the tortures he undergoes, but when he learns that thanks to them he secured the desired role, he rejoices. Undoubtedly, he would agree to even more suffering if required.

The suffering and adversities in our lives are challenges; they elevate us, uplift our souls to heights, widen our spiritual and mental horizons, enhance and grow our personalities. Thanks to them, we are accepted into the chosen unit in Hashem's army. Do we know what it means to be in Hashem's select commando? "Among My close ones, I will be sanctified"—Hashem chooses to sanctify His name in the world through those who are close to Him and most beloved to Him.

The Training System Member seeks challenges. The main aim is to increase the honor of Heaven, to benefit ourselves and the entire world, to build our spiritual lives in the world to come, and to earn immense and eternal reward. It is not always easy to undergo trials, yet once we view trials as challenges that propel us forward, the difficulty will reduce.

This is the perspective of the Training System Member, with this view the challenges are desirable because only through training will we rise, succeed in overcoming, and achieve perfection. If we see difficulties as obstructions, we resemble the distinguished American donor who donated money for building a training course for soldiers. After they completed the course and invited her to the ceremony, she saw that the terrain was not even and full of gravel. She commented with concern: oh, the course is so uncomfortable! If needed, I will donate more money to level the course for our dear soldiers! The attendees, of course, suppressed their laughter, for a training course requires uneven and uncomfortable land; only thanks to the difficulties can they win in battle.

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