"May Your Actions and Character Make You Worthy of a Scholar Husband"

Hashem blessed me with the opportunity to teach in a women's seminary for several years. During those years, students frequently asked me, "Rabbi, bless me that I may merit a scholar husband with good qualities," and similar requests.

Initially, I gladly blessed these students. However, I soon realized that while I was blessing a modest and devout daughter of Israel, I might inadvertently be cursing the scholar husband, as if she was not worthy of him in her character and fear of Heaven, she was receiving a gift beyond compare, and he, unfortunately, the opposite. Since then, every time I've been asked to bless, I've responded, "May it be Hashem's will to help you become worthy in your actions and character to marry a scholar husband."

Therefore, all those righteous women waiting for the perfect husband and unwilling to compromise should first pray and strive to be worthy of their spouse, especially in the crucial trait of "humility," since the way of a scholar husband is to be humble and submissive. If, God forbid, his wife has not yet attained humility, she may come to disrespect him and continually harm him and his teachings.

"Their God hates promiscuity" - if you wish to harm this nation, lead them into modesty issues, and you will succeed in harming them (Sanhedrin 106). These words were said by Balaam, the wicked one, the greatest sorcerer in history, to Balak, king of Moab, after he was unable to curse the people of Israel because he saw their modesty, as the Torah says (Numbers 24:5), "How goodly are your tents, O Jacob," indicating that the windows of one did not face the other to prevent intrusion.

Many precious women seek deliverance in various matters such as matchmaking, livelihood, children, peace in the home, health, easy births, etc., turning to rabbis for advice and blessings. Still, they do not understand that the key to blessings and deliverance is in their hands, as it is said (Exodus 25:8), "And they shall make Me a sanctuary, and I shall dwell among them." If we act with holiness, according to God's will, in modest attire and conduct, the Almighty promises to dwell among us. When the divine presence dwells in one's home, all the blessings in the Torah follow. Conversely, if, God forbid, there is a lack of sanctity and modesty, then instead of the divine presence, the opposite dwells in the home. Therefore, before we make claims and requests to Hashem, it is better to check whether our ways meet His will, and if not, first correct our actions so that our prayers will surely be accepted willingly.

Who Causes Our Troubles

One of the major issues today is peace in the home, and unfortunately, the divorce rate has risen alarmingly over the last generation, with almost daily inquiries from families facing various problems such as lack of love or compatibility, endless quarrels, and so on.

One of the first questions I ask couples is: Do you have an unfiltered internet at home? To my astonishment, the answer is often: Yes!

Imagine, dear brothers and sisters, a husband who comes home and starts surfing the internet, viewing various beautiful women, and then switches abruptly to look at his wife at dinner time. Will she appear attractive to him after all that he has seen?

The same applies to a woman watching different strange movies, seeing tall and handsome men, and her husband returns from work not very tall and perhaps not very tidy and organized. Surely it would be hard for her to appreciate her husband!

And this is doubly true regarding the upbringing of children, who, unfortunately, can learn from the internet or other devices how to disrespect and not submit to their parents, which is the best-case scenario, and in worse cases, even how to commit murder!

If that is the case, how do we question why there is no peace in our homes? Why can't we succeed in raising children? We ourselves bring trouble into our homes, God forbid. Therefore, when there are problems at home, first and foremost, we must examine our actions inside our homes to see if they are the cause of the problems, and with Hashem's help, by removing bad deeds from our home, our troubles will go with them.

"My Husband Doesn't Love Me!"

"My Wife is Fed Up With Me and Wants a Divorce!"

- I have often heard these sentences from various couples, and after a little investigation into why the situation is so, I discovered that the complainant himself brought the situation to such a state with his own hands.

Sometimes the husband is constantly angry and shouting at home, hurting his wife's feelings, and after it happens so many times, his wife gets fed up with his behavior and wants a divorce.

The same applies to a woman who leaves her home for work or similar, dresses in her finest clothes and makeup, but when she comes home, where she should display her beauty for her husband, she appears neglected and wearing rags. Or sometimes she disregards her husband's opinion, making him feel worthless.

Our sages have taught in Pirkei Avot (Ethics of the Fathers, 4:1) "Who is honored? He who honors others." If you want your wife to honor you as you deserve, first honor her. Similarly, a woman seeking her husband's love should ensure there are reasons for this love, such as respecting her husband, beautifying herself for him and not for others, and ensuring that there are no devices at home causing him to see other women. "Folly perverts a man's way, and his heart rages against Hashem" (Proverbs 19:3).

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