Rabbi Yigal Cohen – The Final Tips for Achieving Humility

It is known from the story of the holy Baal Shem Tov that on Rosh Hashanah, during his prayer, he cried deeply until suddenly a wide smile spread across his face, and he continued his prayer with joy.

When his students expressed their amazement, he explained to them: There was a severe decree, heaven forbid, on the entire Jewish people, and therefore I cried greatly, fearing that the decree might not be abolished, heaven forbid, and in an attempt to nullify it. Until I saw in the upper worlds a prayer arriving that tore through all the gates, silencing the accusers, reaching the throne of glory, and at that moment the severe decree against the Jewish people was annulled. When I sought to know who the righteous person was, whose prayer was so accepted before Hashem, they showed me a simple, innocent shepherd who couldn't read or write, his knowledge limited to the letters Aleph Bet, standing before the Holy One, Blessed be He, and said, "Master of the Universe, it is revealed and known before You that I do not know how to pray. I only know one thing, the Aleph Bet, which I recite before You in order, and You, Master of the Universe, connect the letters to form a prayer that will rise before You with favor."

And so the Jew began to recite the Aleph Bet with tears and a pure heart. At that moment, the Baal Shem Tov concluded the story, the shepherd's prayer ascended before Hashem and caused a great uproar in the upper worlds, and because of it, the decree against the Jewish people was annulled.

The details are astonishing!

The prayer of the holy Baal Shem Tov did not avail as much as the prayer of the simple Jew!

And if Hashem has blessed you to contribute substantial amounts to the synagogue, while your friend sitting next to you struggles to donate even a few shekels, do not let your heart become haughty over him, because perhaps his soul, carved from a high source, was not blessed with the trait of giving, and the challenge of charity is very difficult for him, and the act of giving the few shekels he does give is beyond his powers, and the single shekel he gives is indeed a wonderful source of contentment before Hashem.

And if the Creator blessed you with a wife whom you perceive yourself to be wiser than, or perhaps she is less righteous than you, making frequent mistakes, spending your money, and you feel in your heart that marrying her was a favor you did her. Know, dear Jew, that it might very well be that your entire livelihood comes from her merit, because she behaves with sincere faithfulness towards Hashem, and her actions are very beloved before Hashem, as it is the maximum she can do, whereas your deeds and efforts have not yet reached the level of her actions, and at times all of the husband's life is due to his wife, because she does not deserve to live without a husband, and Hashem grants you life because of her.

More importantly, if you see a Jew dressed in odd clothing, who does not observe Torah and mitzvot and behaves improperly, do not scorn him in your heart, because if you were born and raised where he was, and your soul was like his, God forbid, you might have been worse off than he is.

And to you, dear woman, I say -

If it seems to you that you are better than your mother-in-law or sister-in-law and the like, due to their disrespectful behavior, know that we do not have the means to measure people, and only the Creator can measure people. It may be that your mother-in-law grew up in a generation with tremendous challenges of poverty and hardships, and even her small acts of kindness are like a fragrant aroma before Hashem, and even if she does not behave as rightly as you, it might not be her fault. As our sages taught us (Pirkei Avot 2:4), "Do not judge your fellow until you arrive at his place."

Children are known to be playful, and if your children sometimes do not listen to your requests or behave improperly, know that you likely did mischievous things in your childhood, as children do, and you did not always listen to your parents, and even homework was not always on your mind.

And even if the children truly exaggerate in their actions, it is only because the Creator endowed them with such a soul, and they do not yet have the ability to overcome this.

And if your husband is not particularly successful, unable to provide sufficiently for his household, and not the scholar you always dreamed he would be, and he does not shine at the Shabbat table with Torah insights, and when you ask him halachic questions he raises his hands as a sign of ignorance, and you, thank Hashem, are learned, the main breadwinner in the home, always speaking to the point, feeling in your heart "what a pity, I could have gotten a better or wiser husband," know that such thoughts are abominable before Hashem, as it says (Proverbs 16:5), "Everyone that is proud in heart is an abomination to the Lord," because only Hashem knows the challenges your husband faces, and perhaps your husband is doing beyond his capacities, and his small acts bring great joy in the heavens, and additionally, one cannot know through whom sustenance comes to your home.

- And that is true humility.

In conclusion of this advice - we should not be haughty over anyone in the world, God forbid, feeling we are better than them, for several reasons; one, if we had received a soul as low as his, it could be we would have done less than him. Second, had we grown up where he grew up, we would have turned out worse. Third, in the true measure a person is measured by, which is the measure of how much one utilizes his abilities, it is very likely he is considered more righteous, because he utilizes his abilities and even more, with a small act, is considered righteous, while we do not even utilize half our capacity, and even if we do many good deeds, we are still lesser than him.

Fifth Tip – Instill Faith

Continuously recite verses of humility and sage teachings, praising humility and condemning pride. For example, "Now the man Moses was very humble, more than any person on the face of the earth" (Numbers 12:3), said regarding Moses our teacher. "I am but dust and ashes" (Genesis 18:27), said by Abraham our father. "But I am a worm and not a man, a reproach of men and despised by people" (Psalms 22:7), said by David our king.

Our father Abraham, our rabbi Moses, and King David were all praised for their humility. We should follow in their ways.

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To the humble He gives grace (Proverbs 3:34).

"The house of the proud YHWH will demolish" (Proverbs 15:25).

"Everyone that is proud in heart is an abomination to the Lord" (Proverbs 16:5).

"A man's pride will humble him, but a lowly spirit will honor him" (Proverbs 29:23).

"Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall" (Proverbs 16:18).

"A song of ascents. Of David. O Lord, my heart is not proud nor my eyes haughty, nor do I involve myself in great matters or in things too difficult for me" (Psalms 131:1).

"He guides the humble in justice and teaches the humble His way" (Psalms 25:9).

"And your heart will become proud and you will forget the Lord your God" (Deuteronomy 8:14).

Rabbi Levitas of Yavne says, greatly be humble in spirit, for the hope of man is worms. (Avot 4:4).

"What wisdom made a crown for her head, humility made a heel for her step" (See Midrash Tanchuma Behaalotecha, Chap. 16, Midrash Mishlei Chap. 15, Yalkut Shimoni Mishlei Remez 956).

"The reward of humility is fear of the Lord" (Proverbs 22:4).

Akavya ben Mahalalel says: Consider three things and you will not come into the hand of sin: Know where you came from, where you are going, and before whom you will give a reckoning. Where did you come from? From a putrid drop. Where are you going? To a place of dust, worms, and maggots. Before whom will you give a reckoning? Before the King of kings, the Holy One, blessed be He. (Avot 3:1).

Rabbi Eliezer the Kapar says: Envy, lust, and honor remove a man from the world. (Avot 4:21).

Everyone who boasts falls into Gehenna. (Baba Batra 10b).

Everyone who has arrogance (pride) will not stand at the resurrection of the dead. (Based on Sotah 5a).

The Messiah will not come until all the arrogant in Israel are eliminated. (Sanhedrin 98).

Everyone who has arrogance will eventually fall into sin with a married woman. (Kallah Rabbati 9:23).

Everyone who has arrogance, it is as if he worships idols. (Sotah 4b).

Sixth Tip – Remember Who We Truly Are

There is another tip to achieve humility, which is to always remember our shortcomings and limitations, as the Sage in Avot (3:1) said: From where do you come, from a putrid drop, so what is there to be proud of regarding the past, and even about the future, "where are you going, to a place of dust, worms, and maggots."

And if we would only keep in mind how many times we have failed in our lives, how many times the fountains of wisdom were closed to us, and the many mistakes we've made, each of us knows well our own weaknesses, and if they stand before our eyes, then pride will not rise in our hearts.

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