Why Men Should Bless "Who Has Made Me According to His Will" and Not "Blessed Who Made Me a Man"

Benny asks:

"Hello and blessings, I am becoming more religious, and I have a friend who also wants to become more observant, but he struggles with saying the morning blessing 'Blessed Who Has Not Made Me a Woman' because he believes it harms the status of women. He asked me why men are not required to say 'Blessed Who Made Me a Man' instead. I would appreciate a clear answer to give him. Thank you in advance."

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Hello and blessings Benny, and thank you for your question. Kudos on your journey, and with Hashem's help, your friend will also succeed in his path. First and foremost, we must remember that the Torah's ways are pleasant, and all its paths are peaceful. The Torah has always been very considerate of the status of women, especially evident in ancient times when women had no rights. In Judaism, women choose whether to agree to marry, and they have more rights than husbands (like the ketubah and alimony). If a man does not fulfill these, he may be compelled to divorce and pay by a rabbinical court. Furthermore, a man is commanded to care for his wife and love her more than his own body, as our sages said: "Love her as yourself and respect her more than yourself" (Yevamot, page 62), which is also codified in Jewish law. Thus, the man is commanded to respect his wife, love her, and care for her more than himself - such laws were unheard of in the ancient world! We can see to this day that women whose husbands observe Torah and mitzvot are happier and receive more respectful treatment from their husbands due to the guidance of the Torah. From these facts, your friend should recognize and be assured that there is nothing in Judaism intended to harm or disrespect women, heaven forbid.

Now to your question, why is the blessing phrased such that men say 'Blessed... Who Has Not Made Me a Woman'? There are two answers:

1. It Is Harder for a Woman Than a Man.

Logically speaking, it is understandably more physically challenging for a woman than a man: a woman must endure pregnancy, which lasts nine months, and the difficult labor pains, all to bring children into the world. These sufferings are very hard for her, and we appreciate her for it. We bless Hashem for sparing us from this great difficulty, hence the blessing 'Who Has Not Made Me a Woman'. Of course, a woman cannot bless with this wording, as she accepts this decree with love and thus blesses 'Blessed Who Has Made Me According to His Will'.

2. Women Are Exempt from Time-Bound Commandments.

Jewish sages have explained that a man needs more commandments than a woman because he needs to rectify more in his soul than she does. In other words, a woman is more spiritually refined by nature and closer to Hashem naturally, so she does not need to fulfill commandments like wearing tefillin and tzitzit to draw near to Hashem. Therefore, it is not fitting for a woman to say 'Blessed Who Made Me a Woman' as it would imply she received fewer commandments from Hashem, which is not appropriate to bless.

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This explanation also answers your friend's question about why men aren’t blessing 'Blessed Who Made Me a Man', as it is like a servant saying to his king, 'Thank you for making me a servant' – such a statement contains a negative connotation highlighting a spiritual deficiency that needs to be filled.

Moreover, the phrase 'Blessed Who Made Me a Man' does not express any regard for the commandments from the man's perspective and would not convey any statement about the man's desire for the Torah's burden and the commandments designated for him. Therefore, the man must bless in the negative form, 'Who Has Not Made Me a Woman', to emphasize his gratitude that Hashem commanded him with additional mitzvot as a man. Evidence for this is found in the structured order of the morning blessings: a man first blesses 'Who Has Not Made Me a Gentile' because a gentile is exempt from all commandments except for the seven Noahide laws; then 'Who Has Not Made Me a Slave', because a slave is exempt from most commandments; and finally, 'Who Has Not Made Me a Woman', because a woman is exempt from time-bound commandments (such as tefillin and tzitzit, for example). Since the text of the blessings deals with commandments, it is presented in a structured, negative form. However, in reality, all three blessings deal with one topic, which is the multitude of commandments for which the man gives thanks. Therefore, the woman also blesses for not being a gentile or a maidservant.

Nevertheless, you can additionally tell your friend that the main intent is what is in his heart during the blessing. Since the Jewish People do indeed highly value their women and intend with this blessing to thank for the Torah's burden they received as men, this is the real meaning of the blessing. He can recite the blessing wholeheartedly, knowing fully well that there is no intention of disrespecting women. Disrespect would exist only if he himself thought in his heart that this blessing expresses superiority over women, which is a misunderstanding of Judaism's perspective. Judaism teaches us that a man and woman essentially complete each other, and only together are they called 'Adam'.