How Can I Overcome the Loss of a Beloved Dog?

Moran asks: "First, I'd like to thank you for your answers. I have a complex and sensitive question. As we know, the most common pet humans raise and grow attached to is the dog, which is known for its heart. A person who raises a dog for years becomes very attached, feeling the dog's love, sometimes even more than from other people... Therefore, it is difficult for me to ask: how should I overcome the loss of a dog, knowing how much it loved me, and now it's gone? And second, why don't animals have continuity in the afterlife like humans? Thank you in advance."

* * *

Hello and blessings Moran, and thank you for your question. I'm glad you enjoy the answers.

I'm sorry for your sorrow, but please note that the sadness you experienced carries an important lesson for your soul, reminding you that everything in this world is temporary and perishable, hence the importance of investing in eternal values.

In terms of overcoming such a loss, time is often the best healer. Any creature or object that a person bonds with over time, which creates enjoyable memories, will leave a sense of loss when gone, primarily because one becomes accustomed to its presence and now feels its absence. Therefore, only time can cure the sense of lack you're feeling, but investing in new experiences and activities to create new memories can also help.

However, it's important to recognize that your emotional attachment was based to a considerable degree on the common illusion of anthropomorphism. You might feel somewhere in your heart as if you've lost a dear person, not just a pet. This is an illusion that unnecessarily burdens your heart.

When we look at a dog or a cat and try to understand how they feel and perceive the world, we naturally imagine ourselves in their four-legged form, with their movements and actions, because it's the only experience we know as humans, and we have no other indicator to describe their inner world.

People struggle to understand that in the minds of animals, there operates a system different from ours, lacking awareness and free choice. Concepts like "compassion" or "cruelty" don't exist in animals; they act as the Creator guided them to act, feeling as Hashem instructed them to feel.

Animals are beings that operate according to the laws of nature without real awareness of their lives or choice in actions. In essence, they are not distinct from the surrounding world. They are part of nature, not separate from it.

A zebra being hunted by a lion does not ask itself "why are there predatory lions" or "why is this happening to me". Free thought doesn't exist in its mind. It lives according to a set plan and is hunted exactly as it grazed moments before. It feels pain but does not reflect on the pain. Since it has no choice and self-thought— it is essentially an integral part of the nature around it.

Therefore, animals do not think and feel as humans do.

It's a scientific fact that all animals in nature operate based on instincts (-innate traits). This is why a cat will never be loyal and protect its owner like a dog, whereas a dog won't cover its needs like a cat. These traits were instilled in them from their creation, and they have no choice to act otherwise.

These instincts determine all their behavior and way of life from their birth until their death. Ants weren't taught in school how to walk in a queue or defend the queen. From the moment of hatching, every ant knows its role, how to build the nest, or protect the queen, or care for eggs, or gather food for winter. Ants act without self-thought.

Experiments have shown that migratory birds can fly to distant Finland, despite not having learned to fly, and even when their eyes are closed. In other words, within the brain of birds, there's an automatic map and navigation capability!

Salmon fish swim upstream to lay their eggs and die there. They fulfill their role from hatching until their death automatically, without thought or fear of death.

Thus, the Creator made nature with innate laws, a mechanism manifesting even in the love and loyalty of various animals.

For example, a cat shows enormous concern for her kittens, can go hungry to feed them, and even sacrifice her life for them. But did you know that less than five months after the kittens grow, the cat loses all interest in them and might even fight them over food? The cat "automatically" loves her kittens at certain times and "automatically" stops loving them at other times. She can even mate with her grown kittens to increase the survival chances of stray cats in nature.

From this, you can understand that even when a dog "loves" you, it doesn't truly choose to love you, nor does it decide how much love to give. It's programmed to love in a fixed way as determined by the blessed Creator. Since these traits are already embedded in its DNA, it would love any owner who would care for and feed it like you. Its love depends on its nature, not choice. That's why animals can be trained— because they lack free will.

Scientifically, the instincts of a dog come from the shared pack life of wolves and dogs in nature. All dogs obey and protect a strong alpha-male that leads and guides them and also decides how much food they will get. Dogs in a pack do not approach food they find until an alpha-male permits them.

You may have encountered the opposite phenomenon when trying to approach your dog's food bowl or put your hand into its kennel. Dogs may growl, bark, or even attack their owners during their meal or while hiding, due to their natural instinct to defend food and private territory. Dogs spoiled and given too much freedom will not fulfill the owner's will because they don't recognize them as an alpha-male. Only through training can a dog recognize the owner's authority, then obey it according to pack instinct in nature, without barking at it.

People say a dog is man's best friend, but the truth is, dogs by nature do not love humans. This is why even a trained dog barks at strangers approaching its owner's home because its nature is to defend territory. It loves its owner and "pack members" (- namely: family members and close friends), but does not love humans in general.

You've thought about how the dog loved you more than other people, but that's an anthropomorphism created in your imagination. Your dog's behavior of warmth, loyalty, and joy from your presence is similar to how humans behave when they love each other. But the dog did this from instinct, not from genuine human-like love towards you.

We, humans, choose how much to love or withhold our love, and how much to sacrifice for our love of others. A man can choose to love his wife and sacrifice for her, even in times of emotional weakness; a couple has the power to nurture their love and maintain it through actions, compliments, and lots of compromise. A mother can love her child and strive for him even when she's very angry with him. A person can be loyal to a friend or betray them.

Love is a mighty force accessible to each of us for good or bad, and we control it. We can decide to alienate ourselves from others or choose to love and help them. This is why the Torah commands us with commandments like "Do not hate your brother in your heart... Do not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your people. Love your neighbor as yourself, I am Hashem" (Leviticus 19:17-18).

Because these concepts depend on us, and we govern our actions. Naturally, animals cannot be commanded with mitzvot, as their love and hatred depend on a fixed nature, without the ability to distinguish between good and evil and change their behavior.

Only a person can love his enemy, overcome his traits, and thereby enhance love and unity within the people of Israel. Therefore, human love will always be greater than an animal's love because while an animal's love is external and dependent on its automatic nature, human love depends on will and power to give or take. A human can give genuine benevolence due to awareness and the choice whether to give, whereas a dog resembles any object in the reality, whose giving or harm comes automatically.

Of course, these insights don't erase your sorrow, but they can help put these experiences in their proper context.

In the next article, we will, with God's help, delve into your second question, why animals have no share in the afterlife.