When Pride Blocks Your Blessing: Why God Withholds Success for Your Own Good

After the end-of-year report cards, we decide to reward each of our children with a generous sum for their effort in school. Moments after each receives their money, we hear the oldest say to the youngest, “I’m much better than you. You have ten shekels and I have twenty.” Without hesitation, we call over the older child and say, “Don’t take pride in something that isn’t yours. You just received that money as a gift.” If the older one kept taunting the younger, we take back the gift to teach him a lesson.

This is the way God governs His world. When He sees someone who has been given a gift of beauty for example, taunting another who is less attractive, as if they themselves designed their face, He may take that gift away.

A Personal Encounter

A man asked to meet me to discuss his troubles, hoping to find a solution. At first, I tried to postpone due to time constraints, but he insisted and came to my home. He told me his story, and I understood he owned a large business that, by all logic, should be thriving, but everything was stuck, and he could barely pay his suppliers.

This was an observant Jew, meticulous in mitzvah observance, giving charity generously, and father to a large family. We discussed the possibility of any clear wrongdoing that may be causing God to send him this financial challenge, but we found nothing significant.

As a last attempt, I asked him, “What about the trait of pride? You know God despises the arrogant.”

The man lowered his eyes and said, “Yes, Rabbi, I suffer from this trait. I want to be a millionaire (to help the poor, of course), but mainly to prove to my father and siblings that I can make money just as well as they can. I also love brands and luxury cars — they make me feel good.”

I began my reply with the verse: “A man’s pride shall bring him low” (Proverbs 29:23).

“Does God love you?” I asked.
“Of course,” he answered.
“Does He want to give you abundant livelihood?”
“Certainly! If He loves me, He surely wants me to have good.”
“Does He have the power to give you everything?”
“Of course! Everything belongs to Him.”

“So,” I said, “if He can give you and wants to give you, why doesn’t He?” He had no answer.

I explained: Because God loves you, He’s not giving it to you. If now, without the wealth you want and with large debts, you’re already looking down on others. What will happen if you have great business success, with all the brands and luxury cars you desire? How much greater will your pride grow?

Your wife may suddenly seem “too plain” for you because you’re a wealthy man, and she’s just a homemaker. Your rabbi may no longer seem qualified to teach you. If the synagogue’s gabbai fails to honor you, you’ll be offended, and maybe even ask, “How dare you not honor the synagogue’s most important donor?” Your righteous children, who now ride the bus to school, would instead ride in chauffeured cars, likely damaging their love for Torah study. Your closest friends may seem “too simple” for you.

God sees the future, and because He loves you, He knows wealth would corrupt you in your current state. He withholds it for your own good. This is exactly what King Solomon meant when he said: “A man’s pride shall bring him low” — God lowers the arrogant to protect them from further pride.

At the end of our conversation, the businessman agreed to study daily about the greatness of humility and the danger of arrogance. He understood that when God sees the money will no longer harm him, there will be no reason to withhold abundance. Indeed, a month later, he told me that his business was slowly recovering.

A Personal Lesson in Pride

I once prayed for God to grant me wisdom like Rabbi Ovadia Yosef. I knew how far I was from his towering greatness, but I also knew there’s nothing stopping God from granting immense wisdom to anyone.

I kept praying, until one day, I realized such a prayer might actually harm me. Imagine if I woke up tomorrow with vast Torah knowledge, even hints of divine inspiration. If my wife then asked me to take out the trash, how would I react? “Me? The man who knows the entire Babylonian and Jerusalem Talmud by heart, to whom people from around the world come with complex halachic questions?"

If someone didn’t stand up when I entered, I’d feel deeply insulted. If someone dared to argue with me, my pride would flare.

Apparently, God loves me and kept me far from such a position so I can still take out the trash without offense, not mind if no one rises for me, accept that my opinion might be wrong, and listen to others.

This is also why a man might be given a wife who sometimes criticizes him, or a woman a husband who often belittles her. There is no greater closeness to God than behaving with humility and submission. Because we don’t always know how to work on humility ourselves, God sends us loyal “messengers” to help.