Medicine and Matchmaking: How Much Do We Trust Hashem?

It's highly advisable to train ourselves, that before doctors and medications, we turn to the true boss who brought the illness. He is the sole decider if the illness will disappear, or, Heaven forbid, remain. No medications in the world will help if the Blessed Creator doesn't wish for a person's recovery. On the other hand, in His will, the disease can vanish without any medicine. We shall try to persuade Him to remove the illness by giving charity, which has great power to remove suffering, and by repentance, examining our deeds to ensure no wrong actions are leading to our suffering. Naturally, we must also pray deeply from our hearts to the Blessed Creator to remove the pain associated with this illness. Only after we've done these three things taught by our sages (Midrash Tanhuma, Parashat Noach, Section 8) "Repentance, prayer, and charity remove the evil decree" should we turn to an appropriate doctor to try and remedy the problem. This is all to demonstrate to the Blessed Creator that He is our first priority, before anyone else.

As I wrote regarding livelihood, so it is in medicine; the extent of the effort depends on a person's trust in their Creator. The stronger the trust, the lesser the effort required. If one's trust in Hashem is weak and feels that they won't recover without additional medication, they must take those medications, as in that case, Hashem leaves them to the ways of nature, requiring their effort.

I remembered an incident with a yeshiva student who studied with me in the kollel, who was absent for a few days. Upon his return, I asked how he was, and he replied, "Atonement for sins! I've been stuck in bed with back pain for three days now, and I barely managed to come to the kollel today. But, with Hashem's help, I have an appointment tomorrow evening with a renowned professor who specializes in back pain. Hopefully, he will help reduce the pain."

It was difficult for me to hear his words, and I responded, "According to you, you are supposed to suffer until tomorrow evening. Does that mean that Hashem can't heal you before the appointment with the esteemed professor? Apparently, you will at least have to suffer until your important meeting with the doctor!"

The yeshiva student immediately hesitated - "Of course, Hashem can do anything, but..." - he said.

Our teacher Rabbeinu Bachya writes something very sharp at the beginning of the Gate of Trust, "If the Blessed Creator sees that a Jew trusts in people, his money, or his wisdom, and does not trust Him, Hashem removes His providence from him and leaves him in the hands of whoever he trusted." It means that if a person trusts in their heart that the doctor will heal them due to the doctor's wisdom or many years of experience, Hashem removes His providence and leaves them to the ways of nature, meaning if a medication is found, they will heal, and if not, Heaven forbid, they will remain with their illness.

Therefore, a person who needs healing for their illness or pain should first and foremost pray to the Blessed Creator and examine their actions to see if any need correction. Naturally, they should increase charity, and only then, if necessary, go to a doctor. But they should know in their heart that their healing depends solely on the Blessed Creator. If the doctor raises his hands and says, "I have no solution," the Jew should know in their heart that the solution already lies in Hashem's hands, and all they need to do is persuade Hashem to provide the solution.

Effort in Matchmaking

When Eliezer, Abraham's servant, went to find a bride for Isaac, his sole effort was to pray to the Blessed Creator to grant him to find the best match for Isaac with the greatest ease. This was through reaching the well and asking a girl to give him water, and she would offer to also water his camels.

The holy Torah elaborates greatly on the story of these events, to teach us that matchmaking is solely in the hands of the Creator.

Also regarding matchmaking, the degree of effort depends on the individual's trust. The more one knows that the Blessed Creator can send their match right to their doorstep, literally, their effort will be limited to his mother and sisters searching for a match for him, while he continues to immerse himself in his studies.

However, some believe that the match they desire, a righteous, wise, and wealthy one, can only be found through certain matchmakers. If they don't reach out to them, they won't find what they seek, so they feel they must chase those matchmakers to meet their demands.

I've witnessed it firsthand! Charming young men who, while their friends spent most of their time on the phone with matchmakers, sat and labored over the holy Torah, and cast their trust upon their Creator. Hashem rewarded them, and the matchmakers reached out to their mothers to propose matches to them. Blessed be Hashem, they were blessed with righteous wives who devoted their lives for their husbands involved in Torah studies. In contrast, other young men who contacted every matchmaker they could find, still haven't completed their search for a life partner.

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I will conclude this section with an incident involving a family member who repented at forty-three and, by Hashem's grace, strengthened significantly in her faith, but couldn't find her opposite number.

Until she reached the age of forty-five. In one of my lessons, I spoke about people who need salvations and don't understand that their misdeeds prevent them from obtaining what they desire. The lady asked me - how will I know what I'm doing wrong?

"Consult with a rabbi and tell him about past deeds, maybe you haven't corrected your actions yet," I replied.

Indeed, after she asked to recount her actions to me, we discovered that many years ago she had been part of a strange cult whose members swore never to marry, believing their spouses and children drained their energy, etc. Naturally, she had forgotten her actions from that time.

I immediately told her, "Come tomorrow to the yeshiva for a release of curses and vows in the presence of ten righteous scholars, and G-d willing, you'll receive good news." And so we did. The next day, we released her vows and curses with ten God-fearing scholars, and additionally, she donated 10,000 NIS to support Torah scholars.

A few days later, my wife told me a wonderful story: "Do you remember a few lessons ago, a nice young man asked you, 'Rabbi, I trust fully that the Creator will bring my rightful match to me, so why has He not sent her yet?'"

"Have you bought a suit for the wedding yet?" I asked him.

"What!?" the young man asked.

"Yes! Just as you heard. If you are so 'confident' that Hashem will bring you your wife, you should already have prepared a groom's suit for the wedding, and maybe even booked a grand hall for the event, since you're 'certain'." Naturally, the pleasant young man understood he had not yet reached a level of true trust.

Yes, I replied to my wife.

"Then you should know that the relative you mentioned took your words to heart and went to fit a bridal gown yesterday." my wife concluded.

I was so moved by her simple faith in the Creator of the world that I lifted my eyes to the heavens and asked, "Master of the world! See how much Your daughter believes in You and Your holy Torah, so much that she has gone ahead and ordered herself a bridal gown. Sanctify Your name in the world and grant her heart's desires (she insisted on a Torah scholar husband), so everyone will know that "he who trusts in Hashem will be surrounded by kindness"...

Exactly two weeks later, the phone rang, and on the other end was the excited voice of the lady in question -

"I deserve a "Mazal Tov"; tomorrow I'm closing the wedding arrangements," she told me.

Who is the groom? I asked excitedly.

"A yeshiva student, a Torah scholar, and God-fearing man of my age!"

You can certainly imagine the chills I felt at that moment. A month after that conversation, she indeed stood under the chuppah, happy and joyful. As I danced at that wedding before the groom, my joy was twofold: joy for my relative who found the love of her life, and more so, the joy that even in our generation, Hashem still reveals Himself to us and says, "My children, I love you and desire your success. Turn to me, rely on me, and I will take care of you."

"The book 'Yagel Libi B'Yeshuatcha' is available in select stores and at Hidabroot Shops."