How to Inspire Non-Religious Friends to Explore Judaism

Avi asks: "I have two friends with whom I regularly study Torah. They are not religious, and I really want to bring them closer to Judaism. How should I go about it? They don’t really know much about Judaism, and one of them is interested but not a believer."

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Shalom and blessings, Avi. May you be strengthened for your good desire to bring your brothers closer to our Judaism and to benefit them. I will suggest a number of guidelines that, with God’s help, can help you in bringing your friends closer.

1. Personal example is the greatest influence.
Show them that you are a better person because of Judaism. Be a person of genuine awe of Heaven — in prayer, in study, and in good character between man and his fellow. Speak and act with integrity, showing true love for God and the Jewish people. Rambam, in describing the conduct of true Torah scholars (Hilchot De’ot 5:7), instructs that a Torah scholar does not shout like animals, speaks calmly with everyone, greets others first, judges people favorably, speaks of others’ virtues, loves peace, and only speaks words of wisdom or kindness.

2. Steady Torah learning is transformative.
Our sages said: “Since they engaged in it, the light in it brought them back to the good path” (Eicha Rabbah). Even drops of Torah study, over time, can wear away a stone. Choose topics appropriate to their level, such as “Love your neighbor as yourself,” honoring parents, refraining from gossip. Study Pirkei Avot with them, or selected Talmud passages that inspire curiosity and show the depth and beauty of Torah.

3. Remain humble.
People are put off by arrogance. Remember the teaching: “Do not judge your fellow until you have reached his place” (Avot 2:4). You cannot know what you would be like had you been born in his circumstances. Approach teaching as a joint learning experience — praise their questions, show interest, and learn from them as well. Words from the heart enter the heart.

4. Avoid saying what will not be heard.
The Talmud (and halacha) teach: “Just as it is a mitzvah to say something that will be heard, it is a mitzvah not to say something that will not be heard” (Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 29:16). Today, the most effective kiruv is not through pressure, but through warmth, genuine concern, and love, especially because most Jews today did not grow up with Torah.

5. Strengthen their faith through wonder and relevance.
From time to time, share how you are amazed by creation, the wisdom in the human body, and the kindness of God. Point out unique aspects of Jewish survival against all odds, how events in the world align with biblical prophecy, and how these point toward redemption. Keep the tone positive, avoid provoking anger, and if possible, encourage them to watch lectures on Torah and science, biblical prophecies, and related topics.