Rabbi Yigal Cohen – What Difficulties Does Pride Cause?

King Solomon, who was the wisest of all men, writes in his book (Proverbs 29:23) "A man's pride will humiliate him, but a humble spirit will obtain honor." These words essentially teach us that pride ultimately humiliates a person, while humility brings honor to a person.

And I, the small one, will add: if people knew how many troubles pride brings upon them, and how many blessings humility can bring them, they would leave all their pursuits and learn what pride is to distance themselves from it as much as possible, and what humility is to instill it in their hearts.

Therefore, my humble request to the dear readers is to continuously study this chapter, in which I will present the praise of humility and the disgrace of pride, as well as what pride and humility are, and how to achieve this important trait.

"And I am certain that anyone in need of salvation, in any matter, after daily study for at least a month in the trait of humility, will see salvations on all levels." (In this chapter, I will attempt, with Hashem's help, to explain whence comes this assurance.)

In my youth, I read a story about the genius R' Yaakov Yisrael Kanievsky, of blessed memory, to whom a young man came with a question: "I have thoughts of heresy about Hashem! What does the rabbi advise me to do?" The rabbi answered him, saying, "All the thoughts you have come because of pride. If you only remove this disgraceful trait from your heart, these evil thoughts will disappear, and pure faith will enter your heart."

Initially, I did not understand the connection between pride and heresy. Only after a few years, when I began to study the root of the trait of pride in depth, did I understand that the more we think "we" do, "we" understand, "we" support ourselves, thus we push the Creator, blessed be He, out of our thoughts and can, God forbid, come to heresy in the guidance of the King of the World.

I acted upon this myself several times when I felt thoughts about the Creator, blessed be He. Immediately, I reviewed verses on humility and the sayings of our sages condemning pride, and I immediately felt how my heart became subordinate to the Creator, blessed be He, and I particularly became convinced that my opinion and understanding are as nothing compared to the understanding of the Creator of the World.

Pride means heresy in the leadership of the Creator, blessed be He, for the person who says "I" bought, "I" built, "I" connected, "I" succeeded, "I" healed, in addition to not being wise, he is also denying the absolute reality that his being and soul are in the hands of the Creator, blessed be He, and He is the one who gives him the strength to think, to move his hand, to speak, to find favor in the eyes of men, to bring children into the world, etc.

Every success we have in life comes from the power and wisdom of the King of Kings, and when a person attributes this to himself, he essentially says that he leads himself, and not the Creator, blessed be He.

Therefore, Solomon wisely said in the book of Proverbs (16:5), "Every haughty heart is an abomination to Hashem; assuredly, he will not go unpunished." This means the Creator, blessed be He, abhors the proud person. The reason for this is that not only does he not thank the Creator for all the kindnesses He does for him all his life, but he also attributes it to himself, until the Gemara says (Sotah 5a) "The Holy One, blessed be He, said, 'He and I cannot dwell together in the same place.'" The interpretation is that the Creator, blessed be He, cannot be in the heart of a proud person, for he has pushed the Creator, blessed be He, out.

Anger towards Others

Pride is the root of all bad traits, firstly bringing a person to anger at others and at himself. This is because he expects everyone to carry out his orders, and everything should be perfect, and if things don't go as he wishes, he immediately gets angry. He even gets angry at himself due to the high expectations he has of himself for any mistake he makes. He asks himself, "How did I not succeed, and indeed I am perfect and must succeed?" Additionally, he is envious of others' success, as if their success diminishes his own. This is because he wants to be the best of all and finds it difficult to appreciate the good deeds of his friends, sometimes even attempting to sabotage their success.

Sadness

Pride leads a person to sadness and a sense of dissatisfaction with life. The reason for this is simple: he always thinks he deserves more, and even if he marries a G-d-fearing woman, he feels in his heart that he could have achieved something better. If a slightly mischievous son is born to him, he is again disappointed, "I deserve a quieter child," and in almost everything surrounding him in his life, he feels unsatisfied to the point that he can sink into deep depression.

Fear

Pride causes constant fear of failure because he worries about what his friends will say about him, as he must be perfect in their eyes. Often, a proud person will fear attempting and doing important things, only due to fear of failure, and he also fears he will be lowered in the eyes of his friends. Therefore, he continuously performs unnecessary actions to find favor in their eyes, and sometimes this borders on serious prohibitions, such as gossip and shaming his friend, and he may even harm his friend's livelihood at work to find favor with his superiors.

Lack of Respect

Sometimes the trait of pride causes a person to belittle his wife. This comes from constantly seeking her faults, while he finds only impressive qualities in himself, so he allows himself to speak disrespectfully to his wife and shows no willingness to listen to her opinions because "I understand much better," he tells himself. Similarly, a woman afflicted with this disgraceful trait will ultimately come to despise her husband in her heart, and such a household is doomed to fall apart.

I once heard from one of the greats of the generation who said that all the problems in our generation between couples stem from the trait of pride, and if they would only instill in their hearts the trait of humility, peace would surely reign in their home.

Greed

Another severe problem that can be caused by the trait of pride is the desire for others' possessions, meaning coveting what belongs to others, to the extent that the Gemara cites (Sotah 4b), "Rabbi Yochanan said that anyone who possesses haughtiness will ultimately stumble upon another's wife." This is because he thinks he deserves everything, and he is more worthy than his neighbor to receive whatever it is. If he sees a beautiful garment on his friend, he immediately covets it, and it will be the same if his friend has a beautiful house; envy will immediately enter his heart for his friend's house, and similarly in other matters.

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