The Endless Chase for Happiness – And the Simple Truth That Ends It

When I was single and living in the yeshiva dormitory under less-than-comfortable conditions, I told myself: “Surely, after I get married and have my own apartment, I’ll be happy.”

A few months after the wedding, I got used to the new situation. The excitement faded, and I didn’t feel particularly fulfilled. So I thought: “If God blesses me with children, that joy will surely stay with me forever.”

But to my surprise, this excitement also faded. Then I told myself: “If I have my own car and can drive anywhere I want, then I’ll finally be happy.” However, even the car didn’t make me truly happy.

When the car began to break down in different parts of the country, I thought: “If only I had a newer and more comfortable car, I’d feel satisfied.” Once again, it didn’t help.

I imagined that passing my rabbinical exams would surely make me the happiest man alive. But a month later, that excitement faded too. “Alright,” I thought, “maybe passing the Dayanut (rabbinical judge) exams will do the trick.” But even after that achievement, within two months, the thrill disappeared.

Then I reasoned: “It must be because we live in a small rented apartment. If God gives us the means to buy a spacious home of our own, surely my search for happiness will be over.” Yet, astonishingly, I quickly got used to that too. 

My pursuit of happiness continued, until one day I finally understood: happiness is already within my heart. If I would just stop and reflect on the endless free gifts I’ve received from the Creator, and recognize that what I have right now is the absolute best for me, I would already be happy.

The health I’ve been granted until this very day should fill me with joy. The ability to read and write is a gift not to be taken for granted. My eyes, which allow me to see are a great blessing from God. I realized that if I go through every detail in my life, even the smallest one, and truly appreciate it, then the happiness I’ve been chasing will finally enter my heart.

Why We Stop Appreciating Blessings

In Chovot HaLevavot (Duties of the Heart, Gate of Reflection), the author provides a parable explaining why we often fail to appreciate the countless gifts we have.

A righteous man once found an abandoned baby in the desert. He took him home, raised him as his own, fed and clothed him, and gave him shelter until he grew to be a man.

Later, the same righteous man heard of a prisoner who was suffering severe torture. Overcome with compassion, he freed him, brought him into his home, fed and clothed him, and paid a doctor to heal his wounds.

The freed prisoner would never stop thanking his rescuer for the great kindness shown to him. The young man who had grown up in the house however, hardly thought about all the good he had received — because when he was first saved, he was too young to understand the magnitude of it, and by the time he was old enough to realize, he had already grown used to it.

Not suprisingly, when we grow accustomed to blessings, we stop noticing them.

Desire — the Enemy of Happiness

One of the greatest enemies of joy is unchecked desire. The Sages teach in Pirkei Avot (Ethics of the Fathers 4:1): “Who is rich? One who is happy with his lot.”

If we keep this saying engraved in our hearts, we can live in constant happiness. In fact, a Jew who struggles with sadness could post this verse everywhere so that wherever he goes he will be reminded of the blessings in his life and the gifts that God has granted him.