The Path to Joy – "I Deserve Nothing"

This is the starting point every Jew should feel and understand, and this is truly the advice from the Ethics of the Fathers (4:1), "Who is rich? He who rejoices in his lot." To understand this well, let's imagine in our hearts what would happen if we managed to go to a prison and release a life-sentenced prisoner, bringing him to sit next to us at this moment. There is no doubt he would be endlessly joyful and happy because he had accepted the thought that he did not deserve freedom, and when he received it, his joy soared.

In exactly the same manner, if we were to go to a hospital and, with the explicit name of Hashem, manage to heal someone disabled in both legs and bring him to our home, no doubt tears of joy would stream down his face. This is also because he had come to terms with the reality of not walking on his legs, and when he received such an unimaginable gift, the satisfaction and happiness overwhelmed him.

If we ask what the difference is between the prisoner and the sick person sitting next to us in exactly the same state we are in now. They are joyful and happy, whereas we, who are blessed with freedom all the time to do as we please, and have walked on two legs since childhood, are not particularly joyful about these great gifts.

There are two reasons for this:

First reason - We have already become accustomed to these gifts, and the excitement they once brought us has ceased, while for the two mentioned above, the gift is new, and thus their excitement is great.

Second reason - We feel we deserve the freedom to do as we please, and we deserve functioning legs, so it is obvious to us and does not particularly make us happy.

Similarly, a worker who receives his salary at the end of the month does not feel the need to thank for it because he worked all month for it and believes it is due him, and when he returns home, he is not particularly happy. Compared to the poor man who comes after him to the employer to ask for charity and receives the same amount as the worker but as charity, of course, he will not stop thanking the giver of the charity with all his heart and will return home happy and content.

We come from the assumption that we deserve -

Health - we deserve it... Livelihood - we deserve it... A spouse - we deserve it... Children - we deserve it... A home, a suitable car, and more... of course, we deserve it...

And the list of "I deserve" goes on and on.

However -

Rejoices in His Lot

If we stop and truly reflect on what we have done to deserve all this, and in addition, how much we have erred in our actions throughout our existence, only through Hashem's great love and his immense mercy does he give us beyond what is right, just like the poor man who received a fair amount, the sick man healed miraculously, and the prisoner released from jail. That is exactly how we receive gifts of life, health, livelihood, children, marriages, a home, etc. If we truly feel that all we have is a gift, we will undoubtedly be happy.

This negative thought "I deserve" stems from arrogance. Therefore, I introduced the chapters on humility before the chapter on joy, because as long as arrogance dwells in our hearts and we always think we deserve respect, money, and other things, it will be very difficult for us to achieve the satisfaction and joy we desire.

The Vilna Gaon compares this world and its desires to a thirsty person who drinks salty water, and the more he drinks, the thirstier he becomes. The more our passions for money, power, honor, and pleasures increase, the greater the feeling of lack inside us. As the sages said, "A person dies with half his desires fulfilled" (Kohelet Rabbah 3:13).

Maimonides in his book Guide for the Perplexed (Part 3, Chapter 12) presents a question many of us ask: After all, most of a person's life is filled with obstacles and difficulties, and the good is little and insignificant in comparison. Our intention is to say that most of the day, a person works to have food, drink, and shelter, and in the little time left, he is too tired to enjoy it, and even during free time, he is preoccupied with different thoughts.

If so, what is the secret to happiness?

To this, Maimonides responds that there are three types of evils in the world. The first, things that depend on the natural order set by the Creator, such as earthquakes, lightning, storms, and such, which happen very rarely. The second type is the evils people inflict on each other, such as theft, robbery, murder, and wars, and this type is also rare. The third type, and the most prevalent, which causes human outcry, are the evils that humans impose on themselves, and this is due to negative traits.

That is, the lust for various things - the lust for food, lust for women, lust for honor, lust for money. And the greater their lust, their soul craves more and more, and thus they constantly feel lacking.

The solutions to the three evils that befall humans are:

For the first, which affects people through natural ways like earthquakes, lightning, storms, and their kind, one should trust his Creator to protect him from them, and the one who trusts in Hashem will be surrounded by grace.

Similarly, concerning the second evil, the harm done by others, one should cast his burden on Hashem and remove worry from his heart. If, heaven forbid, such evil befalls him, like being robbed or having his honor harmed, he should know no person can harm him without the decree of Hashem, as King David said after Shimei son of Gera cursed him (2 Samuel 16:10) "Hashem told him to curse," and if he accepts it with love as Hashem's decree, then the Holy One, blessed be He, will return him his money and honor twofold.

Regarding the third evil, Maimonides writes, the wise have set their aim only to achieve what is necessary for their sustenance to serve their Creator, just as our father Jacob, peace be upon him, said in his prayer (Genesis 28:20), "Give me food to eat and clothes to wear," with no luxuries, this can be achieved without much toil, and if we do so, we will be happy in this world and the next.

Surely you will ask how it is possible to nullify the desire for money, honor, and other things? It seems stronger than us!

The answer is: "Everything depends on our thoughts and aspirations."

Let's give an example, if from time to time you imagine your life after winning the lottery, imagining a private and spacious house with a swimming pool and green lawns around it, a luxury car waiting for you in your private parking, gourmet food served on your table, and continue imagining yourself in luxury clothing stores fulfilling your dream of being dressed in luxury...

Know this, dear dreamers, as long as you do not fulfill all the dreams you have imagined, you will not be happy! This is because of the lack you will feel when waking up in the three-room apartment from the dream. This lack of satisfaction will be felt when you get into your old car, and in all aspects of your life, everything will seem uninteresting.

If we just reflect upon these dreams, we find that these dreamers brought upon themselves the feeling of dissatisfaction, and if they manage to stop imagining unnecessary dreams, and instead, seek in their apartment the good traits it has, and similarly, if they seek the good traits in their partners or children, and when they enter their car, they look for a bicyclist on the road and compare their car to the bicycle, suddenly they will realize how good it is that Hashem blessed them with a car that doesn't need to be pushed to move.

Someone who dreams of becoming famous for honor, or believes he deserves honor for his good deeds, or great wisdom, is also in for disappointment, and why? Because certainly there will be times when he will not receive the honor he expected, and as likely, there will be times he may even be humiliated. Hence, "A person's dreams cause his disappointment."

"He who loves money will not be satisfied with money" (Ecclesiastes 5:9), the same applies to all worldly desires, therefore the solution is to repeatedly remind oneself not to need honor, honor is like a drug, it brings pleasure, but its lack causes great pain. To remind oneself again and again, there is no need for unnecessary money, only what is needed to live comfortably, and money is merely a means to serve our Creator. The same goes for compliments, they are nice to hear, but one must not expect them, for if we allow ourselves to be addicted to them, we will miss them greatly when they do not come.

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