Why Am I Not Happy in Life? Jewish Wisdom on Finding Joy and Lasting Fulfillment

Many people who lack enjoyment, happiness and satisfaction in life, tend to ask "Why is God doing this to me?"

This way of thinking assumes that all of life’s difficulties come only from God’s will, without realizing that God wants more than anything else for us to enjoy His beautiful world.

The gift of joy was left in our own hands. If we stop being consumed with the endless desire of always wanting more, never pausing to notice the blessings surrounding us — and if we stop demanding so much from ourselves, joy will naturally enter our hearts. We can then begin to appreciate the wonders of creation.

As Mishlei (Proverbs) teaches: “A person’s own foolishness perverts his way, yet his heart rages against the Lord” (Mishlei 19:3). We make all the wrong choices and then blame God for the results.

A True Story of Loss, Wealth, and Spiritual Awakening

I once knew a wealthy man who returned to faith and slowly left behind his unspiritual business life. Step by step, he devoted himself to Torah study, until he gave up his entire business empire and entered a yeshiva (house of study).

From then on, his material wealth declined. Eventually, he lost everything and needed to borrow money to survive. His constant complaint was: “I came back to God wholeheartedly — why is He doing this to me? My friends who never returned to faith are still rich, but I’ve become poor!”

At first, even I was troubled by his words. I prayed: “God, show him that one who follows Your path succeeds.”

Then he shared with me a story that explained everything.

The Forgotten Debt

After leaving the army as a young man, his late father gave him $100,000 in cash as a loan to start a business. Over the years, he doubled and tripled that money. But every time his father reminded him to repay the loan, he ignored it.

Eventually, his father fell ill. On his deathbed, he pleaded:
“Please, at least return the loan to your mother. She has nothing left.”

The son promised, but after his father’s passing, he continued to ignore the debt and left his widowed mother in poverty. As the years passed, his fortune collapsed until nothing remained.

When I heard this, I couldn’t stay silent: “You wronged your father for years, and now you are mistreating your own mother — yet you still blame God? You should be grateful you are alive and healthy.”

He eventually repented, studied the law on honoring parents, and sought forgiveness. Today, his situation is far better.

The Seriousness of Disrespecting Torah Scholars

Jewish tradition warns strongly against disrespecting Torah scholars. Many stories tell of people who spoke against them and later suffered misfortune of illness, poverty, or other hardships.

The sages teach that God guards the honor of Torah scholars even more than His own. Anyone who has spoken negatively about a teacher must therefore ask forgiveness before seeking blessings for success.

The Power of Tithing, Respect, and Peace

A man once promised to tithe his earnings (give 10% to charity), cherish his wife, and study Torah daily. All these practices are said to bring blessing, but his financial struggles only grew worse.

When I looked deeper, I discovered he frequently spoke negatively about Torah scholars. I reminded him of the teaching: “God found no vessel that can hold blessing for Israel except peace” (Uktzin 3:12). If we destroy peace and speak harmfully, blessings cannot stay with us.

I told him: “You and your wife must study the Chofetz Chaim’s teachings on proper speech every day. When you correct this, your blessings will remain.”

Life’s hardships are not always “God punishing us” but are often consequences of our own actions such as unpaid debts, broken relationships, or disrespectful words.

When we take responsibility, practice gratitude, live with integrity, and build peace in our relationships, true joy and lasting blessing returns to our lives.