Rabbi Yigal Cohen – Who Is the Greatest Enemy of Joy?

When I was single and living in the yeshiva dormitory under not-so-comfortable conditions, I told myself: "Surely, after I marry and have a place of my own, I will be happy."

A few months after the wedding, once I got used to the new situation, the excitement faded, and I didn't feel particularly satisfied. I told myself: "If Hashem blesses me with children, this happiness will surely stay with me forever."

And lo and behold! - That excitement also faded away.

Then I thought to myself: 'If I have my own car to go wherever I wish, then I will surely be happy.'

Yet I discovered that even the car did not make me happy.

After my car broke down all over our sacred land, I thought that a newer, more comfortable car would certainly give me special satisfaction.

And lo and behold! - That didn’t help either.

I thought that if I passed the rabbinical exams successfully, there would be no one happier than me.

Yet, that excitement passed after about a month.

So, I told myself, the dayan exams will surely do the job and make me happy.

But even after those, exactly two months later, the excitement disappeared.

Then I said to myself: "It's probably because we're living in a small rented apartment, and if only Hashem allows us to buy a spacious home, this chase after happiness will surely end."

And lo and behold - I quickly got used to that too. 

And thus, I continued my quest for happiness - - -

Until today, I was fortunate to realize that happiness is within my heart. If I pause and reflect on the countless gifts I have received for free from the Creator of the world, I will understand that what I have now is the best for me in the world.

The health that Hashem has given me to this day should fill me with happiness. Similarly, the ability to read and write is not to be taken for granted and is a gift. My eyes that can see and help me write this book are a great gift from Hashem, and I realized that if I pass over every detail, even the smallest of what I have now, then the longed-for happiness will finally enter my heart.

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In "Chovot HaLevavot" (Gate of Examination), it is explained through an allegory why we do not appreciate the thousands of gifts we have at all times.

It's like a baby found by a pious man in the desert, who had compassion and brought him into his home, raised him as his own son, fed him, clothed him, and gave him shelter until he grew up and became a man. Again, the righteous person heard about a prisoner imprisoned and tortured harshly, felt compassion, redeemed him from prison, took him into his home, fed him, clothed him, and paid a doctor to heal him from all his ailments.

If we examine, we find that the freed prisoner will continuously thank and not stop praising the kind person for the great goodness he did with him. In contrast, the child, who grew up in his home, has already become accustomed to the great kindness done with him and is no longer excited by the righteous person’s deeds. This is because the beginning of his salvation was when he lacked the wisdom to understand the greatness of the rescue, and when he attained this wisdom, the habit took over, and he no longer appreciates the great deeds done with him. But the prisoner received his rescue at a time when the wisdom was already within him, and he knows how to be thrilled with the great kindness done with him, and the analogy is very clear.

Desire

One of the greatest enemies of joy and happiness is human desire.

The Tanna in Avot (4:1) teaches us, "Who is rich? He who is happy with his lot." This saying, if etched into our hearts all the time, will certainly make us endlessly happy, and it may be worthwhile for a Jew who feels sadness in his heart to hang signs everywhere, such as on the door of his house, his old refrigerator, the mirror in his car, and even on the kippah on his child's head, and maybe even on his wife’s head covering: "Who is rich? He who is happy with his lot."

And then, every time he enters his house, he will remember that there are people without a roof over their heads or who live in much worse apartments, and he will feel happy and content with the home Hashem has given him.

Similarly, when he sees the sign on the refrigerator, he will remember that his great-grandfather had a refrigerator cooled by a block of ice that needed to be renewed every few days, and he will feel fortunate for the modern fridge he has been granted.

And when he looks at himself in the mirror and finds a large blemish in the center of his forehead, when he sees the sign, he will thank Hashem that he received only one blemish and not more.

Thus, when he enters his car and sees the sign, he will remember his righteous grandfather, who rode his old bike to work through winter and summer alike, and will immediately kiss upwards and thank the Creator of the world for the great comfort he has been granted.

And when he comes home and finds his children chaotic and sees the kippah, he will say thank you for having children at all.

Finally, when he meets his wife, finding her tired and stressed, full of complaints, he will see the writing on her head covering and feel lucky he has a wife willing to live with him, raise his children, and even love him. If she wants to share what happened during her day, it must be that he is important to her.

The book 'You Light Up My Life' can be found in selected bookstores and on Hidabroot Shops