Want a Husband Who Is a Talmid Chacham? Be Worthy of Him!

Hashem blessed me, and I taught at a girls' seminary for several years. During those years, students often requested: "Rabbi, bless me to merit a husband who is a talmid chacham with good character traits."

At first, I blessed these students with great joy, but over time, I realized that although I was blessing a modest and virtuous daughter of Israel, I might inadvertently be cursing the talmid chacham. For if she is not worthy of him in her character and fear of Heaven, then she receives a great gift unparalleled, while he, heaven forbid, receives the opposite. Since then, whenever asked for a blessing, I responded: "May it be Hashem's will that you be worthy in your character and deeds to marry a talmid chacham."

Therefore, all those righteous girls waiting for the perfect husband and unwilling to compromise on anything less should first pray and strive to be worthy of their match, especially in the important trait of humility. For the way of a talmid chacham is to be humble and submissive. If, heaven forbid, his wife has not yet acquired the trait of humility, she might belittle his honor and constantly harm him and his Torah.

"Their God detests immorality"—if you want to harm this nation, lead them to fail in matters of modesty, and in this way, you will succeed in harming them (Sanhedrin 106a). These words were said by the wicked Balaam, the greatest sorcerer in history, to Balak, king of Moab, after he failed to curse the people of Israel because he saw they were modest, as the Torah states (Numbers 24:5) "How goodly are your tents, O Jacob!" One's window does not face another's window, so as not to see into one's neighbor's home.

Many noble women seek blessings in various matters: matchmaking, livelihood, children, domestic peace, health, easy births, etc. They turn to rabbis for advice and blessings, yet do not realize that the key to their blessings and salvation is in their own hands, as it is said (Exodus 25:8) "And let them make Me a sanctuary, and I will dwell among them." If we conduct ourselves in holiness according to the Creator's will, that is, in modest garments and behaviors, then the Creator promises us He will dwell among us, and where the Divine Presence dwells, all the blessings of the Torah follow. However, if the contrary is true, meaning a lack of holiness and modesty, then instead of the Divine Presence, another force resides in their home. Therefore, before we come with claims and requests to the Creator, it is better to examine ourselves to see if our ways align with His will. If not, we should first correct them, and only then will our prayers be willingly accepted.

Who Causes Our Troubles?

One of the major issues of our generation is domestic peace, and unfortunately, the divorce rate in recent generations has risen to such alarming levels that nearly every day another family approaches me with various issues like lack of love or compatibility, constant arguments, etc.

One of the first questions I ask the couple is: "Do you have unfiltered internet in your home?" To my great astonishment, the answer is often: "Yes!"

Imagine, dear friends, a husband comes home and starts surfing the net, seeing beautiful and diverse women. At dinner, he shifts his gaze to his wife. How can she appear beautiful in his eyes after all he has seen?

The same applies to a woman watching various movies, seeing tall, handsome men. Her husband comes home from work, and he is not so tall nor particularly tidy. It is surely difficult for her to appreciate her husband!

And this is doubly true regarding educating children. Unfortunately, they can learn online or from other devices how to be disrespectful and not submit to their parents. Such behavior is in the best case, and in worse cases, they might learn how to commit murder!

Therefore, when there are problems at home, before anything else, we must examine our actions within our home. Are they the cause of the problems? With Hashem's help, by removing improper actions from our home, our troubles will also depart.

"My Husband Doesn't Love Me!"

"My wife is tired of me and wants a divorce!"

- Many times have I heard these statements from various couples. After a bit of investigation as to why this is happening, I discovered that the complainant himself has brought the situation upon himself with his own hands.

Sometimes the husband is constantly angry and shouting at home, and in doing so, he also hurts his wife's feelings. This happens so often that she gets tired of his behavior and wants a divorce.

(Photo: shutterstock)

The same regarding a woman who leaves her home for work: she dresses in her most beautiful clothes and applies makeup, and when she arrives home, where she is supposed to display her beauty for her husband's honor, she appears neglected and wears rags. Sometimes she dismisses her husband's opinions to the point where she gives him the feeling he is worthless.

Our sages already taught us in Pirkei Avot: "Who is honored? He who respects others" (Chapter 4, Mishnah 1). If you want your wife to respect you as you deserve, first respect her. Likewise, a woman seeking her husband's love should ensure there are reasons for this love, such as behaving respectfully towards her husband and adorning herself for him and not for others, and certainly ensuring there are no devices at home that would cause him to see other women, "A man's folly undermines his path, yet his heart rages against Hashem" (Proverbs 19:3).

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